Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I have to let this out of my chest

I can't stand my current PM. I just don't like his approach within the team. Maybe everyone else is fine with it but I'm not. I mean what the hell are you doing keep on blaming people around you. I confronted him once but he denied it. Come on. I know that game people play this days. You make other people feel guilty with your words and then right after that saying it's okay, don't mind about it, just do as I say blah blah blah. What's that suppose to mean??! Harsh words in one minute and then all comforting and soothing the next? I am not someone you can play your words with mister. You bring down a person's confidence real low and expect them to rise again all by themselves. Do you realize what you're doing.

I had this instinct within a few days meeting him. That something about his managerial skills really bugged me. I was relieved that I didn't have to report directly to him. I can see why he's a PM though. He has an exceptional persuasion skill most don't have. He's not that bad I can tell you as he's quite manipulative, an asset not to be looked down upon. Different people has different ways of doing things, I get it. But underestimating a subordinate or a colleague is not a clever thing to do. Believe me I've learned my lesson.

If I did something wrong, by all means, TEGUR. It's not like I haven't been corrected/reminded before. It's the after effect that makes the difference. While teguran by people in the past motivated me, his teguran on the other hand doesn't have the same effect.

Oh man what a headache this is. All this while I was trying my best. Is my best still not enough here? How dare you not letting me defence myself. Do you have any idea how Pengislaman looks like before I took over? Do you know how it looks like now? Do you know how big it is? Can you tell me some of the functions off the top of your head right now if I ask you to? Can you draw a basic goddamn flowchart of the flow of any one case in the system? I'm doing the job that's supposedly should've been done by group 1 - the complete flowchart for the SRS. If you have any idea how big it is by now, can you see how complex the flowchart can be? Have you ever offered any help to assist your developers? Like adding users and assigning their groups for instance. Sure it's not written on your job sheet but by just offering a hand it sure as hell will improve your reputation in your team's eye. Ever leaf through the UAT script, showed some effort you're trying to get to know the system?

Don't give me that shit you don't need to know the technicality thing. You're a PM for godsake. We need you more that your golf clubs do.

I'm sorry but you don't motivate me. I'd like to apply some quality in my product but you can't seem to understand that. Yea coz you're being pressured to get the payment. Fine, do whatever you like. I have lots of document to update. Change list, template guide, data entry, etc etc etc. Like you're going to help me with that.

Take a look at Adda and Siti. Have you ever tried to help these people? Take some burden off their shoulders or something.

How can you reason being a PM is easy. It's not about ordering people around to get the job done. It's about taking charge and paying attention. Take a look at how khalifahs did they work. Take a cue lah. You don't have to be perfect all the time. It's fine if you make a mistake. But learn from it. The past is there for you to look back and reevaluate. So let them be your guide. I'm not going to judge you if you're stuck or lost. Just ask for help and show some effort.

You know what's the most frustrating part? You are a nice man. I've seen you with your kids. What a wonderful father you are. You have the potential of being a great friend. But why this? What makes you so difficult to work with?

Monday, January 29, 2007

Unnecessary losses

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Post breakup

Awww... he's so sweet - compliments of Adda. Proves that nice men are around.

In a mad Sunday mood today I ordered 4 books totalling RM101.40 from MPH, with their having sales and free gift and all. Quiet a thoughtless purchase but they're books so what the heck right. All of them are chik lits with romance theme. I don't know why when I need to grieve and be miserable I would buy something to encourage me cry. Actually I don't really mind how much I'm paying for it. Last time I bought some really tear jerker DVD's and I was bawling at the end of watching each. What a drama. But it felt soooo good afterwards. I figured it's easier to spend one night and focusing your energy to get everything out of your system in one sitting than having to fake a smile every single day.

And today also I've decided to sponsor a child! In Lebanon no less. RM50 a month, not going to burn a hole that big no? What a sudden turn. But I've always dreamed of doing this since years before but lots of other organisation are asking over RM80, well that's just not within my budget. We should start small shouldn't we?

Well that's it for today. I'm going back to Malaysia this 31st for good. Can't wait to be home.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Tools and Smith

I love this idea: Gradefix. Intelligent homework management system for students.

And I love this: lov.li. A community of people who make art, crafts and handmade products, combining a social network, gallery and store. I remember those days when handmade greeting cards were my specialties. And buttons! How long was it since my last crochet????

New site: senduit. A web service for file sharing. Upload a file and get a shareable link that can expire in a determined amount of time. 100MB limit.

I've always been using SendThisFile.com if I need to email someone those big big files. Has been a gem ever since Koh introduced it to me. This one has no size limit but they only keep it like 3 days or so.

The other day I watched The Pursuit of Happiness. I have to tell you what a heartwarming performance it was. I've never seen Will Smith in that light before. Before it has always been catchy lines and action packed and hip hop music. Well just listen to the background score and you'll definitely agree with me. I went to check Oscar nominations afterwards and surprise surprise there he is under the coveted Performance by a Leading Actor category. All I'm saying is he's good.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Just when you think things can get worse

I've said it before and I say it again.


What can make me smile in an instant?
- The thoughts of my brothers


Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Ape hal aku kena marah ngan hajah tetiba nih??? Konpiusnyer. Tak pasal-pasal kena tempias. Pape je la hajah..... Selagi ko tak kaco aku nyer keje and aku hidup ngan aman, suka ati ko la nak buat ape pon. Aku buat keje aku jek. Hal-hal politik ni ko sendiri setel la ngan management aku malas amik tau bah.


Next topic: poems that rhymes. Oooh how I used to love those. Still do actually. This one I found has so much to do on what's happening in my life right now.
I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold.
He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black,
I wanted to find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,
"My child, they're all here with me.."

