Saturday, September 29, 2007

Rumahku dimasuki pencuri

As I'm writing this it's been 2 hours since the break entry. My heart is still beating fast. Goodness. I was staring into spaces for a while just now, not thinking of anything in particular, I just sat there on my bed and kept quiet.

I was so scared. The after effect still hasn't gone.

Mak and abah are not here. Muaz is. Nasib baik bulan puasa, Muaz was up to prepare the sahur. He didn't notice anything when he got out the sayur from the fridge and started to cook. Only when he went out to get the bawang he noticed the washing mashine was slightly moved and the cord had been taken out. Only then he noticed the window was slightly ajar. He came back inside and noticed that some of the white drawers were opened and the middle room has its light on. He quickly came into my room and woke me up, asking me if I moved the washing machine. Well of course I didn't, I think he was in shock he had to clear his mind.

I got up from bed and wanted to walk out but Muaz told me to stay. "Mueh rasa ada orang dalam rumah". Upon hearing that then only I could hear the sound of someone opening and slamming the drawers, in my parents' room. That minute I couldn't think of nothing else but how to get the damn thief out of the house. I didn't plan any suicidal stunts but I immediately think of the car alarms. Think how loud they can be in the wee hours and every muslims awake at that time. Maybe it would've been pointless but at least can startled the thief and get him out.

I was trying to call Muaz to get my keys but was afraid the thief could hear me. The fact that I'm a girl really made me even more nervous. I was a bit concious in my sweat pants and camisole as well. I thought of all the horrible things that could happen and that made me meremang all over.

Muaz, being a lurus bendul that he is, he went and tegur that damn thief from outside of the room, not to attack or anything, but it was loud enough to let him know that there's people in the house but spoken with a tone firm enough to send the message you better get out we mean no harm. I couldn't wait any longer for my car keys so I got out and get it myself. By the time I wanted to set it off the thief was gone.

Looking at the room, I must admit I was dumbstruck looking at the drawers and the cupboards door left opened. I noticed straight away that abah's dvd player was gone. I know mak is not the kind who stash cash inside her cupboard like some people. But having said that, all the jewelry and important documents, she does keep them there. I doubted that the thief got all he wanted looking at the drawers because he was looking at the wrong ones. He got only one right but I think he only managed to go halfway through. The documents are all there but the jewelry is not. I know about a gelang which mak rarely put on - I think it's one of the stuff that got nicked. That gelang is one valuable item.

Muaz didn't want to tell mak initially. He was awake the whole night and he actually heard all those kelentang kelentung from his room but he thought it was me. He locked all the gates and the doors the previous night so naturally he didn't pay any attention. He was worried mak would marah because tak jaga rumah. Alahai adik ku yang sorang ni.... mak kita tak macam tu. Takkan la mak nak marah sebab tu pulak. You took care of the house well, even protected me. It's clearly not your fault, the thief got in through the only window yang takde grill. Benda dah jadi...

I told him to call them anyway. No use of hiding things like this. I know his intention well, he didn't want to upset mak. Whatever he can cover, he'll cover it up - just because of that. His actions right after the thief went out proved it. He quickly put everything back into place, close the drawers etc. Not a good idea messing with evidence (I don't think he realized this at the time) but he did it sebab taknak mak susah hati...

Knowing mak like we adik-beradik do, we know how much this will impact her. She'll either cry (dalam hati) or fuss over lack of security or worry sick for a few days she won't sleep or more likely she'll do all of them. Now she's not as strong as before anymore. Any misfortune would cost alot to her health. So it's understandable how Muaz really is concerned about this. He simply doesn't want mak to get sick.... Betapa mulianya hatimu Muaz, rasa hormat pada mak abah, kaklong rasa antara 4 beradik, Muaz la yang paling tinggi sekali. Tak pernah kata tak to mak. Sentiasa lembut nada berbicara dengan orang tua. Sentiasa hormat kaklong, tak pernah pun melawan. Yang paling penting, rasa tanggungjawab Muaz terhadap rumah dan orang yang ada di dalamnya. Tak perlu dicanang pun, dan kaklong tak perlu dengar daripada orang lain, I can see it all in your actions. I can't imagine betapa besarnya redha mak pada Muaz.

Abah ngan mak on the way balik right now. We found out just now the house keys are missing. Nasib baik car keys semua ada.

Well he only got into 2 rooms, luckily. I think he got in the middle room first where all the computer stuff is but after going through the drawers he couldn't find anything (kertas and pins and besi). He didn't take anything from the pc, router is still there, or maybe he has plans for it later who knows. My room is at the front so I guess dia tak sempat. Nothing valuable in my room - only this company's laptop. Anyway I think the goddamn thief ingat rumah takde orang. Sesuka hati je dia masuk bilik bukak lampu, buat bising.

