Missing Ammar

Ahh the memories of watching Ammar playing endless computer games, ignoring me when I kacau him with pointless questions to get his attention, and looking at him lying down on the sofa in the living room reading books....

He's gone now. And I'm just the same as the rest of the family, missing him like crazy.

Last Saturday was the day when I had to put myself together to not to cry. I didn't look at him directly in the eye when talking most of the time. Well there were alot of other people berebut to talk to him that day so I just watched from afar. My baby brother was going away - for 6 years! Alahai hati kakak mana yang tak sebak.

I was doing fine up until the minute they had to go pass the gate to the immigration counter. The last person to hug him was emak. Emak peluk Ammar lama jugak and then she started sobbing. I had to look away or else I would be too. Bergenang la air mata tapi tak menitik coz I diverted my focus to other things eg looking at people around me, looking down at my feet, walking away from the scene. When the group was already down there, everyone headed for the anjung tinjau. Mueh + Otel and me went there too and emak was so excited to see Ammar after he went through the immigration and pounding so hard on the glass wall to get his attention. Ammar finally looked up and waved and I couldn't take it. I watched to another direction and let emak and the rest have the fun. Emak was still sobbing.

Well after that they waited until the plane took off. I couldn't. So I went to Burger King instead.

On the way home, Otel told me what happened up in the anjung. Ammar had sent mak his last message right before they took off. Right after Otel finished saying the words, terus menitik air mata. Macam boleh terngiang-ngiang suara dia sebut ucapan terakhir tu. Alahai Ammar... cair hati kaklong macam ni.

Takpela.... belajar rajin-rajin, nanti senang kaklong mintak mc...