Monday, December 31, 2007

Last hurrah

Well this is the last time I'm blogging from this laptop, I'm returning it today.

I'm starting a new job next week. So I expect I'm going to be restless without it for a week. But looking at the bright side, I get to read! And reply those old letters.

It's been great, it's been wonderful.

My farewell party was yummy. It's gonna be sad leaving these great people behind.

But I think I'm okay since I know they're going to be just fine.

Friday, December 28, 2007


Listen to this:

A beautiful and blinding morning
The world outside begins to breathe
See clouds arriving without warning
I need you here to shelter me

So keep me awake to memorize you
Give me more time to feel this way
We can't stay like this forever
But I can have you next to me today

Where this people get the idea from to write like this?

Thursday, December 27, 2007

This is wrong

One night, some time around 11.30.

Mr. KT: hye Nuha. lama tak jumpa.
me: ye
Mr. KT: bz ke. tido kul berapa?
me: tdo kul 12
Mr. KT: macam boring je. dah nak tido ke?
me: tgh buat keje sket. esok kena buat keje lain pulak.
Mr. KT: Nuha macam mana skang? masih slim ke dah berisi?
me: skang dah gemok. ada la 3x ganda
Mr. KT: he he takpe KT tak kisah pun Nuha sekarang macam mana. jom jumpa

Sounds soooo wrong. Came out from the wrong man. Urggh! Everything about it just so wrong. He even spelled my name wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.


I've been hoping for another man to say those things to me. Tough luck. Ya ya we can't get everything we want all the time but it's not like I want things every other day. Sad isn't it, sometimes the only thing we want most is the one that's the most far fetched.

Then again, what we want and what we need is probably two different things entirely.

Well -- it's not like I want things every other damn day!


Monday, December 24, 2007


Mathematics, rightly viewed, possesses not only truth, but supreme beauty - a beauty cold and austere, like that of sculpture.
- Bertrand Russell

Yeah baby yeah.

Belated Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha.

Happy holidays everyone!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

All time low yesterday

I've been feeling very low these past few days. I was on the verge of being jobless! How depressing can that be. I took yesterday off and hid in my room, only came out when it's time for dinner. I guess mak must have had noticed it because this morning while having breakfast she asked me why.

"Kaklong kenapa muka macam ada problem je?"

"Semalam cuti kenapa?"

All questions went unanswered. I just stared at the tv. I guess when my mind is so occupied I can shut it down from the world just like that.

I knew that last night while having dinner, she was giving away all signals to abah, poking and eye balling, about me being so quiet and eating so little. She wasn't that subtle, I could see from the corner of my eyes. But I couldn't care less - my head was heavier with all other stuff I had to think of.

Today when I got home, abah gave me a peck and I found a new blouse on my bed - made me smile instantly but somehow with a heavy heart.

When I think about it, the last time I felt this low was when I was just out of uni and anxious of being jobless. It's the same feeling, no mistake about it at all. I guess I can't stand the idea of not earning anything. My job defines me, without it I'm quite dull. Half of me is made of my job.

The other half, well, he's around.

Friday, December 14, 2007


I really really want to see said movie. Not so much because of Keira Knightly but because of James McAvoy.... lalalalalala.... I can never forget him after 'Becoming Jane' (intense!). Also you should see him in 'The Last King of Scotland' (gawd!).

Anyways, I don't understand why are they waiting till Christmas to show it here. They've been showing in Europe/US for months and months already!

p/s: w00t is now officially a word according to Merriam-Webster online. Really.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Aku hanya pasrah




Mencik mencik mencik! Camana bleh approve nih. Hisy.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Ngulat skett

[1] From the beginning of my developer life, I've never really warmed up to Microsoft. I doubt I will ever do. It's great for simple work/home use, but development-wise, *geleng geleng* costs too much. I don't like the way they try to proprietise the web ok. Sudah-sudah la tu buat duit - let us the open source developers have the fun pulak.

NO to the Microsoft Office format as an ISO standard

[2] Are you paid what you're worth?

Malaysia IT Salary Report

Know Your Tech Worth

Sesi lagha (ish ish ishhhh)

Just got home. Went out for sesi-sesi sukaria bowling bersama rakan-rakan opis. Had a heck of a time. Walaupun tak biasa main (I played once with Otel, a million years ago), pegi je lah. Alah company sponsor, sapuuuuuuuuuu.... heheheheh tenkiu Ganee.

My right hand is not feeling steady right now. Tu lah, sampai je terus main, takde nak warm up ke streching2 ke ape ke. Hah amek. Stokin plak lupa nak bawak, nasib baik takde spotcek. Harap takde la kena kudis buta ke ape ke lepas ni.

Bola banyak kali masuk longkang, I feel like it's actually how bowling should be played (saje nak kasi alasan). Much easier and less stressed wattt (menyokong alasan tadi). The rest of the gang pun, memang laluan longkang adalah laluan utama for all of us tonight (contoh untuk lebih menyokong alasan tadi). But at least I got 1 strike, purely by luck la of course but still I can brag about it later... lalalalala...

Pelbagai lagi alasan yang boleh diberikan seperti bola kena sumpah, lane tidak lurus, terlalu bising hingga hilang fokus, gangguan tidak bertempat dari rakan sepasukan, bola terlepas dari tangan ketika membuat balingan, kasut sewa yang tidak berkualiti, tidak tahu main, tempikan manja dari pasukan berhampiran, the list could go on and on and on... hahahahahahhaa!

In the end, mengah ok. Letih siut main bowling ni rupanya. 3 set je tapi macam buat marathon zaman sekolah dulu (marathon dulu selalu kat belakang ambik angin, but still). Adehhh....

Lepas ni diorang plan nak go bowling kat Mid Valley pulak, semata-mata sebab ada glow in the dark.... hahahahaha.. What's so attractive about it, I'm never gonna get that. Funny people. Dah la gelap, bertambah la rekod longkang tu karang.

Yang tokey2 kamera ni tak bawak cam plak. Abes citer lah. Kalau tak mesti galak bergambar dengan pokok-pokok krismas (the girls la, usually dengan semangat bergambar dari Adda and Janice)... hohoho...

So just because we had pics taken with christmas trees the other day,...


Beautiful beautiful christmas tree, post TGI @ The Curve. Gantung ketupat ngan lemang ni best nih!

Anyway, terasa nak berlatina la plakkkk.... cewahhhh! Ape itu? Jeng jeng jengggg.

Friday, November 30, 2007

When everyone is here

Aaahhh I like it when everyone is online - opis meriah. Kalau tak mesti banyak offline, kat site la ape la. And the Pandion would look soooo dull I can't even describe how dull it is. Look at this, berwarna-warni I so the like ok. Hehehehheheheh... giler suker tengok sume colleagues ada!


Today we all went to TGI for lunch, Ganee said it's to show LAVA appreciation for all our hardwork all year long. Aiyak, come to think of it, if I leave, year end bonus tak dapat kot. Uwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! All those work, all those late nights. Everytime I think about it, I feel so terrible.

During get together like this (which happens alot aka lunch break), they would talk endlessly about coming projects and big plans and this and that. I can't take it any longer, feeling so out of place. Even though I'm still here but I feel like an outsider already. Ah so sad. Usually when this happens, I would always think of the rest of my colleagues - in so many different levels, their personality, their good jokes and bad ones, their professionalism and hardwork, they are just the greatest colleagues around.

I still owe Ajeed lasagna. Aiyak that reminds me of grocery shopping - bila plak nak pegi nih. Have to hurry before he goes to Terengganu for that big project. Weh Adda, nanti ada masuk opis sini tak before the 9th? Karang termiss la plak makang2.


Janice ada bawak camera tapi tak bagitau... cehhhh.... Rugi tak amik gambar time makan2.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Dozing off

What a busy week. I haven't slept well for over 3 days in a row now. All for that TN rebranding thing, migrating stuff and all. The thing is we have very tight deadlines. And since it involves lots of users during the day, we have to do it by night. And during the night we did it, all the way until wee hours in the morning. My back hurts. My head is spinning. My eyes are popping out.

Am I complaining? No, because there is not enough reasons to complaint about. It's not everyday. In fact it is actually seasonal. Last time when I had this kind of work was when we were doing Mofaz. That was what, in March? February? Before that it was Sismi (hmmmppphh!).

I've accepted the nature of my job and I've said it many times before that I love my job. I talk about it alot (just like any other woman - you don't have to understand what we really saying), but I get my job done. I sound like I'm complaining but actually it's to get it off my chest. Ridiculously busy and hectic it may be, but I'm loving every minute of it. The best thing is, my managers are excellent. He allowed us to work from home. He gave me and Janice a day off today, since we've been working on it like all hell have broken loose. So thank you for being understanding. In fact I should be sleeping right now but I remember about the condition of my blog here (I recently moved to a new host). Somehow in the middle of it all I lost touch with the world around me. Luckily it was only for awhile.


