Happy New Year!!

Home again finally. But with lots of work waiting to be done. With the router had to be returned (again) due to service incompetency of Aztech people or they probably do that on purpose of warranted items.... can't figure out which one. The point is I have to tarik the cable and replug everything somewhere else. I have to drag myself and notebook out of my room to get connected. This, ladies and gentlemen, is just so uncivilized. What's the point of having a notebook if you can't be mobile and be at ease connecting from wherever you are. Blech. No matter. I have somehow tricked my mind of believing that doing some work not in my room could actually be more productive. How so? Well I've wasted enough time to perform the witchcraft on my mind just now and truth be told I don't give a damn to how's and why's of things anymore. Thank you very much.

Thank goodness I don't have to come to the office for work for a week. Lots of self adjustments waiting in line. Time to wake up and get dressed for instance. And I have to be mentally prepared again to be working late hours in the office. There's insane pressure to face.

This is true. No matter how bad Brunei is, it's still very laid back kind of work environment we had there. While I was here prior to Brunei, I was given task this and that to complete. I remember I was more like a living skeleton than a human being. So you know how deflated I am at the thought of starting over. But then again, it's my choice from the beginning. I just have to get on with it. Afterall, what are we if not choices we made in life.

Okay. I'm actually fighting my heavy lids right now. Oh I was just thinking of something when I'm writing this. You know, if a doctor says he's busy and doesn't have a life, you can relate and understand why. But when a developer says he's busy and doesn't have a life, you get all sceptical and critical. Why is that? While a doctor saves lives, a developer makes life so much easier. Sometimes they even saves lives too. In different context of course but who can deny it if I am to mean it literally.

??

Anyway, I'm just perplexing my brain tissues. Lots of things to get over with. Tea please! Black. Extra sugar. On the double!

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X: How long will it take to complete Bantuan?
Me: Ummmm.... 2 weeks.
X: 2 weeks??? Lamanya! AJS pon dah siap masa tu. Pranikah pon dah siap by that time agaknya.
Me: *...right.... lalalalala*

Looking at his face when I said 2 weeks was priceless. He doesn't get the hidden message I think. Men. They have to be told exactly what we're thinking. But let's not get into that because right now I'm in a giving mood.

Will be home on the 28th. Will not be going to office till we're moved to the new building. Hurrah!

Ala the thought of coming back here just crushed my dream of living like a normal person again. Sad sad sad.

Fell asleep at 7 waiting for Siti to finish up 'tumpang'ing my notebook for printing. I was actually intending to catch up my reading but fell asleep nonetheless. I was thinking of doing some last minute checks on the system and go through the UAT script when she finished. Well you can do nothing much if you're laying in bed comfortably in such a perfect weather with tired mind and body. But I managed a few pages from the book though so there's progress. Now I'm fully awake and trying to get some sleep. But instead I can't help worrying what's going to happen tommorrow.

The fact is I'm really spent here. I mean I know life is much at slower pace in Brunei and I'm telling you it's much more demanding in life and work back at home and I should be happy not being in constant workaholic mode but I'm a victim here nevertheless. What an employee has got to do in a crooked position and being asked to return in January when it's well known we'll only be here up till December. I don't like being in a position where I know I'm not going to be satisfied at what I'll accomplish. Everything is so out of context. The situation is really bad they don't really care about the quality and service anymore. I don't feel like I'm giving something out to the people here. I mean the module I'm responsible of, it can be sooo much better and I can see where it can go and how it can be implemented but I'm just being cut off. It's just simply taken out of my hands. The worse part is I have to play along. What can be worse when you're forced to be part of something you really avoid of doing the rest of your life. You have principals and integrity you swore your life you'll live by it. Now you're looking at yourself doing the exact opposite thing. How does that happen??

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Seriously. I'm having a midlife crisis right now, right in my 20's.

Umm... I better drink my tea while it's warm.

Distance does the damnest thing

I'm so not in the mood of talking.

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The girls on their best behaviour.

Oh my. Nothing can beat this.

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I woke up this morning feeling numb because my sense of smell was not working! I couldn't smell my soap, my shampoo, my cleanser. Haiiiiiiii macam-macam orang tak sihat nih. But the thing is when I put on my lotion this morning I realized that it smelled different, and I liked it.

Well that's a good way to start a day.

Another news is hajah nyer kete kena curik kat Miri. More like her van than car. Ape pon, kesian plak. Imagine visiting a foreign place and lost your main transport. Nasib baik dekat je boleh call family mintak tulon amik. Sian meh. Malas plak aku nak ngulas topic yang satu ni.

I'm recovering (although I think I'm going through a hell of a way to do it).

I have just discovered that I love love love vintage clothing! ngeeeeeeee....

Heavily drugged

It feels like passing out in a minute and being wide awake the next. There's no easy way to put this: I have to take the med or else I wouldn't get better. The catch is that they make you damn sleepy. And I'm on the top of piles of work. I don't know which one to go first.

My voice has changed. The sore throat keeps coming back if I talk in loud voice. Whenever I cough it hurts my stomach so much I have to bend I keep mouthing oh fuck. I don't understand how anyone can stand this every morning. I really wish I was in Malaysia so I can give Pak Tam a visit and have him to fix me up. This is such a nuisance I have to blog it here over and over. Really, if it's not for the pressure here I wouldn't say a thing and would definitely sleep it off. The meds are so strong they can knock me off just like that. I'm so not used with drugs. I don't get sick that easily.

I'm half awake as I'm writing this. This is so bad. I can't differentiate my a and my z. Fever is gone, only now I'm battling with flu. I'm just afraid it'll get to my head and totally flatten me out. That is what I'm really worried about.