I'm still scared.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Who wants this book?


I'm cleaning my shelf. Obviously I'm never going to read this again, so whoever interested, angkat tangan! I'll mail it to you.

UPDATE: Taken!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Bayar la woi

Just saw the news on tv about these reluctant PTPTN-aided students. They're are going to make it mandatory on 2010 to bayar balik through potongan gaji.

Ni tak puas ati ni. I don't like people intruding my payslips ok. I prefer setting up my own standing instructions online (like I do now) where I can see the transaction details anytime I want. Or cancel anything in an instant. That way I feel I'm in control of my own money. Of course I'm not going to cancel my monthly PTPTN contributions - I have a right mind. But look at what you self centered jerks have done to my life. And I'm not going to be nice about it now.

As far as I know, if you can afford to your ciggie packs or new set of cosmetics every other week, you sure can afford to pay back your loan. How hard can it be? My money rule is simple, you set aside an amount for your parents. Then with the balance you pay all you bills due lah including your PTPTN. After that take some for your savings. The balance, do whatever you like lah.

What you think you can run away from paying bills ke? You think one day it's just going to magically dissappear and you can enjoy everything free? Hello la brader wake up. There's no way you can run away from your responsibilities. Sikit punya baik govemen tolong you earn your degree, and now you're earning good money, is being grateful so hard to do? If you're muslims and not paying back - what a shame. Ingat la skettt even orang mati syahid pun tak lepas kalau hutang tak abes bayar wehh.

I'm not trying to potray myself in a good light here. I'm just so angry with these people, who has no virtue at all. One thing is if you don't pay, the amount will add up la because of the monthly interest. Second thing is, one of the reason they're stopping to convert loans to scholarships for top scorers is because you meat heads won't pay back. Ape jenis hati you people posses hah? Di buatnya someday your kids tak dapat loan and you don't have money to send them to university, hah time tu baru nak melompat.

And then there's these people who live a lifestyle far more extravagant than what they can afford. Stop living in fantasy lah, step up and stop acting like a spoilt teenager. Do you really need that sport rim? Do you really need that extra heels? Do you really need to expand your already big wardrobe? Bayar loan dulu. Kalau ada duit lebih, aa suka ati la nak wardrobe besar mana pun.


Like I said I don't like people intruding my payslips. In 2010 I may have to oblige. Kalau ye pun takde duit, susah sangat ke nak bayar at least RM50 tiap bulan. At least bayar tiap bulan whatever the amount. Don't give me that takde duit talk ok. Excuses. Excuses. Excuses. Where there is a will, there is a way.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Beautiful morning


Awwww isn't he adorable. His mom wrote me a latter, telling me he's in KG2 now. I guess that means kindergarten level 2? Wrote him a letter the other day. With my handwriting it's going to be hard for the staff to translate to lebanese languange but hey I wrote really really big. Short and sweet.

You know when you spend more time typing than writing, when you get the chance to write it strikes you funny. You'll try to find the perfect position for your hand to sit on the table while holding the pen. I write on blank paper. Even though I'm used to it and can write in beautiful straight lines, I was struggling to get it right. I'm looking out for new penpals this time. The thing about penpals you have to accept is that 80% of them won't last. But something you lost, you'll gain back in the future. You just going to have to keep at it. In the long run, if you're persistent enough you'll be surprised at how long you've been corresponding with each other.

I must admit penpaling is not for everyone. What with emails and technology, some people find it unproductive to still write and go to the post office when you can write and get a reply within a few hours. I'm just saying I still feel it is well worth it.

And now what do we have here?


Ahhh... stacks of kad raya! Every year I send out the same amount. I send them to close friends, former close friends, future close friends, special close friends and recently made friends..... hehehehe..... Notice, no family. Hahaha! I see them everyday so what's the point. Except for Ammar since he's abroad. Wait till he's all settled and figured out what he's address is.

My inai on my fingers dah nak abis. So have to apply new. I tried the one in tube mak bought me. The color is yellowish orange. It's supposed to be reddish orange! Last time I tried another tube and the color wowed me but it faded so quickly I was so frustrated. This thing in tubes is perfect if you want to decorate your hands with all sorts of flowers and plants which I personaly dislike. Honestly, I don't like henna in a tube. I prefer grinding the henna leaves and make the paste myself. It's not that hard. You don't have to add some nasi or anything else. I wonder where the rubbish comes from. Just leave it to the leaves. They work magic.

I'm thinking of letting my hair grow long. I don't know. Maybe I keep it short as always. Maybe this time long?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Announcing my first nosebleed!