This tiny little creature makes Nuhaa really happy.

Ok I'm going to hit the sack and fall in a deep deep deep sleeeeeep.

UPDATE: well well well we've received this email congratulating everyone for their parts in the project, only it is very sad to look at the mention on LAVA - a mere 'Special mention to our partners Lava for assistance during migration works'. Excuse me, but an assistance?? We were not on standy, but we were working. Can you make out the difference between the two? We were working our asses off! As in constantly having headaches troubleshooting, skipping meals and not sleeping while at it. We never took our hands off the keyboard. Well excuse me for being so emotional but we did the most part of the work, if not same as your team. This is what happens when credits is not given when it's due. Sucks big time. You should work more on your complimenting skills... isk panas panas...

And thank god for Ganee. Calms me down. Yeah give him a piece of your mind the next time you see him, that ungrateful over privileged Skali employee.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Daily routine

In the morning, my alarm rings. I get up. I look at the time. Snooze. Then I take a pillow, hold it and lie back down. I close my eyes and usually I fall back into sleeping.

After 6 minutes my alarm rings again. I get up. I look at the time. Snooze again. The same process repeats.

Another 6 minutes, it rings again. And the same process repeats.

Again another 6 minutes. Now I'll really look at the time and this is when I know whether I'm going to be late or not. What happens after this really depends on that. If I know I'm going to be late, I'll get the kelambu out of my way and put out one feet out of bed and force myself to stand up. If not, I'll just press snooze again. So let's say I know I'm going to be late.

What happens next usually involve me checking myself in the mirror first, comb my hair abit, tie it if necessary and then going to the shower. I'll spend around 15-20 minutes (mandi and putting on my lenses) and after drying myself, I'll stand in the middle of the room pondering what to wear that day.

So let's just say it's a normal working day and I'm feeling lazy to walk out of the room to iron something. I take a look at my jeans and I'll play mix and match in my head (jeans + baju + tudung). After I know what I'm going to wear, I reach for my body lotion and slather it on. Then I put on some face moisturizer. I grab the jeans and the baju I want and put them on. I'll go back to the mirror and put on some light make up. I reach for my tudung and put it on. Then I spritz some wangi wangian, put on my watch and take a last look at full length mirror.

Then I pack up my laptop into the backpack. Reach for my phone on the bed and put it inside my handbag. I'll switch off the lamps and walk out. I find my car keys, put my stuff inside and turn on the ignition. I'll walk back inside the house looking for food (if any) and salam mak + abah. I open the gate and drive out.

Then I spend some time on the road, passing through real uncivilized territory, to get to work.

When I got to the office, first I unpack the backpack and set up the laptop. I switch it on. While waiting for it to log me in, I make myself a drink. I check my mail. Check my facebook. Then I'll use up all my fight points to beat down werewolves, zombies and slayers that day. I'll check if there's any favor I should return (sending baked items, smileys, pokes, answering some true/false questions etc). The rest of the day is spent sitting on my chair looking at the screen and working, up until it is time to go back - hardly any physical activity involved.

Going back home, I'll face the same primitive, ungodly territory.

I arrive home and after locking the car and the gate, I go straight to my room. I take out my phone from my handbag and throw it on the bed. I take off my tudung. Wash my face and put on glasses. I change to my comfy tee and pants. I go to the kitchen and have my dinner. During this time I have my daily tv treats. After that, depending on how my day has been, either I'll take a shower or skip it. If I didn't have enough sleep the previous night, I'll just go to sleep. If not, or if I have urgent matters to look into (as most times) I'll set up my laptop and sit at my desk, working it out. Most of the time I won't be online on YM. But some friends know how to get in touch - they'll find a way.

I'll switch off the main lamp and turn on my bedside lamp instead. This is my most relaxed time. Either I have work to do or not, the laptop will be on. I may continue watch tv or catch up on reading but I let it switched on. Sometimes I have music playing softly in the background but the room is dimly lit, the way I like it best.

When it strucks 12, I climb into bed. Pull down the kelambu, pull up some covers, and go to sleep. I don't need to set the alarm since it's configured for everyday.

If the next day is a working one, the whole thing repeats itself. If it turns out to be a day off/weekend, it's a whole different routine, mostly involving me still curling in bed till noon....lalallala.... hey blame it on the curtains. They're thick they're blocking the light from coming in so it looks like it's still dark out.

Don't know why on earth would you be interested in reading this post but I suddenly realize today how routin-ic I have been. It's the same thing everyday. How ignorant have I been. How typical. If I skimmed through my day like I just did, I know now more than ever that I need a life (ahhh ni yang kena buat rebonding ni). Splurge some, gain some. I need some adventure. Maybe some weird shoes that I never going to wear just to say someday "Hey I had that once".

"I painted my nails once but oh so pain in the ass nak makan nasi tak boleh guna tangan. And what a waste of money because end of period week you kena remove it. But hey, I did it once."

"I bought a RM600++ pair of baju kurung I really like once. Still fits but only wear it like 3 or 4 times in this lifetime. But hey, I bought it. Says something don't you think?"

"I went to french classes before. Yeah met some really cool french people, speaking french with them, and not to mention the ridiculous fees I have to pay every term. Yea I had some offers to go visit them in France during summer, but I turned them down. You know how it is when you're too busy socializing you forgot about the offer. But you know what, I was good in french."

"I signed up for a dance class last time. Yea I can recommend you a good dance teacher. If you ever want a partner, I'm happy to fill in the space. You want me to instruct you? Yeah sure. I did that once."

Ok I don't know why I have this thoughts but it's fun hahahahahaha.

Aahhhh the fine luxury of bragging - you don't even realize you're doing it.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Ok right now I can't contain my excitement.

[1] I got new tiger mouse! Hahahahah thanks Janice. The mouse is so like her, she likes anything cartoon-like things so ok I don't mind having a piece to remember her by. Not that she needs anything to have people reminded of her lah. The mouse is soooo smooth I'm so in love... - this is insane.

[2] Not so excited about this one but hey, I got new Microsoft Office 2007 installed today. Fullamak I'm so impressed. Not someone who puts Microsoft above anything else, I have to give it to them. Nice. It took me a while to accept that maybe they're doing a great job - I didn't like Vista at all when I first had to use it. But it turns out nicely, haven't given me any major problems integrating with other software. So, ok lah. As long as you don't give me problems and I can get my ob done, I have no quarrels.

[3] Abah tolong cucikan kete ari ni. Ok I'm not excited about this, I'm embarrased. I forgot to wash it during the weekend - busy lah with work and cooking and baking for Mueh. The car was in a state of beyond hygenic. Covered with dirt and dust I think you can make a dust drawing on the windows.... ah you knowla it's been raining lately. So this morning when I let the engine warm up for a while, abah tarik the hose and kain and started washing... ala abah... heheheheheh.... tenkiu. Senyum melebar je laaaaa.....

Layan hormon jap

Have you heard Me & Mrs Jones, Michael Buble's version?? Oh god I'm going to die. I could listen to it over and over and over again. I'm so attached to the song right now. Never mind it's about cheating people (alalalla), I can't stop feeling weak listening to him singing it.

I'm such an oldie at heart. I don't know if I'm qualified to say I like jazz because the jazz artists I seem to know only include Buble, Norah Jones and Jamie Cullum. Something about jazz is it's like it can be slow, cute, fast beat, cheeky, sad, sexy, dirty or simply happy. So much variety coming from one kind of music. And the lyrics are so simple and easy to remember, they sound fun and catchy. I don't think any other music can have lyrics like "Tell me when will you be mine. Tell me quando quando quando?" or "I won't dance, don't ask me. I won't dance, Madame, with you".

I first came to really like Buble when I first heard Home more than a year ago. The song is spectacular of course but more important thing is his voice. I got the same feeling like that time I heard Siti in that Puteri Gunung song -- alahai merdunya. I never noticed it earlier because he was always in very upbeat songs. Those music can play tricks on your ears especially the musically untrained ones like mine. You can hardly say Home is a jazz song but nevertheless, I don't think anyone else could have sung it better than he does. Seriously.

He probably succeeds in making it look easy and effortless but his songs are not easy to sing. He does alot of covers of other great artists, and those too are difficult songs - "A Song For You", "Fever", "Try A Little Tenderness" etc.

Ooh help! Nights like this, when it's raining, with dimmed lights, listening to slow songs, to that voice. Perfect perfect song to slow dance to (guys you should learn how to dance ~~~~). How can anyone have such mesmerizing voice?? Merayu-rayu alahai...

Friday, November 9, 2007

I smell death

I'm pronouncing my mouse as dead. After a year long service (only a year ah????), it is now has found it's final resting place -- under my bed. Was it worth RM40++? Only my next has yet acquired mouse will tell. Alaaa malasnye nak pegi beli lain.... someone pegi tulon belikan bleh??? Adda, ko cari mouse elok2 sket, karang time AGM bawak sekalilah, kang aku bayar balik.... lalalalala...