It's been a week. The thing is I don't really want to burden anyone. Things have been really slow and whether or not they've noticed it, I'm really really sad. It's just not my thing showing my emotions around. I'm always seen laughing or chuckling it out.

I just figured out my left eye can't see clearly. Great. Gotta have that fixed too. I make it sound mechanical now don't I. Whatever. I'm going to.. yea... whatever.

"apakah fungsi panadol. they don't have an effect on me."

Astonishing the amount of people reacting to my online status a few days back. Haha.

Wasn't expecting it at all. I was feeling so weak. It felt terrible. Hence, the not so subtle online status. Downed some panadol but all they do was cooling me off only for a while. The next morning the temperature was rising high again like it was on a ride or something. And fever being infectious as it is, the whole house has it now. The damp weather is not helping either (baju basuh tak kering... arrrgghhhh!!).

Now I'm gulping water like never before. Tomorrow have to go to work. Isk. My head doesn't feel light like it was before last Friday. I feel like I'm breathing fire... and I feel like I have Cyclops's eyes...

Blech.

Am waiting for Adda's drugs completing its work.

Great writer

Seeing this reminds me why I bought his second record without much thinking then. Mind you I'm very selective on buying music. Needless to say it turned out to be a great great great purchase. Not that my opinion should dictate your buying guide but I really like his music.

Especially when I'm so down with fever right now where every muscle is on strike, refusing to work with me. It feels so good to be smiling over a song. And it has been said smiling is a great workout. Hopefully I'll regain my strength tomorrow. Lotsa work to be done.



If he said there's a girl in front of him he's singing to, I'd believe him.

walimah

Aran dah selamat. Sorry I couldn't make it but I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding ceremony.

Lagi satu, Labu. So ucapan maaf bebanyak dan doa kebahagian mengiringi kalian berdua.

My tekak feels so sore right now. If it doesn't get better overnight I'm sure I'll have fever tomorrow. Aiyak!

Back in Brunei

URGH.

Some pointless pics.

Quick update

Well well what do you know. I'm at the airport waiting for the delaying flight to take off. Besa la Air Asia kalau tak delay dalam sehari tu tak sah.

Just feeling like updating since I've been told that the connection at home is shitty at the moment, so I won't be online for 5 days people. How refreshing. That means no work for me at least. Punya la risau aku takut tak sempat catch up dateline this coming Wednesday. I had only 1/2 hour sleep last night. And I've been feeling like dropping off there and then here since getting here - I'm soooo sleepy. Good that the zombie hours has paid off though. Tiada igauan hajah sepanjang cuti-cuti malaysia.....

Probably will catch some zzz during the flight. Forgot to down up the pills mom bekalkan ari tu. Risau pening wehhhh... tak pasal2 je bleh muntah nanti.

Funerals have different effects on different people

Funerals. I've been to some. I don't usually stay long if I go to any that's not family. It's the grieving family members, because I can't bear looking at them. Such sadness and lost. It is so difficult to cope. And it's just discerningly intense. And profoundly reflective.

I don't like seeing dead bodies. They don't move. Have you ever felt like you're trying to catch up with air you're breathing? That's how I feel when I see one. It's not scared, it's something to do with you being not able to help with the situation and desperately need to get out of the scene but unable to. I feel even sicker if the visitors just come and sit and borak with each other, not reciting yaasin. I can't stop thinking if this is how my funeral would be like? With people coming just to fulfill their curiosity and not praying for my afterlife?

I've told you. I have been to funerals. Note the plural. And it's more than 2. I just can't watch any more dead bodies carried in front of me.

If there's one thing I like to be away from when I'm all breathing and healthy, is a place where death will most likely to happen. Or a place where it just happened. But that's not possible in this life isn't it. Sometimes you're bound to do what you feel is right. Even when you feel like you're going to explode and my god it takes the daylight out of you to be calm about it.

Lazy Sunday

Aahhhh Sundays. What a perfect day of not doing anything and just watch a string of DVDs. This is rarely the Sunday when I don't have to think about work or doing them. I believe this is true for Adda and Siti as well. What true taking-a-break.

Kak Liza had an invitation to a wedding reception. Adda and Siti followed but I chose to stay in. Besa la kalau that time of the month, konfem mesti the cramp tunjuk belang nye lah. Can't really move or sit comfortably. Yang tensen tu sampai berpeluh sebab tahan sakit even I'm in air conditioned room. I need constantly to keep my hand warm and put it on my stomach. I think it's just psycho tapi it gives me the feeling of warmth. Hey whatever works, I'm just going to do it. The cramp last for a day. What else can I do (say no to the pink pills).

They're out again for dinner. I can move comfortably now but I don't think I'll be comfortable being dressed up, far from the comfort of home (and bed). And my newly acquired bantal kecik.

Thinking of going to bed early but we'll see.

One word

Home

Bad energy

I was such in a bad mood yesterday. And it got worse last night sampai family plak terkena tempias. Ala sian... I think the mood is here to stay, until the day when I fly back home on next Thursday.

Abah & co is in Pahang at the moment. I had been wondering why they hadn't they been online for almost a week. Turned out they're having problems with TMnet kat umah. Abis cerita la kalau camtu. Diorang nyer service paham2 je la. Anyway, they took the trouble to get online at Mak Tih's last night. Installing Google Talk and everything. I rejected the call at first but then abah said mak wanted to talk. So I received the next one. Borak-borak sampai la cakap ngan Otel, then he kena marah over he not finding the shared document I sent him weeks earlier. Tu la bad mood nyer pasal, tak pasal2 jek kena marah.... isk. Sian family aku.

Ye la next week I'm going back. Looking forward to be home.

Sorry peeps

I've deleted the previous post (the 20th's).

