I've been feeling very low these past few days. I was on the verge of being jobless! How depressing can that be. I took yesterday off and hid in my room, only came out when it's time for dinner. I guess mak must have had noticed it because this morning while having breakfast she asked me why.
"Kaklong kenapa muka macam ada problem je?"
"Semalam cuti kenapa?"
All questions went unanswered. I just stared at the tv. I guess when my mind is so occupied I can shut it down from the world just like that.
I knew that last night while having dinner, she was giving away all signals to abah, poking and eye balling, about me being so quiet and eating so little. She wasn't that subtle, I could see from the corner of my eyes. But I couldn't care less - my head was heavier with all other stuff I had to think of.
Today when I got home, abah gave me a peck and I found a new blouse on my bed - made me smile instantly but somehow with a heavy heart.
When I think about it, the last time I felt this low was when I was just out of uni and anxious of being jobless. It's the same feeling, no mistake about it at all. I guess I can't stand the idea of not earning anything. My job defines me, without it I'm quite dull. Half of me is made of my job.
The other half, well, he's around.