But until then I'll be using this bulky aka sangatla ugly ler tak terkata (and clicking punya la tak smooth and noisy) thing I saw sitting somewhere kat printer server. So I take lah... As long as it works baby I don't care.

Yesterday was Deepavali and I forgot to bring it home so I had to use the touch pad all day. Lenguhnya ya ampun! So bulky pun bulky lah as long I'm not hurting meself.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Urgh the pain

Waking up with your abdomen feels like it's trying to stretch a mile apart, sakit laaaa. Ah the 'privilege' of being a woman. Usually I like it when it rains when I wake up. But this time it's different because the colder it gets the crazier it gets ok. Sakit sakit sakit! Huh.

I can't wait to get today over with. When the clock strucks 12am, the pain will suddenly stop. Funny lah this biological thing. And it differs from a person to the other. I'm lucky I only have to face this one day from the rest of the period week. Some people can't even walk and for some, they have to endure for more than 1 day. So you see, an MC per month is quite reasonable don't you think. Heh!

Anyway, had quite a talk with Ganee yesterday. He's asked me to give it another thought. I felt so happy when he said that I don't know why. Maybe because some of the things he said - I feel my work and my presence here is being recognized. It's like your feelings is being validated if you know what I mean lah. I know we're all appreciated here but listening to your manager firsthand saying it to you - it is a different experience, entirely.

Different enough to make you rethink your decision.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

I wonder...

I'm looking at my friends' profiles. Gone were the days where all their points is 0. Now it's like 3333 for movies, 4445 for tv shows, 200 vampire points and whatnot etc. I bet they've been using up their opis time to do it all. There are loads and loads of other apps inside there and god knows how much time they spent on each one.

But I don't blame them. I truly understand how it can be addictive. Today I logged in my facebook account and saw some pokes and answered some true/false questions - during which I laughed every so often looking at the questions and the pokes. So that makes it fun.

Some people just have the drive to stay on top of the list so they work hard at it. Invites, answering quizzes, fights etc. When you're addicted, you're addicted.

I don't know lah how these people get lots of points so fast. But congrats anyway lah... shows how much you NOT work kat opis hahahhahah...

Anyway, AGM is coming soon. I believe good news are coming for all the Lavarians (bonus bonus). But nothing for me I guess since I'm leaving. Truth be told, I'd like to have an mc on that day so I won't feel too discouraged. It's hard you know, being surrounded by good people and share with them the good news and celebrate it and be jolly and happy and fat and everything. Of course I'll do that anytime with them but just a bad timing.

So you see what John Mayer has been saying in his song is right - "bad news never has good timing".

Friday, November 2, 2007

It's official

I'm leaving LAVA. Sad. I had all the intention of staying here for a long time if had not it been for the offer. But that's just how things happen in life, sometimes they surprise you with good news, sometimes they don't. In my case, I have no clue what this signifies.

Anyway, I'm so jealous like hell when I heard my friends' jobs as lecturers or taking up their master's/PhD. Aiyak tak tertahan lah kejelesan yang amat membara ni. But you know what, patience is a virtue. With hard work and perseverance I may get the same thing one day.


From left (standing): Bab (brand new dad), Fahmi (manga fan), Malik (taiko), Ganee (sensitive guy), Zul (tokey ebook), Mun (joomla apprentice), Ika (the person behind all the designs) , Syuk (big boss lah)
From left (sitting): Nuhaa (ahem), Adda (crazy rocker chic), Janice (tn tn tn), Ajeed (rosemary)

update: eh bila pulak Gmail upgrade their storage ni?? dulu ada 2GB je skang dah 4.5GB! muahahahahhahah truly Google understands my needs.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Thursday, October 25, 2007


I've been a offered a job. The thing is I wasn't even looking. They came to me. What puts me in dilemma is while I like being here (great boss, great colleagues, great everything...), their package isn't that much dissapointing at all. If I took up the offer, it'll be like working in SYABAS - great environment, alot of opportunities to expand, lots of programming and integration issues waiting to be solved, and the scale of project is always huge. It will be a very challenging post. For someone who came from that environment a couple of years back and then got here and has since been really laidback (some call it 'easy' job - but I call it much less hectic job than the one I had before but rewarding all the same on many different levels), I think like I'm losing my touch. I used to be quick and current.

We have something big coming our way here and I see lots of prospects. That alone leaves me every night thinking it over and over again.

Motivation is one funny thing. Some get motivated by themselves - they put their own initiatives and they make it work. Some need reminders and constant push from someone/something. Me? I'm both. Now which one will make me a better employee?


I got a call yesterday morning asking me to come in for an interview for another post (but I turned them down). Honestly speaking, I don't know what to make of this.

I had planned to stay here long. But when circumstances like this comes up, pening pening...

I haven't talked to Ganee about this but I'm sure he'll be supportive. Syuk will say something just to let it out of his mind but I know he is supportive as well. These are great managers. They offer advice no matter how small the problem is. I'm not expecting a counter offer because a good company won't do that. I know what lays ahead for these 2 different directions. At the end of the day I should be asking myself what my objectives in life are.

Looks like a long post. Well I didn't mean to. It's just something I need to get off my mind because nobody knows about it.

I need food.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Raya 2007

Everytime raya in Penang, I won't be put in the cooking section since we got mak-mak sedara for that. Instead I'll be put in charge to the creative tasks like langsir and bunga etc although I'm not creative myself. So for this year's, I had to finish up the langsir. What tool did they present me with? This very ancient metal thing sitting on top of cracked wood. I bet it's over 50 years in age.


Lots of configuration had to be done. Tarik-tarik. Pusing-pusing. Alahai antiknya mesin nih.... Apasal benang putih kuar kat lubang tu jadi itam??!


Engineer to be also busy plotting with the wires. That paddle is actually broken into two. Still acik insisted it can be used. Adeiii.


This little girl right here is just adorable. Listen to her talking and you'll quickly find out how smart she is. Dah la comel, cakap omputih plak tu. Ala geram!


Something is not right in this picture.


Abah comel!


I am tired

I don't understand the hype surrounding sending a malaysian to outer space. Well, maybe I do but I was less ecstatic when I heard their plan a year ago, to be honest with you.

Ask any children in the US about who they want to be when they grow up. Most of them would answer an astronaut or a waitress (I don't know why they like waitresses) or a millionaire. Ask a malaysian children, standard answer should be doctor, teacher, lawyer, accountant or an architect. When asked you don't want to be an astronaut?? Astro-what? They would fire you back. Now suddenly everyone wants to be an astronaut.

That's actually good, I have nothing againts it. What bugs me is the kesedaran masyarakat itself about the existence and the possibility of such height is actually achievable. Why now? Why not 10 years ago? When all the hype and the glamour hits you then suddenly you want to be it. See the typical malaysian attitude here? Sudah terjatuh baru tergadah or something like that.

While I'm proud to see a malaysian flag on the astronaut uniform, I'm so dissapointed at the role we play in the arena. I'd like to see a qualified malaysian flight engineer or a qualified malaysian scientist up there in the space. Not just some people doing experiments on behalf of other people just because other people can't go but he can.

I believe he is a smart man. He's a doctor for pete's sake. He's the chosen one among thousand others. Of course he went through that rigorous selection process. So that shows he deserves to go. Maybe this is a good first step towards space exploration for Malaysia.

But I already heard there's a plan of sending a second malaysian to go next time. And the amount of money they're going to spend - RM100mil ok. That much for one person. He better be an engineer or scientist, qualified by a known reputable institution. Meaning he takes all the test and passes, so baru la betul berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah. Bila other qualified astronauts saying things behind our back, then kita boleh back up. Ini sibuk dok compare dengan negara yang less developed, or negara yang tak penah hantar orang ke space. Seriously speaking lah kan, if you want to do a comparison, compare yourself with a better one so you will strive better. Kalau compare dengan orang yang lagi kurang, sampai sudah tak abes-abes megah sorang-sorang ye tak.

Just now visited someone in HTAR Klang. The condition there ya rabbiiiiiiiiii... punya la padat sampai tempat untuk one bed boleh share for four! Haaa RM100mil tu kalau diguna untuk expand hospital bagus jugak. Upgrade sikit part toilet untuk visitors tuh. Tak pun bagi better pay for the medical practitioners so takde la muka diorang asik masam jek sebab kena keja on weekend. Tak pun kalau nak guna jugak untuk alam maya space tu, start sponsoring bright students to study at NASA boleh? I think they didn't sponsor students to study aerospace before because the lack of job opportunities here. So if they sponsor still, the students won't come back and work here so that's considered a waste of money... so they opt for medics instead. Betul tak teori ni?