After some thought, it's just not me to rattle on such undistinctive subject. I think it was the empty stomach I was on. You know how hunger can repel you in some odd ways. I was not writing with my usual self. And for that I truly regret what I said.

I've made a decision. Even though I haven't posted entries on various annoying people I've met in Brunei, I've decided not to talk bad about them from now on. But that's only if I'm not forced to. But even that, I'll talk about them with both my and his/her dignity in mind. I've decided that others have feelings too and I'm not going the one to be the reason to hurt them. I am not going to judge based on one side of the story. I am not going to believe right away what I see but I'm going to take a moment to reason everything up so at least I can come up with a few reasonable explanations of their action; consequently preventing myself from menambah dosa tak tentu pasal sebab mengata...huhu.... Even if it's true they are annoying beyond help, that's their problem.

I am going to follow abah's example of not mengata orang. He always has his own views and always bersangka baik dengan orang. I've never heard him saying anything bad about other people. I get him though: Islam suruh kita jaga silaturrahim dengan sesama kita. He doesn't say it but he sends the message out loud and clear.

So that boils down to this: I'm a muslim. I know that everyone's not perfect and I know there's people who just can't change. But it's about me here and how I'm going to live my life. So I'm going to take everything I see as a pinch of salt. And I'm going to watch my words coming out of my mouth. And I'll give my damnest best try to always think before speaking up.

Just so you know Adda and Siti, when I mentioned "various annoying people I've met in Brunei", you're not on the list.

This is an out of ordinary post. Maybe because I'm starving. Ooh the empty stomach again....

I'm going to take my shower now. It's already noon...

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The weekend has been good to me, thanks to completion of review on MUIB. Some changes still needed but that can wait. But there's THE UAT SCRIPT. And THE FRIGGIN UAT ITSELF. I wish time would stop for a week and I can take my own sweet time working on it with Siti.

Anyway, that aside. I'm here to report that I've done some serious mall tour with Adda today. Huwallamak kopaakkkk. Everytime shopping is involved, it always becomes a serious one. Take us to Bingo and we could spent hours in there pusing-pusing looking around and trying some. And always, ALWAYS we ended up buying. It's retail therapy, sure but still what bugs us here the most is the price tags. But who can say no to cute little girlie blousy... they wink at us all the time. And winks can be such an attractive come-on-over... hahaha...

My daily footwear to work has given up on me. I got a new one. My toiletries, of all the time they can choose to run out, they choose now. Takleh tunggu aku balik ke haa... isk. And I had to get new ones. My wrist watch is another thing. Dah nak putus. Haiya. Tunggu balik mesia la jawabnyer. Nda kose beli sini bah.

My first air cincau since the first day in Brunei. I had it the other day. Can you believe that. Cincau is like my second favourite drink. It's not that difficult to find it here. But to have not thought about it for over 2 months is just puzzling.

Is this a suitable artwork to put in a cafe????? Nampak macam malas jek. Where's the fun people.

You can find this virtually in every house in Brunei. Keropok udang. Krup krap krup krap.

In an attempt to bersangka baik...

...towards hajah. I know I'm not going to succeed but here goes:

1. She is being largely misunderstood by everyone of us. Maybe she means something else, something nice, but it's so cryptic it's hard to decipher by us normal people.

2. She has this personality and character issues which hasn't been solved. She's in need of professional help. In other words, she's probably sick. And she'll be embarrased if anyone knows so she keeps it to herself.

3. She had a very bad experience with us malaysians in the past. She seems to hate malaysians so much, some discrimination act is in full view at the office.

4. She has too much pressure at home, with kids and all so she takes it out all on us.

5. Maybe it's birth defects. Who knows.

6. She's just too busy to be nice to us all. You know how dedicated people work right. They have other priorities. Career development for instance. Climbing up the career ladder must be it since she so likes the Snoopy with the songkok and misai.

7. She has food disorder. Another wild guess that may have something to do with it, although doesn't seem likely, but who knows right.

8. She's giving us hell because she wants to toughen us all up. She believes that if we can stand her, we can stand the world. Or so.

9. She's on menopause??

10. She's older so she knows better. And is wiser too. So she's better than all of us and we should all follow her advise. She's always right.

Oh gee what am I doing here?? Didn't I tell you it wouldn't be a success? This is bull. But I score anyway because I tried.

Anyways. I'm so out of her radar. Not that I crave for her recognition. In fact I'm so glad that she doesn't. I'll be on my way out soon and quit all this shit. I'm not gaining anything with her in it.

The 'office' at its peak

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I hate IE7.

I love my Google services! To death.

Ya rabbi budak comey mana plak ni??!! Comeyyyy nyaaaaaaa...

Here and back again

Oh how I cringed at the almost familiar accent of bruneian today at the airport. And greeted by not so nice stories from Siti on one of our team member. Oh well. Life goes on. It can't get any worse than this can it now.

Okla Adda, fine. You're right. Kapal terbang takleh reverse on its own. There. Credit given. Thank you.

I'm feeling so sleep deprived I don't know why.

The first thing I did after 15 minutes arriving home was making and drinking caffeine. I'm going to be addicted to it for over a month here, take note of that.

I hate my mouse. I'd like a new one, possibly a pink one, if there is such thing. I don't really care how much it'll cost me anymore. Ok that's exaggerating. I want a new mouse.

Oh my eyes.

Right.

Solat and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

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I couldn't wait to get back home to blog this. On my way home today, somebody called me on the phone with withheld number right. So I picked it up with the formal hello, not knowing who was on the other line.

I couldn't make any word of what he was saying. But it was definitely not english or cantonese or tamil or anything malaysian or I would've known. I couldn't guess the language.

Mysterious guy: mumbo jumbo gumbo dumbo blah blah....
Yours truly: Hello? Hello??.... Hello????
Mysterious guy: .... the jumbos again....
Yours truly: Who is this? Do you speak english?