Well I couldn't resist. No pic here - too morbid to show. They say first time for everything so this is kinda weird actually. I have mixed feeling about it definitely but seeing that I'll never have nosebleed ever again, I'm just happy to say that it's disgusting and lively at the same time.

Thank you.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Missing Ammar

Ahh the memories of watching Ammar playing endless computer games, ignoring me when I kacau him with pointless questions to get his attention, and looking at him lying down on the sofa in the living room reading books....

He's gone now. And I'm just the same as the rest of the family, missing him like crazy.

Last Saturday was the day when I had to put myself together to not to cry. I didn't look at him directly in the eye when talking most of the time. Well there were alot of other people berebut to talk to him that day so I just watched from afar. My baby brother was going away - for 6 years! Alahai hati kakak mana yang tak sebak.

I was doing fine up until the minute they had to go pass the gate to the immigration counter. The last person to hug him was emak. Emak peluk Ammar lama jugak and then she started sobbing. I had to look away or else I would be too. Bergenang la air mata tapi tak menitik coz I diverted my focus to other things eg looking at people around me, looking down at my feet, walking away from the scene. When the group was already down there, everyone headed for the anjung tinjau. Mueh + Otel and me went there too and emak was so excited to see Ammar after he went through the immigration and pounding so hard on the glass wall to get his attention. Ammar finally looked up and waved and I couldn't take it. I watched to another direction and let emak and the rest have the fun. Emak was still sobbing.

Well after that they waited until the plane took off. I couldn't. So I went to Burger King instead.

On the way home, Otel told me what happened up in the anjung. Ammar had sent mak his last message right before they took off. Right after Otel finished saying the words, terus menitik air mata. Macam boleh terngiang-ngiang suara dia sebut ucapan terakhir tu. Alahai Ammar... cair hati kaklong macam ni.

Takpela.... belajar rajin-rajin, nanti senang kaklong mintak mc...


Wednesday, September 5, 2007


I have finished HP 7 some weeks ago and I must say I don't really like it. Yak.

And right now I'm reading Trading Up and I'm not even quarter-way through the book and I'm saying right now that I don't like it, at all. What a waste. Yak Yak. I'll send it away to someone in BookCrossing.

I was driving home today and something came up in my mind. I was imagining a life of my own - alone. I don't know why or how it came to me but it was fascinating. Getting a cat and eating vanilla ice cream while writing letters on my bed sounds intriguingly inviting. Cats and ice creams maybe not fascinating to you but it is to me. I'm not good with cats. Or any pets for that matter. While I LOVE vanilla ice creams, I've never done it with letters, or on my bed. I would have ice creams filled up my fridge and enjoy them anytime I want - while watching tv, while doing work, while watching dvds, while driving to work, while listening in skypecast, while every possible thing. I would get home and play with my cat first. Then I would ask him how his day was. And then I would complaint about work and how the weather had been so odd. He would be bored of course but then I would reward him with his favorite food. When I go to bed I would let my cat sleep with me.

Oh my, I'm so out of sync. It doesn't sound as exciting now. But then again it was what kept me away from the traffic jam.

I've had other glimpses of various lifestyle (well you can't do nothing much when you're driving alone but imagining things) but they're far more cruel and free and unforgivably high spirited so I'm not going to tell anyone but my closest circle who asks. Lalalala.

Hey I'm so interested in Wikify project. More on that later.

And I have to spread the word: The prizes are ok. I've registered but don't know when can I upload anything...hehehe.

Monday, September 3, 2007

I am what I am

I feel like I've made a big mistake. Oh well.

But anyways.

The bathroom needs to be scrubbed all over. The whole room needs to be swept clean. Everything must be vacuumed - there's a family of spiders breeding on top of my cupboard already. The bedsheet needs a change. My 2 bakul of freshly laundered baju needs to be folded and put away.

Or maybe I just let them rot as they're successfully doing now.

I feel this time of year is the worst time for me so far. The lowest point of the year July - September. I don't know why. I had more fever compared to last year and the year before and the year before that combined, coupled with muscle sprained. I'm having problems with work, I've been facing difficulties to work peacefully. Something is wrong with my nose now, it's bleeding from inside sometimes, and it's never dry these days it feels like I'll have flu forever. I have a very low self esteem right now I don't know how I get through the day without going crazy. I'm so vulnerable to the point where I think anyone can take advantage of me anytime they want. My head feels heavy. I have so much to think. And I am broke.

Something is going on inside my head. It's not at rest. I am not calm. I feel incomplete and incapable. Do you know that feeling when you're trying to understand something but it kinda eludes you in some mystical ways? Even the simplest thing you can't get hold of. It only comes to you later after everything has happened and you lost something along the way.

Oh I'm never gonna get this right am I.