Oh mannn... I'm so tired and really need to go to bed. I'm feeling so malas to buat keje and sooooo penat (just got back from Pahang) but have to force myself switch on this notebook and in the effort of not switching it off back, I've been cursing dalam diam and lamenting so loudly so everyone in the house can hear me and know how malas and tired I am right now and they all advise me to just to go sleep - work can start tomorrow but against my own will my hands and my eyes have been awaken by a dose of caffeine. What can I do? Everything should be ready by tomorrow for testing. I have only 2 hands and can be at one place at a time. It is well known that I might not sleep at all tonight getting the job done. It should've been completed if it's not because of cuti raya and raya party at the office and this stupid *tooooot* keep on and on and on weighing myself down.

Oh well. I'm feeling sleepy.





Ooohh I love how a cake batter smells. That's how a home should smell like.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Somebody tried to break into our house

This morning, around 4am, when I was about to go to sleep, I heard something or someone at my window. I'm sure it's not cat because I waited for a while to make sure of it. The thing at my window was trying to open it. I quickly ran to get abah n mak. I could've waited and see who it was behind the curtain but since spontaneity and quick thinking are not one of my favorable traits, I was quickly overwhelmed with fear. The break entry just only happened 2 weeks ago! And here it was trying to get in again, at my window! When I was alone in the room!

The window has iron grills for extra protection. I could've have just waited a little longer and waited for the hand to come in and slashed it with whatever thing I could find. Instead I just sat there and I was just too terrified if whatever it was outside my window trying whatever it was trying to do, looked at me. I didn't want to know who or what it was either. To be honest, I was shaking so bad. I couldn't form a straight line when I told abah about it, I just pointed him to my window in my room. Abah and Muaz went out of the house to check. Muaz ended up sleeping in the living room watching out for me and mak came in to share my small bed with me until subuh.

I've mentioned before how I hate this neighborhood. One of the reason is this lah.

I can't imagine what would've happened if I was asleep at that time. I'm not a light sleeper, you know. I was watching movies the whole night because I had enough sleep already in the car getting back from Penang. So I thought okay let's do some movies and stay up late. Who would've thought that the thief would be so desperate last night? He obviously knew there were people in the house.

I woke up this morning feeling disorganized and a little bit intimidated. Now I feel a little disturbed at being alone in my room. I'm going to have to get that scissors under my pillow...

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Buka puasa @ Hyatt Saujana

We went off to buka puasa session last Monday. It was a blast.


For some reason I like this pic. Maybe it's because it's the only one that have all the boys smiling. Suka ati la tu perut kenyanggggggg.....


Selamat Raya everyone!!

UPDATE: aaaa kena buli kat opis!!!! nak balik awal ari kamis, tak kira!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


I got books to read! 2 of them! yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyea

Didn't expect them to arrive today but what a surprise... I'm so happy ngeeeeeeee

Thank you so much! Best aaa blek. Hmmm... anyway... 2 books! I'm so so so happy tralalalala.... that I giggled. Nothing wrong with that just that I have my own giggle. I think Adda would know how it sounds. Sort of let it out accidentally at office one time when I was deeply amused at one sms and immediately got remarks the likes of 'eiii nyampah aku dengar ko gelak camtu' or something like that hahaha.

And you know what the best part is. Getting this very foreign feeling over blek's handwriting on the envelope. Weird.... hehehe.... Seeing something real from you is just weird. Ye lah, I usually see words on screen, blog, email etc.

Speaking of handwriting, I have received a wedding invitation card from Adli. You know how you have this tiny little memories you can relate to people you know, regardless of how close or estranged you are. Ah this guy, I got a story about him... the memory just stuck there eventhough it's just a small one. Am reminiscing. Am amused. Am smiling. Well another time lah story story.

Need to reconjure caffeine practice. So much work but so little time. I find myself feeling drowsy as early as 9pm these days. What la.

Monday, October 8, 2007

i have so much of insecurities

Hazelnuts in Vanilla. Sinful.



Among all cookies cutters we have, despite my determination not to fall for heart shaped ones, I couldn't resist.



Spent the weekend downloading movies and watching them all. Was supposed to stand by at 12pm on Saturday but I overslept. Urghhh... was embarassed to be online 1 1/2 hour late and naturally, being someone who thinks too much, I forgot to apologize. Aiyak. Nice.
Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed

Something about watching Jude Law's movies.... warms my heart all over. I'm starting to think I'm desperate. Erk. What did I just say??? Oh god.

But then again, maybe not. Oh I don't know.

Change of subject. I have just realized recently I have never talked in real life to some people I chat with. Not just some people, but people I considered friends or people I've known their existence of for a long time. People like kacap, what's going on with that??? Sometimes we meet, right kacap? On gatherings and meetups and whatnot. We wave hands to acknowledge each other's presence. But we never talk to each other. What's up with that? haha. Strange life this is. People like blek... Well given you're so far berkelana di Europe and I doubt that we ever going to meet in person but if we ever did, I think it's going to be just as the same. This is really amusing to me for some reason and I couldn't really think of a reason as to why it happens though. Maybe despite the appearances, we are all practically very shy and quiet. We're just too afraid to make our first moves. Too self concious if we're going to get rejected or ignored. Or maybe we reason why make so much of an effort to say hi when we know we're going to see the same face again at another gatherings. A little hi can wait.

Hehehehe... must admit, this is worth a thought. I don't mind at all the way they choose to be, I'm just thinking out loud here. Kepada kacap and blek, rencana ini ditulis berdasarkan pemikiran hamba semata-mata. I'm sure you'll have your reasons. Anyway I have another example: me. I sometimes skip saying hi to people I know when I meet them and just smile and nod from afar. It's okay if you're not close but if you were best friends before, for instance, you should at least extend your warm hands and give them a hug shouldn't you? I fail in that department sometimes. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. Such a sad story.

Well, got to go. It's raining. Should be nice lying on bed with pillows and comforter with the fan spinning on max with air cond blaring. Ah bliss bliss.

Can I just end this post with this little snippet from a song. I'm so high... the emotional hormone is not at its normal level tonight. I'm feeling needy all of the sudden. Talk about perks of being a woman....haha.
No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through,
And you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.
I really want you.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

Rumahku dimasuki pencuri

As I'm writing this it's been 2 hours since the break entry. My heart is still beating fast. Goodness. I was staring into spaces for a while just now, not thinking of anything in particular, I just sat there on my bed and kept quiet.

I was so scared. The after effect still hasn't gone.

Mak and abah are not here. Muaz is. Nasib baik bulan puasa, Muaz was up to prepare the sahur. He didn't notice anything when he got out the sayur from the fridge and started to cook. Only when he went out to get the bawang he noticed the washing mashine was slightly moved and the cord had been taken out. Only then he noticed the window was slightly ajar. He came back inside and noticed that some of the white drawers were opened and the middle room has its light on. He quickly came into my room and woke me up, asking me if I moved the washing machine. Well of course I didn't, I think he was in shock he had to clear his mind.

I got up from bed and wanted to walk out but Muaz told me to stay. "Mueh rasa ada orang dalam rumah". Upon hearing that then only I could hear the sound of someone opening and slamming the drawers, in my parents' room. That minute I couldn't think of nothing else but how to get the damn thief out of the house. I didn't plan any suicidal stunts but I immediately think of the car alarms. Think how loud they can be in the wee hours and every muslims awake at that time. Maybe it would've been pointless but at least can startled the thief and get him out.

I was trying to call Muaz to get my keys but was afraid the thief could hear me. The fact that I'm a girl really made me even more nervous. I was a bit concious in my sweat pants and camisole as well. I thought of all the horrible things that could happen and that made me meremang all over.

Muaz, being a lurus bendul that he is, he went and tegur that damn thief from outside of the room, not to attack or anything, but it was loud enough to let him know that there's people in the house but spoken with a tone firm enough to send the message you better get out we mean no harm. I couldn't wait any longer for my car keys so I got out and get it myself. By the time I wanted to set it off the thief was gone.

Looking at the room, I must admit I was dumbstruck looking at the drawers and the cupboards door left opened. I noticed straight away that abah's dvd player was gone. I know mak is not the kind who stash cash inside her cupboard like some people. But having said that, all the jewelry and important documents, she does keep them there. I doubted that the thief got all he wanted looking at the drawers because he was looking at the wrong ones. He got only one right but I think he only managed to go halfway through. The documents are all there but the jewelry is not. I know about a gelang which mak rarely put on - I think it's one of the stuff that got nicked. That gelang is one valuable item.

Muaz didn't want to tell mak initially. He was awake the whole night and he actually heard all those kelentang kelentung from his room but he thought it was me. He locked all the gates and the doors the previous night so naturally he didn't pay any attention. He was worried mak would marah because tak jaga rumah. Alahai adik ku yang sorang ni.... mak kita tak macam tu. Takkan la mak nak marah sebab tu pulak. You took care of the house well, even protected me. It's clearly not your fault, the thief got in through the only window yang takde grill. Benda dah jadi...