I was on the verge of hanging up but I was so keen on knowing what was going on. Was there something wrong with my ear? Or was it the guy speaking malay with such an accent it deceived me?

And then, I heard one distinct sentence.

Mysterious guy: Tu parle francais?

Wait a minute. I know what that means.

Yours truly: Errr... no I don't speak french.
*silence*
Yours truly: *thinking hard with heart pounding fast* (how do I say a little in french? how do I reply him in french?) .....
*silence continues*
Yours truly: .... (eh this weird silence is killing me)

Then I hanged up. It was so intriguing! I enjoyed it very much I feel like I'm insane... oh yeah! It's true. Seconds after all these came to me. Non, je ne parle pas francais. Je suis malaisienne. Parlez-vous anglais? C'est qui? Je ne comprend pas. Aiyak, I let my future golden riak moment pass me by.

Anyway I don't know who called me. I'm pretty sure it was some foreigner wrong dialled me up. But it sure made me giggle like a mad woman in the car all the way home.

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Somebody has made me feel really special today. He always has been whenever he's around me. But tonight is the best. He came around, and at first, had me left speechless. My emotion was all stirred up and became unrecognizable, if that's possible. Well it's been a while. It took me quite some time to realize what I had felt was love and happiness.

And to top it off, I finally had my first KFC meal since getting back from Brunei (lazatnyer mak aihh cam 10 tahun tak makan). And I finally got this:

I think the mood now suits very well with this pic. I love my brothers. They make my life 3 times memorable with them in it!

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I want to take up penpaling again. I used to have like 5 or 6 of them around the world and our correspondences stayed on like for a year or so. Some more than 2 years. The local ones, more than 3. Some more than 5.

Because of many trials and tribulations, not to mention the funny way life turns us upside down, I've lost contact with these people. Some due to my parts of not enough efforts being put in, some from their parts. For me, my penpaling activity stopped abruptly right after I started working. Many things contributed to that which I can safely say resulted in my sudden lack of life. As good as it is my life now, but yes my life was so much richer when penpals were around.

I can't imagine of a person who doesn't like receiving a letter. The stamps, the handwriting, the classic streaks of blue and red on the envelope, the fun paper they use to wite on, the token of appreciation no matter how worthless it seems - they still manage to be priceless, the idea of knowing somebody you've never met on the other side of the world has touched them and it's now in your hands tracing every line, every bumps, every scribble. You have no excuse not to respect the amount of care and time they have taken to write you.

I really really loved writing letters to my penpals. Now that I think my life is back on track, I'd love for another recreational focus to balance it with. Don't want it to be forever heavy on one side do I? What do you think of too salty nasi lemak? Not good right. So I think this is the right time to make it less salty. No wonder I feel a certain discontent sometimes. I've been eating nasi lemak masin for 2 years already!

Well I better get going. Haven't been out of bed all day. Yeap believe it.

Was surfing around and found this quote:

“Today, I marry my friend. The one I laugh with, live for, dream with, and love.”

Perfect for a wedding speech by either the groom or the bride don't you think? Perfect universal last sentence in your speech. Not for mine obviously but you know how simple sentence like that can have me up in the clouds for a second there. Hehehe.

I was thinking about my voice

Please take note: Bear in mind that I'm not being or trying to be obnoxious. Read the post at your own risk.

During our long journey home cut short by abah (heran aku tak nampak pon polis sepanjang hiway)... the said topic was on my mind. But first let me tell you, I'm a breed of a sekolah menengah kebangsaan agama.

My high school mates kept telling me I had this kind of sweet or lemah lembut sangat kind of voice - konon dangerous la kalau bercakap ngan *ehem* lelaki. It's too menggoda they say. I never knew what it meant. The first person who told me not to speak so sweetly when on the phone was abah. I was 12. He has a very gentle and subtle way of getting the message across (who could blame him - I was only a kid), I never exactly got what he meant until I was in high school.

As far as I can remember, the other person who was told the same thing about her voice was Pelut. Well, she looks and totally embraces of being graceful and ladylike and perempuanmelayuterakhir-like. Me on the other hand, I don't think I posses that kind of quality. Not in that much amount to qualify as one at least. Yet I was told to change my tone of voice or be careful when speaking up in an audience of men. Perli and kata-kata pedas did come my way but being a rebel at heart I was screaming out loud you can go to ##@#&%! I mean these people (who was using another person to get back at me - another sad true story) were telling me to do things that's so ridiculous, it really got in my nerve big time. Oh heck they're just jealous lalala. They can't make a man melt at the mere sound of their voice so being catty and all they just want to argue something stupid. Who can change the nature of themselves anyways? We come all in one package and that's all there is. What the hell is wrong with my voice anyway? Geez if you can't deal with it then you can shove all your complaint up in your ass. Period.

So you think I stayed with my rebellious ways and live happily ever after? For some part yes. But for my voice - I chose no. I'm not that big headed that I refused to think for myself. Some things they said was partly true. I mean the women should keep their voices low when talking to bukan muhrim right. Suara tu pon aurat jugak so kena la jaga. And also I didn't want to be known as mengada or gatal and the like. I listened and I evaluated. The action, though, was not taken immediately. Actually I didn't quite get it when they told me the first time. Too menggoda? How menggoda then? Too lembut? How lembut? How do I make it normal, or less lembut, or whatever so you'd stop saying things to me? The annoying part was that they couldn't pinpoint me to the direction. "Alah keras kan sket suara awak tu". Fine, keras it is.

