Funerals have different effects on different people

Funerals. I've been to some. I don't usually stay long if I go to any that's not family. It's the grieving family members, because I can't bear looking at them. Such sadness and lost. It is so difficult to cope. And it's just discerningly intense. And profoundly reflective.

I don't like seeing dead bodies. They don't move. Have you ever felt like you're trying to catch up with air you're breathing? That's how I feel when I see one. It's not scared, it's something to do with you being not able to help with the situation and desperately need to get out of the scene but unable to. I feel even sicker if the visitors just come and sit and borak with each other, not reciting yaasin. I can't stop thinking if this is how my funeral would be like? With people coming just to fulfill their curiosity and not praying for my afterlife?

I've told you. I have been to funerals. Note the plural. And it's more than 2. I just can't watch any more dead bodies carried in front of me.

If there's one thing I like to be away from when I'm all breathing and healthy, is a place where death will most likely to happen. Or a place where it just happened. But that's not possible in this life isn't it. Sometimes you're bound to do what you feel is right. Even when you feel like you're going to explode and my god it takes the daylight out of you to be calm about it.

Lazy Sunday

Aahhhh Sundays. What a perfect day of not doing anything and just watch a string of DVDs. This is rarely the Sunday when I don't have to think about work or doing them. I believe this is true for Adda and Siti as well. What true taking-a-break.

Kak Liza had an invitation to a wedding reception. Adda and Siti followed but I chose to stay in. Besa la kalau that time of the month, konfem mesti the cramp tunjuk belang nye lah. Can't really move or sit comfortably. Yang tensen tu sampai berpeluh sebab tahan sakit even I'm in air conditioned room. I need constantly to keep my hand warm and put it on my stomach. I think it's just psycho tapi it gives me the feeling of warmth. Hey whatever works, I'm just going to do it. The cramp last for a day. What else can I do (say no to the pink pills).

They're out again for dinner. I can move comfortably now but I don't think I'll be comfortable being dressed up, far from the comfort of home (and bed). And my newly acquired bantal kecik.

Thinking of going to bed early but we'll see.

One word

Home

Bad energy

I was such in a bad mood yesterday. And it got worse last night sampai family plak terkena tempias. Ala sian... I think the mood is here to stay, until the day when I fly back home on next Thursday.

Abah & co is in Pahang at the moment. I had been wondering why they hadn't they been online for almost a week. Turned out they're having problems with TMnet kat umah. Abis cerita la kalau camtu. Diorang nyer service paham2 je la. Anyway, they took the trouble to get online at Mak Tih's last night. Installing Google Talk and everything. I rejected the call at first but then abah said mak wanted to talk. So I received the next one. Borak-borak sampai la cakap ngan Otel, then he kena marah over he not finding the shared document I sent him weeks earlier. Tu la bad mood nyer pasal, tak pasal2 jek kena marah.... isk. Sian family aku.

Ye la next week I'm going back. Looking forward to be home.

Sorry peeps

I've deleted the previous post (the 20th's).

After some thought, it's just not me to rattle on such undistinctive subject. I think it was the empty stomach I was on. You know how hunger can repel you in some odd ways. I was not writing with my usual self. And for that I truly regret what I said.

I've made a decision. Even though I haven't posted entries on various annoying people I've met in Brunei, I've decided not to talk bad about them from now on. But that's only if I'm not forced to. But even that, I'll talk about them with both my and his/her dignity in mind. I've decided that others have feelings too and I'm not going the one to be the reason to hurt them. I am not going to judge based on one side of the story. I am not going to believe right away what I see but I'm going to take a moment to reason everything up so at least I can come up with a few reasonable explanations of their action; consequently preventing myself from menambah dosa tak tentu pasal sebab mengata...huhu.... Even if it's true they are annoying beyond help, that's their problem.

I am going to follow abah's example of not mengata orang. He always has his own views and always bersangka baik dengan orang. I've never heard him saying anything bad about other people. I get him though: Islam suruh kita jaga silaturrahim dengan sesama kita. He doesn't say it but he sends the message out loud and clear.

So that boils down to this: I'm a muslim. I know that everyone's not perfect and I know there's people who just can't change. But it's about me here and how I'm going to live my life. So I'm going to take everything I see as a pinch of salt. And I'm going to watch my words coming out of my mouth. And I'll give my damnest best try to always think before speaking up.

Just so you know Adda and Siti, when I mentioned "various annoying people I've met in Brunei", you're not on the list.

This is an out of ordinary post. Maybe because I'm starving. Ooh the empty stomach again....

I'm going to take my shower now. It's already noon...

Untitled

The weekend has been good to me, thanks to completion of review on MUIB. Some changes still needed but that can wait. But there's THE UAT SCRIPT. And THE FRIGGIN UAT ITSELF. I wish time would stop for a week and I can take my own sweet time working on it with Siti.

Anyway, that aside. I'm here to report that I've done some serious mall tour with Adda today. Huwallamak kopaakkkk. Everytime shopping is involved, it always becomes a serious one. Take us to Bingo and we could spent hours in there pusing-pusing looking around and trying some. And always, ALWAYS we ended up buying. It's retail therapy, sure but still what bugs us here the most is the price tags. But who can say no to cute little girlie blousy... they wink at us all the time. And winks can be such an attractive come-on-over... hahaha...