I told him to call them anyway. No use of hiding things like this. I know his intention well, he didn't want to upset mak. Whatever he can cover, he'll cover it up - just because of that. His actions right after the thief went out proved it. He quickly put everything back into place, close the drawers etc. Not a good idea messing with evidence (I don't think he realized this at the time) but he did it sebab taknak mak susah hati...

Knowing mak like we adik-beradik do, we know how much this will impact her. She'll either cry (dalam hati) or fuss over lack of security or worry sick for a few days she won't sleep or more likely she'll do all of them. Now she's not as strong as before anymore. Any misfortune would cost alot to her health. So it's understandable how Muaz really is concerned about this. He simply doesn't want mak to get sick.... Betapa mulianya hatimu Muaz, rasa hormat pada mak abah, kaklong rasa antara 4 beradik, Muaz la yang paling tinggi sekali. Tak pernah kata tak to mak. Sentiasa lembut nada berbicara dengan orang tua. Sentiasa hormat kaklong, tak pernah pun melawan. Yang paling penting, rasa tanggungjawab Muaz terhadap rumah dan orang yang ada di dalamnya. Tak perlu dicanang pun, dan kaklong tak perlu dengar daripada orang lain, I can see it all in your actions. I can't imagine betapa besarnya redha mak pada Muaz.

Abah ngan mak on the way balik right now. We found out just now the house keys are missing. Nasib baik car keys semua ada.

Well he only got into 2 rooms, luckily. I think he got in the middle room first where all the computer stuff is but after going through the drawers he couldn't find anything (kertas and pins and besi). He didn't take anything from the pc, router is still there, or maybe he has plans for it later who knows. My room is at the front so I guess dia tak sempat. Nothing valuable in my room - only this company's laptop. Anyway I think the goddamn thief ingat rumah takde orang. Sesuka hati je dia masuk bilik bukak lampu, buat bising.

I'm still scared.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who wants this book?


I'm cleaning my shelf. Obviously I'm never going to read this again, so whoever interested, angkat tangan! I'll mail it to you.

UPDATE: Taken!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Bayar la woi

Just saw the news on tv about these reluctant PTPTN-aided students. They're are going to make it mandatory on 2010 to bayar balik through potongan gaji.

Ni tak puas ati ni. I don't like people intruding my payslips ok. I prefer setting up my own standing instructions online (like I do now) where I can see the transaction details anytime I want. Or cancel anything in an instant. That way I feel I'm in control of my own money. Of course I'm not going to cancel my monthly PTPTN contributions - I have a right mind. But look at what you self centered jerks have done to my life. And I'm not going to be nice about it now.

As far as I know, if you can afford to your ciggie packs or new set of cosmetics every other week, you sure can afford to pay back your loan. How hard can it be? My money rule is simple, you set aside an amount for your parents. Then with the balance you pay all you bills due lah including your PTPTN. After that take some for your savings. The balance, do whatever you like lah.

What you think you can run away from paying bills ke? You think one day it's just going to magically dissappear and you can enjoy everything free? Hello la brader wake up. There's no way you can run away from your responsibilities. Sikit punya baik govemen tolong you earn your degree, and now you're earning good money, is being grateful so hard to do? If you're muslims and not paying back - what a shame. Ingat la skettt even orang mati syahid pun tak lepas kalau hutang tak abes bayar wehh.

I'm not trying to potray myself in a good light here. I'm just so angry with these people, who has no virtue at all. One thing is if you don't pay, the amount will add up la because of the monthly interest. Second thing is, one of the reason they're stopping to convert loans to scholarships for top scorers is because you meat heads won't pay back. Ape jenis hati you people posses hah? Di buatnya someday your kids tak dapat loan and you don't have money to send them to university, hah time tu baru nak melompat.

And then there's these people who live a lifestyle far more extravagant than what they can afford. Stop living in fantasy lah, step up and stop acting like a spoilt teenager. Do you really need that sport rim? Do you really need that extra heels? Do you really need to expand your already big wardrobe? Bayar loan dulu. Kalau ada duit lebih, aa suka ati la nak wardrobe besar mana pun.


Like I said I don't like people intruding my payslips. In 2010 I may have to oblige. Kalau ye pun takde duit, susah sangat ke nak bayar at least RM50 tiap bulan. At least bayar tiap bulan whatever the amount. Don't give me that takde duit talk ok. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Beautiful morning


Awwww isn't he adorable. His mom wrote me a latter, telling me he's in KG2 now. I guess that means kindergarten level 2? Wrote him a letter the other day. With my handwriting it's going to be hard for the staff to translate to lebanese languange but hey I wrote really really big. Short and sweet.

You know when you spend more time typing than writing, when you get the chance to write it strikes you funny. You'll try to find the perfect position for your hand to sit on the table while holding the pen. I write on blank paper. Even though I'm used to it and can write in beautiful straight lines, I was struggling to get it right. I'm looking out for new penpals this time. The thing about penpals you have to accept is that 80% of them won't last. But something you lost, you'll gain back in the future. You just going to have to keep at it. In the long run, if you're persistent enough you'll be surprised at how long you've been corresponding with each other.

I must admit penpaling is not for everyone. What with emails and technology, some people find it unproductive to still write and go to the post office when you can write and get a reply within a few hours. I'm just saying I still feel it is well worth it.

And now what do we have here?


Ahhh... stacks of kad raya! Every year I send out the same amount. I send them to close friends, former close friends, future close friends, special close friends and recently made friends..... hehehehe..... Notice, no family. Hahaha! I see them everyday so what's the point. Except for Ammar since he's abroad. Wait till he's all settled and figured out what he's address is.

My inai on my fingers dah nak abis. So have to apply new. I tried the one in tube mak bought me. The color is yellowish orange. It's supposed to be reddish orange! Last time I tried another tube and the color wowed me but it faded so quickly I was so frustrated. This thing in tubes is perfect if you want to decorate your hands with all sorts of flowers and plants which I personaly dislike. Honestly, I don't like henna in a tube. I prefer grinding the henna leaves and make the paste myself. It's not that hard. You don't have to add some nasi or anything else. I wonder where the rubbish comes from. Just leave it to the leaves. They work magic.

I'm thinking of letting my hair grow long. I don't know. Maybe I keep it short as always. Maybe this time long?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Announcing my first nosebleed!


Well I couldn't resist. No pic here - too morbid to show. They say first time for everything so this is kinda weird actually. I have mixed feeling about it definitely but seeing that I'll never have nosebleed ever again, I'm just happy to say that it's disgusting and lively at the same time.

Thank you.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Missing Ammar

Ahh the memories of watching Ammar playing endless computer games, ignoring me when I kacau him with pointless questions to get his attention, and looking at him lying down on the sofa in the living room reading books....

He's gone now. And I'm just the same as the rest of the family, missing him like crazy.

Last Saturday was the day when I had to put myself together to not to cry. I didn't look at him directly in the eye when talking most of the time. Well there were alot of other people berebut to talk to him that day so I just watched from afar. My baby brother was going away - for 6 years! Alahai hati kakak mana yang tak sebak.

I was doing fine up until the minute they had to go pass the gate to the immigration counter. The last person to hug him was emak. Emak peluk Ammar lama jugak and then she started sobbing. I had to look away or else I would be too. Bergenang la air mata tapi tak menitik coz I diverted my focus to other things eg looking at people around me, looking down at my feet, walking away from the scene. When the group was already down there, everyone headed for the anjung tinjau. Mueh + Otel and me went there too and emak was so excited to see Ammar after he went through the immigration and pounding so hard on the glass wall to get his attention. Ammar finally looked up and waved and I couldn't take it. I watched to another direction and let emak and the rest have the fun. Emak was still sobbing.

Well after that they waited until the plane took off. I couldn't. So I went to Burger King instead.

On the way home, Otel told me what happened up in the anjung. Ammar had sent mak his last message right before they took off. Right after Otel finished saying the words, terus menitik air mata. Macam boleh terngiang-ngiang suara dia sebut ucapan terakhir tu. Alahai Ammar... cair hati kaklong macam ni.

Takpela.... belajar rajin-rajin, nanti senang kaklong mintak mc...


Wednesday, September 5, 2007


I have finished HP 7 some weeks ago and I must say I don't really like it. Yak.

And right now I'm reading Trading Up and I'm not even quarter-way through the book and I'm saying right now that I don't like it, at all. What a waste. Yak Yak. I'll send it away to someone in BookCrossing.