So I began my new chapter of life with practicing new tone of voice. I was pengawas asrama then so I yelled a lot - "Lights off!", "Baju sape tu oi!", "AJK Kebajikan turun!", or changing my word emphasis when public speaking. Hey don't think I was a bully haaaa because I wasn't. I had no problems with the juniors, only the with the management. So I kept on practising even though it was hard. There was improvement but the old tone was still there. I got to the point where I decided to hell with this all. I had tried and whatever comes out of this, I'll deal with it.

Suffice to say that I had succeeded in a way because there were less people talking to me about it and then none. Maybe they had grown tired or they couldn't care less or I had truly succeeded. Hurrah.

Fast forward 8 years later. I have the keras tone with me now, mixed up with the lembut tone. I know it's not all gone because I still have the effect on people sometimes. Both good and bad.

Good's: one example - one man from insurance company calling me up was flirting with me like crazy the other day and it's not because of the insurance I can assure you.

Bad's: I get misunderstood lots of times. If the person I'm talking to is not looking at my face, some time through the conversation, by only the hint of my voice; they'd think I was mad at them/tengah perli diorang/I mean bad things. Although I don't feel that way in any way remotely possible. If they had looked at my face I was smiling and meant no harm. This is especially true on the phone.

I welcome all the boons by all means come come come. They're both flattering and a confidence booster. But the bad effects oh god help me. I'm a nice person. I don't mean anything hurtful please understand. I can be asking someone a plain routine question "Ni ape benda ni ha?" and that someone would reply me back "Eh apasal tetiba nak marah ni?". You know it's depressing to explain to them back I'm not angry or anything I was just asking blah blah blah. This is where I blame my keras voice. And because I've been doing it all these years it's difficult to change it back. I sound really kasar if I'm not careful. This is what I get from playing along with the idea of 'dangerous voice'. Aiya this is a burden.

So now, when I reached home, I've decided to get my lembut voice back. I know it's in me somewhere and I have to get it out. Lantak le whatever people want to say. It seems the keras is giving me more troubles so keras must go.

Lembut. Welcome back.

I'm back in the country

....and loving every minute of it. Oh yeah.

Ok so Adda and I went to the office for some briefing from Ganee n Syuk today. Before that, thousand apologies to Adda sebab kena tunggu sejam lebih. Sesungguhnya aku tak sengaja. Kalau bukan bulan posa aku dah belanja ko makan sushi ok bebeh walaupon aku tak makan lelehan daging-daging mentah itu sume... heheheh...

After what could have seemed like hours, we finally got out and headed for Sogo. The goal was to look out (or maybe purchase *ahem*) for a backpack for the notebook. I have the carry case but I like my hands to be free picking and vandalizing other things while walking so...

Well I got one in the end (no surprise there). Okay pick I guess. Because of the price tag only I've planned to use it for another 10 years or so. Heh! Good investment should pay you back right. No, make that a hefty investment. So I'm hoping it will pay me back. I demand it.

Oh I forgot. I was told today that a letter of confirmation will come my way soon. That's a good news. About time too since they send me to Brunei while I'm still on probation. Also I'll get a raise of RM200. A very good news.

Came back home later today stuck in the traffic. You know how it is around 5-6pm here during Ramadhan riiiiiiight. Frustrating. That and one in a lifetime experiece that took place today, only that it's more silly and memorable other than frustrating. Too bad Siti wasn't around to share it with. HAHAHAHA (boley tak aku gelak dulu???)

I mean you CAN get carried away with meaningful conversations aka gossips even with your stomach growling, begging for food and still miss your stop.

I'm seeing gold

I have to say I'm taken aback looking at the beauty of this mosque. I love it especially at night when it simply glows. Perfect lighting effects - brilliant design and architecture. Add to that luxurious choice of material. The domes are gold plated. Wait till you get inside.

The pic below was taken at dusk.

Everywhere around it you'll find loads of fountains (there's one in the ablution area). I'd like to think that it's such a cool place to hang out. Lots of shrubs with plenty of space. This one beats Masjid Negeri Shah Alam flat out on the upkeep of the place ONLY. Mentioning other aspect will leave me speechless, but not in a good way so, really.

So below are the inside pics, in the female prayer room. Look at those. You can tell they're all 24k gold plated.

I love the carpeting!

So we were at one cafe right, for buka puasa. I found this at the back of my plate while waiting the food to be ready.

Oh my goodness. I mean what is this place I'm adopting?

The day I'm having fun with pics

On one fateful day, 3 little ladies were frozen in time.

Mak Merah: *dreamily*... tak sabaqnya nak balik posa kat umah... tiba2 teringat kat bazar ramadan....

Bawang Putih: *calculating heavily* ... bonus raya + gaji - kain - tudung - excess baggage fees - bingo boutique - handbag = nak beli jugak!!! $$$

Bawang Merah: cool bebeh cool....

And in conclusion, ini blog aku... hahahahahahahahahahahh

My dearest frens have interesting characters. And I love them for that!

I think I have sleep disorder

I've been consuming caffeine like no other. And I don't even like coffee. One moment I was on the verge of falling off the chair and sleep right there on the floor, the next I was wide awake like fresh from a deep sleep.

And the food. I don't think I'm losing any weight this ramadhan. Curious.

I'll be back home this Tuesday.

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1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4
...distribution, merchandising or manufacturing - please read...

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
Table counter.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Alex & Emma.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is
11.55pm

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
11.44pm

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Aircond machine humming outside on the balcony.

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Just now for sungkai. Went to a very noisy place with people eating and talking loud to long lost friends from a couple of tables apart.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My blog.

9: What are you wearing?
Sweat pant & shirt... (sejuukkk brrr....)

10: Did you dream last night?
Slept like a baby, can't remember a thing now.

11: When did you last laugh?
I'm sure I had one recently.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
The holder for the aircond remote controller.

13: Seen anything weird lately?
Nope.