I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go."

Thursday, January 11, 2007


The connection is shitty here in Brunei. Okay it's not Brunei, it's this particular website we're working on. Seriously those people responsible for network and connection there don't have a clue what they're working with OR maybe they've tried but there's nothing they can do anymore to fix it so help them god.

Until it's fixed then only can I do my work so help me god.

Got here yesterday. And I must say the trip, although it was tiring, was very pleasing. I met such an agreeable gentleman on the plane. He's attending his sister-in-law's son's wedding here. He was travelling with his family. He's got 4 great kids. Amanda, Isabelle, Marcus and one more girl (I forgot the name already - starts with J). He's in baja selling business for about 4 years now. The company he works for is owned by Richard Koh (or was it Robert Koh), claimed to be one of the richest man in Malaysia. Before that he worked in data center for Tabung Haji in Kelana Jaya. He lives in Damansara Utama with his family. He's been to France. He demostrated on the plane how being in plantation business is much more profitable than in IT hardware. It's interesting to know that all those plantation giants are going to merge soon. He uses the airsick bag to throw the sampah and let the Air Asia to do some real work instead of just walking up and down the aisle. He reads on the plane. He thinks flying Air Asia is a waste of time (flight delays are most likely to happen). He offered me sweets before the the plane took off. With the kids, he's still got a long way to go. He theorized lightheartedly that kids these days wants all the expensive stuff, let the parents use the cheap ones. He exampled one of his girls walking in front of us pointing at her backpack, and then pointed at me and my backpack. Aiyah I felt a sheepish grin on my face (this one is different, I paid for it).

In the plane, Marcus asked me how long would it take for the plane to crash. At one point his dad was explaining about something he asked earlier. He didn't believe him and then proceed to declare his dad is a bullshit artist. And then he said Isabelle is a katak bawah tempurung...hahaha...

Anyway my point is I didn't even know this guy before I got in the plane. And the icebreaker was only "Is this seat taken?" (and hearing Marcus asking about the aircond not being cold enough later on - I just had to smile at a child's curiosity). I got out of the plane feeling exuberated. You know that kind of feeling when you suddenly think the world is a wonderful place with kind people to live with. Hey remember here I was heading to the dreadful Brunei, you have to give me credit for trying. And thank the family for that lively encounter.

I didn't get the gentleman's name though. Could it be Richard (or Robert) Koh himself?? hehehehehe couldn't resist imagining the unimaginable. Maybe not coz he seems very down to earth kind of guy.

Oh I finally got to put on henna on my fingers last Teusday. It's been so long. If people think henna is a sign of being engaged or married, that's just so katak bawah tempurung... hahaha

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I was looking for Harry Potter books...

....but I could only find 2 of them. What happened to the rest??? There goes my source of entertainment last weekend. Like I had the time to read these days. Everything wanted in a hurry I can find a little time for myself lately. Managed to squeeze in some time for a DVD last night, and a handful of good sleep. Amidst of all this madness, I finally able to spend the hours like I have all the time in the world... lalalalala....

Anyway, since things have been crazy, I couldn't spend so much time outside of the house. The boss even let me work from home. Same goes to Adda as well.

Penpaling is starting to take flight - which I am sooo happy about. I mean you spend 24/7 in front of your pc and typing. Don't you get agitated after a while? Like you lose touch with reality or something. I feel like I'm missing out alot. Not to mention missing on alot of company events while we're in Brunei. Everytime we get back we're like new staff or something, always looking around and being hushed to update meetings, no place to sit since they are always full. New faces keep popping up every now and then. Good to know that we've moved to a new place, new surrounding and less hectic. So we got our own place and bigger area to kick people when we get nervous or stressed out...

Anyway my point is at the end of the day what I need to unwind is laying on the bed, just before sleep, with a pen and a paper, thinking about what to write to another living person on another side of the world. And then writing it down. The key verb here is write. I've come to realize that no matter how fast emails can be, I can never catch up with them. Yet the funny thing is I'm a web developer. How strange. But then again people usually do the opposites of what they always do to break free don't they.

I have bad news: I'll be in a plane heading towards Brunei at this time of the hour tomorrow.

I'm in a dilemma - Bestari 206 or Picanto Suria or Getz?

*sigh* I think I'm going to take a nap.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


A Place Called Here

I've read all her books. I sent out two of then to fellow bookcrossers, of which one I just had to buy the second time around and keep it for myself. The book is just georgous! All her books are. This author is gifted.


I love my watch, for quite the obvious reasons.
1. The adorable dial face
2. Those freakin holes... hahaha
3. RM19.90


I can never find any scent quite as distinctive as Lolita Lempicka. Past experience has tought me a lesson. I since find myself looking for alternatives. I know they haven't stopped the production like it was falsely reported but you know, taking extra measure steps and all - keeping the spritzing down abit. Anyway, scent like this should be kept for special occasion shouldn't it.

It was so hard picking the one I like, took me months...

Anyway, I've always liked this. I've had this since uni time. I've found it difficult to find around here. Pehal la sume yang aku suka sume susah cari. Uwaaaa!!!!! Or maybe I'm not looking at the right place.


Newly acquired. I like it but I think everybody has this so I'm thinking of looking for other recommendations when I go to Penang. They got great sales people there. They have knowledge. Hmmmm..... bila plak nak balik Penang nihhh.


While Lolita will be seen on my dressing table till the day I die, those two will alternately keep me smelling nice (oooh yeah). As they're less expensive than an EDP (yes yes yes) so that makes one thing: they're free to be abused by yours truly every day and night, night and day... muahahahahahah...!!