I was driving home today and something came up in my mind. I was imagining a life of my own - alone. I don't know why or how it came to me but it was fascinating. Getting a cat and eating vanilla ice cream while writing letters on my bed sounds intriguingly inviting. Cats and ice creams maybe not fascinating to you but it is to me. I'm not good with cats. Or any pets for that matter. While I LOVE vanilla ice creams, I've never done it with letters, or on my bed. I would have ice creams filled up my fridge and enjoy them anytime I want - while watching tv, while doing work, while watching dvds, while driving to work, while listening in skypecast, while every possible thing. I would get home and play with my cat first. Then I would ask him how his day was. And then I would complaint about work and how the weather had been so odd. He would be bored of course but then I would reward him with his favorite food. When I go to bed I would let my cat sleep with me.

Oh my, I'm so out of sync. It doesn't sound as exciting now. But then again it was what kept me away from the traffic jam.

I've had other glimpses of various lifestyle (well you can't do nothing much when you're driving alone but imagining things) but they're far more cruel and free and unforgivably high spirited so I'm not going to tell anyone but my closest circle who asks. Lalalala.

Hey I'm so interested in Wikify project. More on that later.

And I have to spread the word: The prizes are ok. I've registered but don't know when can I upload anything...hehehe.

Monday, September 3, 2007

I am what I am

I feel like I've made a big mistake. Oh well.

But anyways.

The bathroom needs to be scrubbed all over. The whole room needs to be swept clean. Everything must be vacuumed - there's a family of spiders breeding on top of my cupboard already. The bedsheet needs a change. My 2 bakul of freshly laundered baju needs to be folded and put away.

Or maybe I just let them rot as they're successfully doing now.

I feel this time of year is the worst time for me so far. The lowest point of the year July - September. I don't know why. I had more fever compared to last year and the year before and the year before that combined, coupled with muscle sprained. I'm having problems with work, I've been facing difficulties to work peacefully. Something is wrong with my nose now, it's bleeding from inside sometimes, and it's never dry these days it feels like I'll have flu forever. I have a very low self esteem right now I don't know how I get through the day without going crazy. I'm so vulnerable to the point where I think anyone can take advantage of me anytime they want. My head feels heavy. I have so much to think. And I am broke.

Something is going on inside my head. It's not at rest. I am not calm. I feel incomplete and incapable. Do you know that feeling when you're trying to understand something but it kinda eludes you in some mystical ways? Even the simplest thing you can't get hold of. It only comes to you later after everything has happened and you lost something along the way.

Oh I'm never gonna get this right am I.

Friday, August 31, 2007

"They would laugh at me because she doesn't like me."

You know how Petronas is so famous with its advertisements during any local celebrations right? I currently dig the ones interviewing the kids at school. Awwwww.... reminds me of my young chinese stalker when I was about the same age. He scared me with his ways but now I know he was probably wanted to be friends with me. *sigh* Funny days....





If everybody was there that cake won't be enough though.

Oh yeah, Adda aku dah anta sweater itam ko tuh ke laundry. Err tapi aku akan masih memerlukan khidmatnya, lebih2 lagi dikala cuaca asik nak hujan sejak kebelakangan ini.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Good days

I gotta say thanks to my colleagues for a very good surprise birthday cake yesterday. You know when you're planning a surprise for someone, you'll go a great length to not leak anything to the birthday boy/girl. You won't say anything remotely related to birthdays. You act like nothing happens. You're careful not to mention the slightest thing in fear of that boy/girl might pick something up. But when I'm that birthday girl, I couldn't see it coming eventhough Ajeed had talked so loud on the phone dropping out something that could've been a big hint. Anyway, yes it was a surprise to me. Thanks again.

I must say I'm sort of person who'll get embarrassed being put under the spotlight. I'm more behind the scene person, the one who puts all the little things together to get things right, who's mostly gone unnoticed. Not that I detest that, I actually enjoy watching my effort pays off.

Oh yea last night I met this group of the nicest people I know living on earth. They have some secret languange going on there and I didn't understand half of what they were talking about... haha.... not that I mind. I only see them like once a year so it was nice getting the updates firsthand on how they look these days etc. Funny to see how one of them being so serious and all manner-ly when talking to me when I know he's not like that at all with the rest of them... heheheheh... Well that's what you get when you see them only once a year. Spent like an hour or so watching these people behaving, then I sped off home for food. I didn't say much though. You put me in a group of people, I'll be really quiet. Put me in one on one then I'll talk.

Monday, August 27, 2007

My wish

Perfect song for Mueh (who never says no to me and never complaints), Otel (who always knows how to flatter) n Ammar (who's going away soon to study medic).
I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window

If it's cold outside
Show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you in the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace in every mistake
And you always give more than you take

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

Was on medical leave for 3 days! Huwallllamakk... well couldn't help it. I threw up a few times.

Some pointless pics.







Tuesday, August 14, 2007

That itches to buy books is here yet again

What I want, now.

1. A Place Called Here - Cecilia Ahern (RM35.90)
2. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold (RM23.03)
3. Empress Orchid - Anchee Min (RM31.60)

I've been waiting for [1] to come down from RM60. [2] is on sale and [3], goodness, it's been on my wishlist for quite a while now.

We're going to see Simpsons. I don't have high hopes but hey company pays for it so I got nothing to lose here except my precious sleeping hours - need to make up for what I lost over the weekend.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

I'm so mad

*mode tarik tarik rambut*

Stupid sismi. Lalalalala. My car is officially dirty for 3 weeks now. What a sense of accomplishment I'm telling you. I think I'll wash it tomorrow but only god knows when sismi is going to ever end. One damned project I tell you. The big heads don't know how to manage, now we're on the other end receiving all the blame. Well excuse me if I'm all hatred-y, get a mirror, and see what's been sticking in and out your ass.


I don't see myself being up from this chair tonight all the way till morning. I've been here since last night. And at 8am I have to be online to do some testing on TN server relocation. Aiyoh. Sudahlah satu assistant ditarik semula ke Mofaz, I have to do everything on my own now. The deadline is actually today but who cares anymore. With the stupid line being so unbelievablye freakin slow. Slower than anything that has ever existed on this planet. I could take a nap inbetween page load. Stupid website making my hair all oily. This is all so stupid. Terasa seperti berada di zaman purba where people still use kapur to write on cave walls ok. Or I could have finished it all by now and help Adda out dammit.

On a bright note, I think my kidney is ok. It has been really good, showing no sign of stress at all even though I'm all under that pile of work.

Monday, August 6, 2007

A quote

You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
- Albert Einstein

Friday, August 3, 2007

reminiscing old times...

Still is the life of your room
When you're not inside
And all of your things
Tell the sweetest story line
Your tears on these sheets
And your footsteps are down the hall
Tell me what I did
I can't find where the moment went wrong at all

You can be mad in the morning
I'll take back what I said
Just don't leave me alone here
It's cold, baby
Come back to bed

What will this fix
You know you're not a quick forgive
And I won't sleep through this
I survive on the breath you are finished with

You can be mad in the morning
Or the afternoon instead
But don't leave me
98 and 6 degrees of separation
From you baby
Come back to bed

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

My neck!

It feels like some muscle is dislocated. But I know it'll get better.

There's one thing that has been bothering me though. My left waist, there's a some sort of strain there as well. It started Sunday's night. I was trying to reach something on the floor from my bed, and I was having this baaaad hiccups. It just struck a searing pain that lasted only a moment or two. I wouldn't have cared if I don't have a history there you know. Muscle pain, sooner or later it'll be fine, provided you get proper rest. But the left waist area...

I don't want to repeat the hospital incident. I'm scared shitless.

Luckily I took a day off yesterday so I didn't get out of my room the whole day. I was kononnya trying to get rid of the strain by sleeping it off. My parents asik berleter apa jenis anak dara tak kuar kuar bilik but you know it's so depressing I couldn't even sleep last night. They don't know of course, I don't know how to tell them anyway.

Last time this happened, it took 3 days before a whole blood clot is formed and I was left unconcious in the pantry. Oh god.

Don't ask me for details, please. Search my blog for angiogram if you're so inclined.

Monday, July 30, 2007

I am crazy

I cannot believe myself participating in this year's Blogathon. In 3 1/2 hours time it's going to end. And I've been making cards every hour for the thon. While I have no idea where the cards will go after this is over, some of it of course I'll send them out to friends and loved ones. Abah ngan mak went out to visit Ammar and they took my cam. And I was left with my phonecam. What good would it do to intricate beads and colorful designs?? The contrast gone. The sharpness dissapeared. And my PSP not helping either, stupid plugin won't work. Chet. I was forced to post mediocre quality graphics.

My back hurts soooo much and my eyes are half opened.

My bed is right in front of me and I can't lie down or else I'd drop dead fall asleep like a stone and all my energy spent would be pointless. I don't get many sponsors coz I myself didn't make a buzz out of it. I initially wanted to be one of the sponsors/monitors. But it's okay. This is an experience in a lifetime. Would I do it again next year?

You gotta be kidding me.