14(a): What is the last book you finished?
Hiroshima - John Hersey

14(b): What book are you currently reading?
Interview With The Vampire - Anne Rice

15: What is the last film you saw?
The Jacket - downloaded it.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A house. Save the rest.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know
I can write in straight line (horizontally that is, perpendicular to the edge of the paper mind you!) on a blank paper. I'm so very silly proud of it... heheheh

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Please let the world be at peace with each other. Where everyone can win in fair fight.

19: Do you like to dance?
Sure do. But sadly can't.

20: What is the last thing you ate or drank?
A mug of very sweet nescafe.

21(a): Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Safiya.

21(b): Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Adam.

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes.

People, please feel free take this tag and do them. Occupy your little boring insipid moment and help change the world. Then go to sleep.

Bulan Mercun Sedunia

You know out of bad things that can happen to you (e.g. hajah), some pretty neat things just popped themselves out out of nowhere.

[1] Been dining out for sungkai aka buffet aka perut kenyang tanpa keluar sesen pon aka tenkiu Cip!

[2] Oh yeah, mercun boleh didapati di tepi2 jalan di mana2 sahaja di sekitar Brunei. Walaupon aku tak besa main time kecik2 dulu, dah tua gini pon syok gak tengok Adda berlari2an membakar duit secara subtle/halus.

[3] Sini opis hour during puasa is up until 2, then we're free chickens.

[4] I'm amazed at my own ability to close one eye on whatever it is hajah is doing/talking about. Sure there'll be immediate rants and aku akan hangin satu badan, but moments afterwards I'll cool down. Hmmm... what an achievement don't you think... hahahah suka nya ati aku...

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OOOoooOOOooooohhhhh

ijaunyer.... bila nak tumbuh bunga ntah....

Help! I can't sleep. Couldn't sleep last night and had to concentrate on work the next day. Came back home feeling sleepy and was ready to hit the bed. Instead I switched on the tv and fell asleep on the couch for only like 3 hours!! What is wrong with me?

I couldn't last a day if I don't have enough sleep. Now it's like I could survive with 3 hour sleep. That's crazy.

Ok I will now force myself to sleep and have a happy dream.

Toodles!

p/s: just for the sake of letting it out, I HATE THAT PEMPUAN LOTION ITU OK (usage of terms is courtesy of toooooooot). Betapa aku benci dengan perangai talam dua mukanya itu. On why I hate her so much:

• doesn't have the guts to take the responsibilities


• is so quick on pointing fingers to others


• is the most unprofessional human being you'll ever find in this damn whole world


• fails to recognize the priorities of things


• doesn't even have the decency to admit it when she's wrong


• doesn't have respect for others, much worse if you're younger


• is the person who truly cannot function in a team


• even if she's in a team, she'll bring the team down - like what she does currently


• doesn't listen


• even if she does, she does best at neglecting her role as a pm to resolve problems diplomatically


• this list could go on but I wouldn't want to waste any more space of my precious little piece of humble and brilliant blog on her

....lalalala....

Sungkai bah

Guess what. We broke the fast at a bruneian's last night. Nice people. We on the other hand didn't bring anything as to what the manners say we should have - some kuih or anything. Yeap dengan muka tak malu nyer wehh.... Didn't really want to give them the impression we're so young and don't know how carry ourselves etc you know...

*sigh*

It's one of those adab with tuan rumah la kan. Always bring something especially the house we're going ada orang tua. Those people can tell and to be honest they're the ones you have to impress first right? Not that I'm making a big fuss out of this. Only that what mak said to us adik-beradik once still rings true: "Orang melayu ni kan kaya dengan adat2 resam. Ada cara kita. Walaupun dia kata takpe, buat susah2 je buat air - itu bunga2 bahasa orang2 tua. Kalau orang datang rumah, kena la buat air. Rai tetamu." And Islam teaches the same thing, so.

I know that doesn't fit exactly on my scenario here but you get the idea lah. You have to always know your manners regardless of what people tell you. People come to your house, kena la hidang air. You come to their house, especially to a private party, bring something la to the table.

When we were salam2 I mentioned something like "Mintak maaf la tak bawa ape2 tadi" to the host and she said it's okay. I felt so helpless because there was nothing we could do except to smile sheepishly looking at all the food she prepares herself while walking out of the house. I mean they took the trouble to cook and were kind enough to invite us to join the family, the least we could do is show up appreciative. Showing up with nothing is like "Kami mai nak makan ni. Mana nasi. Kami tak bawa apa2 sebab akak yang yang jemput makan so kami expect makanan dah ada. Takde la susah2 bawak lagi." or anything to that extend lah you get the idea.

Hmmmm....

Why do I get the feeling like I'm making a big fuss out of this??

...heheheheh.... just so you know, I was writing that piece up there smiling with occasional chuckles....

But anyway it was fun. The family was great last night. I didn't talk that much as I always don't when I'm in a large group of people. But it was so meriah and noisy as you know how a sesi makan2 will go in any kampung. And yea they were concerned that we were not accustomed to cara kampung - duduk bersila on lantai and so on... heheh... Funny how being young and dressed up from workplace get people thinking that way.

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I want this so bad.

Perfect song to slow dance to

I can only give you love that lasts forever
And a promise to be near each time you call
And the only heart I own
For you and you alone
That's all
That's all

I can only give you country walks in springtime
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall
And a love whose burning light
Will warm the winter night
That's all
That's all

There are those I am sure who have told you
They would give you the world for a toy
All I have are these arms to enfold you
And a love time can never destroy

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it's me that you'll adore
For now and evermore
That's all
That's all

If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small
Say it's me that you'll adore
For now and evermore
That's all
That's all

In conclusion: I love standards. Probably not many people know this but yes I love Sinatra and the likes. Jazz. The most versatile genre I've ever listened to.