My daily footwear to work has given up on me. I got a new one. My toiletries, of all the time they can choose to run out, they choose now. Takleh tunggu aku balik ke haa... isk. And I had to get new ones. My wrist watch is another thing. Dah nak putus. Haiya. Tunggu balik mesia la jawabnyer. Nda kose beli sini bah.

My first air cincau since the first day in Brunei. I had it the other day. Can you believe that. Cincau is like my second favourite drink. It's not that difficult to find it here. But to have not thought about it for over 2 months is just puzzling.

Is this a suitable artwork to put in a cafe????? Nampak macam malas jek. Where's the fun people.

You can find this virtually in every house in Brunei. Keropok udang. Krup krap krup krap.

In an attempt to bersangka baik...

...towards hajah. I know I'm not going to succeed but here goes:

1. She is being largely misunderstood by everyone of us. Maybe she means something else, something nice, but it's so cryptic it's hard to decipher by us normal people.

2. She has this personality and character issues which hasn't been solved. She's in need of professional help. In other words, she's probably sick. And she'll be embarrased if anyone knows so she keeps it to herself.

3. She had a very bad experience with us malaysians in the past. She seems to hate malaysians so much, some discrimination act is in full view at the office.

4. She has too much pressure at home, with kids and all so she takes it out all on us.

5. Maybe it's birth defects. Who knows.

6. She's just too busy to be nice to us all. You know how dedicated people work right. They have other priorities. Career development for instance. Climbing up the career ladder must be it since she so likes the Snoopy with the songkok and misai.

7. She has food disorder. Another wild guess that may have something to do with it, although doesn't seem likely, but who knows right.

8. She's giving us hell because she wants to toughen us all up. She believes that if we can stand her, we can stand the world. Or so.

9. She's on menopause??

10. She's older so she knows better. And is wiser too. So she's better than all of us and we should all follow her advise. She's always right.

Oh gee what am I doing here?? Didn't I tell you it wouldn't be a success? This is bull. But I score anyway because I tried.

Anyways. I'm so out of her radar. Not that I crave for her recognition. In fact I'm so glad that she doesn't. I'll be on my way out soon and quit all this shit. I'm not gaining anything with her in it.

The 'office' at its peak

Untitled

I hate IE7.

I love my Google services! To death.

Ya rabbi budak comey mana plak ni??!! Comeyyyy nyaaaaaaa...

Here and back again

Oh how I cringed at the almost familiar accent of bruneian today at the airport. And greeted by not so nice stories from Siti on one of our team member. Oh well. Life goes on. It can't get any worse than this can it now.

Okla Adda, fine. You're right. Kapal terbang takleh reverse on its own. There. Credit given. Thank you.

I'm feeling so sleep deprived I don't know why.

The first thing I did after 15 minutes arriving home was making and drinking caffeine. I'm going to be addicted to it for over a month here, take note of that.

I hate my mouse. I'd like a new one, possibly a pink one, if there is such thing. I don't really care how much it'll cost me anymore. Ok that's exaggerating. I want a new mouse.

Oh my eyes.

Right.

Solat and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Untitled

I couldn't wait to get back home to blog this. On my way home today, somebody called me on the phone with withheld number right. So I picked it up with the formal hello, not knowing who was on the other line.

I couldn't make any word of what he was saying. But it was definitely not english or cantonese or tamil or anything malaysian or I would've known. I couldn't guess the language.

Mysterious guy: mumbo jumbo gumbo dumbo blah blah....
Yours truly: Hello? Hello??.... Hello????
Mysterious guy: .... the jumbos again....
Yours truly: Who is this? Do you speak english?

I was on the verge of hanging up but I was so keen on knowing what was going on. Was there something wrong with my ear? Or was it the guy speaking malay with such an accent it deceived me?

And then, I heard one distinct sentence.

Mysterious guy: Tu parle francais?

Wait a minute. I know what that means.

Yours truly: Errr... no I don't speak french.
*silence*
Yours truly: *thinking hard with heart pounding fast* (how do I say a little in french? how do I reply him in french?) .....
*silence continues*
Yours truly: .... (eh this weird silence is killing me)

Then I hanged up. It was so intriguing! I enjoyed it very much I feel like I'm insane... oh yeah! It's true. Seconds after all these came to me. Non, je ne parle pas francais. Je suis malaisienne. Parlez-vous anglais? C'est qui? Je ne comprend pas. Aiyak, I let my future golden riak moment pass me by.

Anyway I don't know who called me. I'm pretty sure it was some foreigner wrong dialled me up. But it sure made me giggle like a mad woman in the car all the way home.

Untitled

Somebody has made me feel really special today. He always has been whenever he's around me. But tonight is the best. He came around, and at first, had me left speechless. My emotion was all stirred up and became unrecognizable, if that's possible. Well it's been a while. It took me quite some time to realize what I had felt was love and happiness.

And to top it off, I finally had my first KFC meal since getting back from Brunei (lazatnyer mak aihh cam 10 tahun tak makan). And I finally got this:

I think the mood now suits very well with this pic. I love my brothers. They make my life 3 times memorable with them in it!