Aargghh my back!!!!

Blogathon: PCRF

Bila pikir balik, doing the thon macam serupaaaaaa jek ngan sismi?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Old friends didn't recognize me?

We went out yesterday to celebrate Ammar's birthday. Went to see Harry Potter and afterwards got him the new HP book.

It was a good day.

I read the last 3 or 4 pages of the book and you know what, I felt this sudden warm feeling and it was just so overwhelming. I was left speechless. Yes books do have that effect on you. Those who don't read, or those who feel they don't have time to read - whatever your choice is, you know, you're missing out alot here. I mean just pick up any book, a small one and commit to it. You will learn alot, not just how amazing books are but you'll get to know yourself better. You'll know how to make better choices. And you'll know how to live. If there is a will, there is a way ladies and gentlemen...

There's something that have happened to me twice and I can't take it off my mind. Early this year, when I went out for lunch I thought I saw an old schoolmate - Farah Farhan, in Dataran Glomac, Kelana Jaya. We were sitting across each other and I kept on staring but she didn't seem to recognize me. Our eyes met a few times and I was smiling the whole time actually, well, my colleagues whom I was having lunch with couldn't stop telling jokes. I kept looking at her until I finally gave up. I couldn't be mistaken. She's a splitting image of Farah - putih melepak, petite, muka manis. Farah was not a classmate but she was in SPM98 - everyone of that batch knows everyone from that batch. Who are we kidding here. We're all quite bonded by our hostorical facts, in a way....

And yesterday, I thought I saw Natrah in SACC. She was with a lady friend, both clad in baju kurung. I didn't notice them until they were right in front of me. We looked at each other once and I don't think she knows who I am. I was trying to figure out if it was really Natrah and my body actually turned following the direction they were going. She was a classmate and a very challenging hi-class (yes that's what I labeled the A students then) one too. And that's the second time another SPM98'er didn't recognize me.

And then it just snapped - do I look really different??? I remember a buka puasa session a few years back and Natrah was there, along with Areen. Farah was also a roommate.

Maybe they're not who I think they are. Maybe I'm mistaken. Pelanduk dua serupa kot... But if they were really Natrah and Farah, hmmmm... I don't know what to say lah. Do I look that different now? I'm not offended, just curious, you know. Sometimes I think it's funny.

The good news is that Odah still reconizes me!! Yay! Luckily she has my phone number and she messaged me to ask is that me who she saw at Fariz Maju. I didn't notice the message right away because of the noise there but who cares. I got the message late and didn't have the opportunity to meet her but my old friend still recognizes my face. And with that, I end this post with a happy note. Yay!!

Friday, July 20, 2007


You know Harry Potter's last book is going to be released worldwide tomorrow right?

And I also know (for quite a some time now) that the book has leaked on the internet and people can download it for free. I have made no effort whatsoever to get it, and I don't know why. And today, I visited Georgous One's blog and there it is - spoilers!!! AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!


Now I feel like I should've done something about the leak. Be a bad girl, take advantage or something. I have regret THIS big.

We've preordered the book long time ago and we're going to get it tomorrow but I'm going to have to wait like a week, after Ammar finishes with it.

Can I have a copy please O Georgous One? Terasa amat gundah gelana sekarang ok.


Thursday, July 19, 2007


I have fever today but still have to come to office.

Now don't blame it on my boss or anything, it's actually my choice.

Once again, jacket Adda menjadi penyelamat dunia daripada hembusan angin ekon yang amatla menggetarkan jiwa. Dahla selalu ujan, mau tak idung ni berair. Takpe Adda, karang aku antar ini jacket gi dry clean. Hahaha. Thank god Ika is cuti-cuti mesia seminggu so I don't really have to worry when I switch off the ekon once a while.

I'm so appalled at the way people take my YM status so seriously... hmmmm.... just when I thought I can have fun statusing meself.

Meself want to get some zzzz. But meself have so much work pending. Meself don't want to do sismi. Meself think sismi is a whole lot of hoax. La la la. So meself will complete sismi at some other time. Because meself is enjoying doing other things. La la la.

Aiyak too much fluid in my nose. Ewww.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Run baby, run.

Blogathon 2007 is well on its way people. If you're one of those who's stuck under the tempurung, well now it's time to break free. Find out about it here.

Off topic, my throat feels so sore. Please don't let fever and cold virus breed in my blood cells... Work aside, I have so many movies to catch up.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Yet another discovery

I remember blogging about how Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris boring me to death. It's supposed to be a fun book, since the writer is a comedian an all. And it struck me odd as to why it keeps on getting good reviews all this while. Many people says the book is funny but I didn't see why.

So I decided last night to reread it.

And this time, after only a few chapters, I came to full submission. It's hilarious!

Maybe I'm slow at picking up jokes. Maybe I read it last time only half heartedly. Or maybe I just don't like to agree with people on first read. See, I'm so stubborn. And very hard to please.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

when's it going to end....

Aduhai sismi..... di tengah ke'excited'an projek lain, kehadirannya yang lip lap lip lap tu sangat lah memberikan satu perasaan yang amatlah sayu.

I don't know why, lately, everytime sismi comes up, suddenly everything becomes dull. It is just not exciting anymore. That is why the time to build a system shoud not be allowed to go over 3 months. 5 months top. Obviously the researchers who came up with the theory had conducted a very very thorough experiment. By nature, a developer are actually an artist, a very procedural one. They are problem solvers. When you keep on giving them the same problem that has been resolved earlier on, but with different answer everytime, they are bound to get really annoyed and inefficient. If that happens alot, who's to say you're not going to give the same problem again in the future? And when you do, from then on, they won't trust you anymore. When the trust is broken, imagine a broken marriage and conclude from that.

Just when I'm having fun doing something else that's different and organized.


I want to get it off my back and I want to do it right.

So I will stop writing for now and get back to work.

p/s: I just got to know that there's New Seven Wonders of The World. Hmmmm.... macam2.... Statue of Liberty tak menang....hahahahhaha *joget keliling pc*

Update: You know what, I ended up reading Mr. Mayer's blog and borak with Adda instead. No sismi for tonight thank you. Lagipun nyamuk asik kacau, better get under the kelambu fast and have a nice shut eye ok... lalalalala....

Saturday, July 7, 2007

By doing this meme you are contributing rm127 to the Darul Izzah Orphanage

I just had to blog something on this very 'ongggg' day....hahaha. And what could be more rewarding than doing a tag for some charity. I have nothing better to do. Can't remember when's the last time I've been tagged.

I'm not sure how the charity comes in though. If it's true, doing the tag will contribute, that's great. But if it's not, let's not get our spirit down shall we. Tags are always fun anyway.

So before I start, I want to tag other people first. Call it spoiling the surprise or unconventional way of doing it, but I don't care. Better yet, just skip my tag and go do yours. :p The tag is so serious and sober, almost personal. So don't read mine. Do yours:

1. Adda
2. Blek
3. Tipah
4. Emmachan
5. Hajime (alaaa ape salahnyer blog satu entry :p)
6. Errr... kacap ko nak buat tak?

The rule:
If you are tagged, you need to write an entry related to the meme. At the end of your entry you just need to tag as many person as you like. You will then leave a comment in their blog to let them know they have been tagged. And to include this message, "By doing this meme you are contributing rm127 to the Darul Izzah Orphanage". The meme is about completing at least seventeen out of twenty seven sentences. Copy the tags here.

1. A person is only as good as
he wants himself to be

2. Friendship is always
about being wrong but never being walked out on

3. To love is to
say "I've been wrong and I'm sorry" even though it's not your fault

4. Money makes me

5. I miss
the smell of fresh cut grass in the morning and the ocean breeze blowing in the window of a hotel room where I'm staying for the weekend

6. My way of saying I care is by
doing the extra little things that people usually tend to not notice

7. I try to spread love and happiness by
spending on gifts and cards for ____

8. Pick the flowers when
you feel like it - don't force yourself to do something you don't enjoy

9. To love someone is to
give it your everything to make it work

10. Beauty is
when a woman finds out that she's pregnant OR when fathers playing with ther kids

11. When I was thirteen, what I remember the most was
how a big deal it was to get an entry to a boarding school

12. When I was twenty one, I remember
turning 21 and treating myself a good meal

13. I am most happy when
my family is doing well and when I have a shoulder to cry on and when I have a career

14. Nothing makes me happier than
falling in love

15. If I can change one thing, I will change
everything about my former high school - the teachers, the headmaster

16. If smiles were balloons
then I'd blow a whole lot of them and tell the wind to send it to my friends anywhere in the world

17. Wouldn't it be nice if we could
have world peace

18. If you want to --
then you have to --

19. Money is not everything but
it guarantees you the best of education for your kids

20. The most touching moments I have experienced is
my ex driving through bad traffic all the way to Penang to meet me and my family, and facing the same traffic all the way back the next day

21. I smile when
I think of my brothers

22. When I am happy, I
usually hide it and feeling embarrased afterwards had anybody seen me (only applies to non-family male existence)

23. If only I don't have to --
then --

24. The best thing I did yesterday was
nothing - in fact I had a bad day with Ganee kept on finding bugs in my module - how could I be so rookie-ish??