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Sesungguhnya Brunei memangla kebosanan dan ketidakhappeningan....

Ade ke patut diorang tutup stesen minyak kul 5.30. Pastu lepas bukak pose baru diorang bukak balik... The intention is well known lah but what an inconvenience it is! Seriously.

It's not easy to find a place to dine who's open 24 hours. There are a few but not much to choose from. But food is not a problem really. Only that it cost me twice as much. Erk!

I saw my first taxi sight here recently. It's in blue color. If you got here and have no friends/relatives at all then I'd feel so sorry for you since you have to either rent a car or find a bus. Taxis are such a rarity you'd be surprised to learn how many of them even bother to exist here.... heheh...

Kaum lelaki kat sini sangat le bahagianyer since they got paid $15 for attending the tarawikh parayer at the istana. Probably duit raya in advance kot from beloved sultan. And every family here get a bunch of dates from dearest sultan also. We haven't received any. Alaa last year nyer kurma melambak lagi dok ada dalam fridge ok. Please let them be kurma yang liat tu ye or else I won't indulge so much. Ceehhhhh orang nak bagi lagi nak demand le plak....

Okla have a happy week everyone. And a blessed one.

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I've just been robbed over $100 by my subconscious unscrupulous mind earlier this evening.

In exchange of that amount of money, I got 1 sweat pants, 2 camisoles, 2 long sleeve tees and 1 (veeeeeery niiiiiiiice) white blouse. We went to the place initially for the pants but being girls and all that, one thing lead to the other and voila each of us had something in the end. I don't know about them but I'm blaming my lady-ish nature..... lalalala...

Anyway, it's not that I haven't got anything for my family. I got mak a beautiful big ceramic bowl that'll be so perfect for her. Adik-adikku, will that lame keychains do? ... hehehe... don't know what else to get. Until I figure out something/find something else better and within my budget then definitely they'll get something else. Abah, not sure yet. Contemplating between this and that. Piece of cloth definitely but still deciding. Aaaaa pening kepala aku pikir.

Over $100 on my clothes.... sheesh! How did that happen???!

* SELAMAT MENYAMBUT RAMADHAN BULAN KEBERKATAN *

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I think I wont fit in all my pants in like 5 minutes. They seem to grow smaller or it's been me who's expanding.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="400" caption="This cool place still open at wee hours of 2 and 3 am"]

[/caption]

They say a picture says a thousand words

Well I just wrote 27k words.

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Well what do you know, I did go to the dinner sort of thing. And had fun. Thanks Adda for dragging me along. And Siti for the threat.

Came home and stayed up till 3am, finishing up work and dvd watching. Came to the office the next morning all grumpy and aghast-stricken. One thing that's pretty major that I haven't talked about is the dreadful Hajah. For me, Sakiinah sounds so calm and breathtaking coz that what it means in arabic right. On the (such sad sad) contrary, it is with so much pain and regret that I have to say this: it doesn't work if you pair it up with a catty female human being.

*sigh*

One thing good I got out of this place is my new purse! Did not give much thought when I was picking at the store recently, just wanted something nice to hold and practical. At first I thought it was ott with the beads and embroidery since I'm going to take it everywhere I go right. It was glittery lah, suits me fine if I'm going to some function. But I took it anyway, the red one.

But now I'm starting to liking it alot.

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Tonight we have to go to a dinner held for TF. I don't know why people call him TF anyways. So anyway I don't feel like going. I feel kind of down in some way, maybe the hormonal changes I don't know.

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you?'re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window
If it?'s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything

My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah this is my wish

I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you and the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God's grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything

This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big

What a georgous movie!

I saw If Only last night - on dvd lah. What a movie. Staring Jennifer Love Hewitt and Paul Nicholls. I just can't resist the british accent in a romantic comedy. But it's not released in english speaking country, no wonder there was no talks about it before. It's a 2004 anyway.

But what a story it is. What a performance.

Greens

Hanya orang yang memahami kesedapan baby bayam jek yang akan mengerti sample gambar di bawah. Those who don't eat leafy green vegi, you're missing out on alot. Sekian dimaklumkan. Terima kasih.

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Kaki aku sakit wehh....

Tu la berjalan nyer pasal. Rasanya cam satu town kitorang pusing malam tu, on foot. Aku pening plak bila tengok banyak sangat building yang langsung tak familiar. Lepas satu, satu. Aku sebagai orang baru, ikut je la diorang gi mana. Pastu tak pasal2 kaki aku terpeleot time lintas jalan. Tension aku wehh... tapi takpe la. Sib baik dapat orang cam Adda + Kak Wati sebagai colleagues and penunjuk cara... heh! It's so much easier having them at my disposal. Cewah cakap macam la diorang tu orang suruhan when it's actually the opposite. No, truly, these are god given gifts and their kindness will not perish in a far away forgotten land. Cewah.

I'm sooooooo thankful I'm not one of those unfortunate Skali employees ok. Where should I begin. What should I say. Only a week here and I've heard and seen alot of things. Looking at the product they've developed, oh my goodness. All I can say is, that is a product from bad management. I'm telling you it's BAD, horrendous, horrific, out of this world punya kind BAD lah. Bad resource management. Bad technical design. I heard some of the previously posted here employees just had bad attitude, but the blame always falls on the PM lah, no question about it kan. It's just bad people management. Development process with no qa & qc involved. It's simply a very bad project management. I don't have any other word but 'bad' right now but excuse me for feeling so unbelievably impossible.