25. If I ever write a book, I will give it this title,
"Love at first sight?: It's rubbish." OR
"How to find the perfect gentleman: Where they are and How to make they react to the sensual you."

26. One thing I must do before I die is
to have a home

27. Doing this meme, I feel like
having a cup of hot sweeeeeeet tea

Tuesday, July 3, 2007


Why would you want to force something that isn't there.


Somebody save me please.

Friday, June 29, 2007


I read this month's Mastika copy last night(or is it July's already?) and guess what. I can't help feeling so stupid over their hot issue this time: violence against women. I have nothing against the topic, certainly not againts any violence, especially if it involves women.


This particular copy pisses me off. Not the magazine but at the people they interviewed.

I know that they've been covering issues like rape, domestic violence, murder, etc you get the idea lah. This one I read focuses on prostitutes. They were doing an interview on this one (not so young) lady who claims she can't do anything better so she resolves to selling herself on the street.

I was astounded at the way she put the words together. I found out that there's actually an industri pelacuran negara. And there's such things as melacur diri dengan ikhlas. She just don't understand why people keep going to the younger ones who don't offer services as excellent as she does. And these young chicks are serioulsy damaging the industry. I mean, wtf? She seriously got loose nuts inside her head somewhere.

I'm sorry. Am emotional now over this stupid, immature, unconceivable thing.

p/s: oh my god my inbox is full with forwarded stuff.... i haven't been able to forward them back... so get ready my fellow online-ly available acquaintance... i'll spam you like there's no tomorrow....

Monday, June 25, 2007

My Retail Theraphy

I've got new favorite store: Naf Naf. I just love the tee's and the blouses there. I love that place, especially if it's sales season, like yesterday. Thank god I went out yesterday. So I got meself a new pretty little blouse and a yellow tee. I got both at 60% and 40% off the original price. Well that's alot considering I don't do expensive stuff that much especially in wardrobe. Maybe that's going to change from now on. Not that I'll splurge and splurge like a mad woman, just... you know, sometimes it feels good to spend on something really nice.

I got a pair of jeans too. Yay!!! Fits me verryyyy nicely and I like the very much ok. I'm so happy I got new clothes hahahaha.

Off topic, I'm so amazed at the dilligence of private colleges of admitting star students. Offer letters keeps on coming and coming for Ammar, complete with scholarship packages... We don't have any idea where they get the address but even if they have spies somewhere shouldn't they know already which student not a good prospect anymore aka they have accepted offer somewhere else. These colleges just don't give up and they have so many ways of attracting the youngins. The first one arrived was from one of top design college which has a branch somewhere in London. Yes they offered scholarship also in the form of 50% discount of study fees. But still looking at the other 50% we have to pay is such a staggering amount we started to feel they're putting a scam on us. Anak datok bolehla. Anak orang-orang miskin like my family, alahaiii.... Tengok alamat rumah pun kawasan kampung, where got money to pay that much la mister....

* sigh * World today.

I applaud this: Jangan cepat melompat (coz I received the forwarded email as well)

Friday, June 22, 2007

Hujan di malam hari

Last night was fun.

I was doing some work right from sitting inside of my car, on the driver seat. With the engine still on, with the cd player blasting god knows how loud. And I was right on the road, on the right lane. Why?

Last night some tree decided to fall down and block the road totally and make it impossible to get across. So I was right there 2 cars behind the fallen big tree and surprisingly I wasn't that grumpy. Maybe because I believe there's some other banjir victims somewhere cursing everyone and everything why the hell no one is there to help move their things out of the house etc. So I was there safe and sound, only a little late for dinner. But other than that, I'm fine baby.

1 hour didn't go away unconsumed that easily. I got work to finish. So switch on the laptop and get on with it I did.

While at that, I enjoyed glancing a moment or two at the mamat2 bomba bekerja keras memotong pokok tersebut. I got nothing better to do right. The traffic from the opposite direction was really bad too. Typical malaysians la tuh. Everybody wants to slow down to take a peek, so it would become their next big news to brag about. So it became one big mess traffic jam. But what did I care, I was comfortable in my car. As soon as they finished whatever they were doing to the tree, I'd be out of there.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Activity for the weekend

SATURDAY aka period pain day

0000 - 0500: dvd's
0500 - 1300: sleep
1300 - 1500: lunch + tv
1500 - 1700: online + a little chat with long lost friend
1700 - 2000: sleep (only way to avoid the period pain)
2000 - 2300: dinner + tv
2300 - 0000: dvd's

SUNDAY aka no mood day

0000 - 0200: dvd's
0200 - 1100: sleep
1100 - 1430: breakfast + tv
1430 - 1630: lunch + tv
1630 - 1800: car wash
1800 - 2000: reply penpal's letters + chat
2000 - 2100: make messy room clean again
2100 - 2200: reply more letters
2200 - 2300: update stupid blog
2300 - 0000: maybe do some work, make that stupid cronjob works

Ok time for boring pictures....

DVDs and the like


This can form a fluffy black rabbit.


The bed


The shelf


The workstation. I hate the new chair. The old one is so much comfier.


The hangouts and the dropouts


Friday, June 8, 2007

stupid writer's block

Granted that I'm not a writer.

Still I couldn't bring myself to blog. Lot's of stuff happening but I always put other things first. Anyway, this is just a boring filler. Signs that I'm still here breathing.

Speaking of signs, I always received emails telling stories of signs of your death. I mean tell tale signs 100 days before you die. Seriously nobody knows when we're going to die except for the Great Almighty. Quran says so. If given the choice would you take some anonymous words before Quran? Which one would you rather believe? And then there's this estimations when Qiamat gonna come. Nobody knows lah. It is just a calculations that certainly is questionable at best. For all that I know it can happen tomorrow. Tonight is also possible. Isk. Insaf jap.

This shows how we need more well bred ulama who can evolve with time, yet stays true to Islam teachings.

It's not my place to say these things. I'm only voicing my stand on this issue.

You know those emails are good for reminders. It's up to the reader to think it through. Sometimes I worry because believing in signs like that can bring you to syirik. Na'uzubillah.

It's my habit to share whatever interesting emails with friends and colleagues (sorry for invading your inbox with vids and all - haha!). But for those kind of emails, as for me, they are going to stay in my inbox and not going anywhere else.

Thursday, May 31, 2007


Alahaiiii teringinnyer nak sambung belajar... huhuhuhu...

I want a PhD. Is it so bad to want something that seems far unreachable?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Kita selalu Bertanya............. dan Al-Quran sudah menjawabnya.............



"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan saja mengatakan; "Kami telah beriman," ("I am full of faith to Allah") sedangkan mereka tidak diuji? Dan sesungguhnya Kami telah menguji org2 yg sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui org2 yg benar dan, sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui org2 yg dusta."

-Surah Al-Ankabut ayat 2-3



"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesua tu padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi pula kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu, Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui."

- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 216



"Allah tidak membebani seseorang itu melainkan sesuai dengan kesanggupannya."

- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286



"Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org2 yg paling tinggi darjatnya, jika kamu org2 yg beriman."

- Surah Al-Imran ayat 139



"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Bersabarlah kamu (menghadapi segala kesukaran dalam mengerjakan perkara-perkara yang berkebajikan), dan kuatkanlah kesabaran kamu lebih daripada kesabaran musuh, di medan perjuangan), dan bersedialah (dengan kekuatan pertahanan di daerah-daerah sempadan) serta bertaqwalah (be fearfull of Allah The Almighty) kamu kepada Allah supaya, kamu berjaya (mencapai kemenangan)."



"Dan mintalah pertolongan (kepada Allah) dengan jalan sabar dan mengerjakan sembahyang; dan sesungguhnya sembahyang itu amatlah berat kecuali kepada orang-orang yang khusyuk"

- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 45



"Sesungguhnya Allah telah membeli dari org2 mu'min, diri, harta mereka dengan memberikan syurga utk mereka... ?

- Surah At-Taubah ayat 111



"Cukuplah Allah bagiku, tidak ada Tuhan selain dari Nya. Hanya kepadaNya aku bertawakkal."

- Surah At-Taubah ayat 129



"... ..dan jgnlah kamu berputus asa dr rahmat Allah. Sesungguhnya tiada berputus asa dr rahmat Allah melainkan kaum yg kafir."

- Surah Yusuf ayat 12

Kalu nak mengeluh lagi ............jom gi ngaji

Kesimpulan: Kenapa kita perlekeh Islam ketinggalan zaman?? Dalam Quran semuanya ada.