Aku mula la nak ngutuk Skali ni tapi tak baik la pulak kan. I mean not everyone in the company is useless. And it's very easy for me to critisize, I understand that getting everything back together again is a near impossible task within the time frame given. The client itself is giving such trouble everyone in the team hates her. Well, for me, you don't have to like someone to work with them. Just finish your work and always take that extra mile so you know you've given your best shot, regardless what is the outcome. Finish up your task at hand and add something extra for people after to remember you by - how good you were. Ini tak.

Previous developers simply buat keje ikut sedap, design ikut suka, UI yang ala-ala express nak kejar ape pon tak tau la. Every module had different developer. So when they all left, we got various paintings to mess up with. Kalau cantik + ikut prosedur takpe gak. We can just arrange them to be one big picture. Ini satu buat camtu, yang ni buat camni. Nak repair pon payah. Ape nak jadik pon tak tau. Layan dvd lagi bagus aaaa.... Oh by the way, sini dvd satu B$1 je. Muahahahahahahah berhantu la umah ni ngan dvd....

Can't blame all on the developers really. The thing is there was no one monitoring their work. No synchronization, no consistency between the modules. Hape punye teori, hape punye method ntah diorang pakai for this big project.

It's gonna be tough here. Ok inilah luahan hati seorang developer di tanah Borneo akibat ketidakstabilan pengurusan syarikat. Doesn't mean I'm just going to give up. Only that I'm a woman. I need to talk about things. So there you go. Like you don't know already. By the way, I don't talk about what I write in my blog in real life. Not if nobody's asking... ;) What's here stays here usually.

Ok la. Back to work.

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Ok now I'm officially blogging from Brunei.

Touched down yesterday at Brunei International Airport. Slept the whole time inside the plane. Ngantuk aaaa... packing sampai kul 3 pagi. Last minute nyer packing besa la. Sedar-sedar dah sampai...

I'm staying at an apartment SKALI is renting. Spacious, tapi tak terjaga. Habuk sana habuk sini. Empty fridge. Carpet tak penah vacuum kot....hehehe... but I shouldn't say much since it's going to be my sanctuary for a month. Right now only 3 people is living there, including me. Quite a nice place to live I must say. Peaceful surrounding, away from the city. Transport la ada masalah sket. But I think they're renting cars, but I don't know that yet.

So today not much to do. Only that browsing around and a few things to get a grip on. Other than that, I'm so worried about food. The people I'm living with don't believe in supper or late dinner like I do....heheheheh... Like semalam, lepas makan around 7, terus Abg Faka hantar Adda and me ke rumah. Lepas unpack, around 10 dah start rasa lapar balik. Aiyak! Camana tu? This morning ada pening2 lagi. Don't know why la. It's not supposed to be like that right. Bukannyer tido lambat ke ape ke semalam. I think it's normal lah for people if you've just spent a day or two far away from home. I'm going to get used to it I know but the process is just troublesome.

More on this later lah.

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By this time next week, I'll probably be in Brunei. What a boring place to be I think. Nevertheless for someone who's never been out of the country then maybe it'll mean something. I'll miss mom's cooking terribly. And I mean it.

Ganee says I have to be there at least for a month. If we can finish things up earlier then I can come back earlier. But I doubt it very much. I sense something is wrong there. We already got a person there but for some reason they're sending me over for I'm not sure what yet. They keep on insisting to give some assistance. I wonder how much of an assistance I can offer with my limited knowledge of the project.

Speaking of project, Ganee is very happy with one of mine here together with Jess. Yea it has been such a happy week for me. He's happy that one potential client is interested in the product we developed. I have to belanja Jess some time soon since she's a great colleague! Since I'm going to Brunei, so Jess might take over the thing and customize it further for the client.

You know, so many good things has happened to me lately I should be warned of something bad. Brunei might be it but I'm hoping it's not. You can't be on top forever right. There'll be times when you just fall and fall and feel like nothing can ever make it right again. But just when you're at your lowest point in your life, something or somebody suddenly turns up and that changes everything.

I just hope that when I fall again, my family and friends would be there to support me all the way. That's all I'm asking. The rest, I know I'm blessed with everything I have so no complaint there.

Let's see, what will I miss the most: nasi ayam mak, laksa penang, asam pedas mak, bihun goreng mak, kuey teow goreng mak, kari ketam mak, nasi lemak mak, kari daging mak,...... aiyak! Sume jenis makanan yang ada perkataan 'mak' di belakang la senang citer.... hahaha.... Oh yea, where got teh tarik and roti canai over there ah... isk isk isk....

So long people. Next time I blog, it'll probably be while waiting for the plane to arrive/depart or in some Brunei apartment OR maybe they cancel it and I'll still be here and I wont be missing good food that much.

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So....

My birthday concluded in a post:

Oops but before that,

I was stuck in traffic for FOUR DAMN HOURS for some stupid reason. Yea all the commuters on on Persiaran Kewajipan stretch last Friday night, say it altogether now - 'for some stupid reason'! The traffic lights were not working and it took them 4 hours to get it fixed. To make it all worse, no traffic police was in sight. For 4 damn hours. Yes people I've said it and I'll say it again - for some stupid reason. I reached home at 12.30am. Can you imagine that. Can you imagine how much torture did I have to go through to get to my comfy bed. On empty stomach may I add. I was on the verge of switching on my notebook and did my work while waiting the cars to move. I was that crazy. Just imagine the pain people. And multiply that with the numbers of cars that night. Aaaaargghhhh!!!!!

Oh my goodness I'm getting that out of my system right now.

* deep deep breaths *

Ok.

So... the birthday post again:

It was so good that it fell on a Saturday! O yeah, a good sign already. Woke up late to a very bright and cheerful morning. Found out Ammar was missing and the front door was wide open. Was very confused as to what could've been happening. Checked the kitchen out, was in order. I didn't know what was wrong with me but I decided to get back to bed...hmmm... I was so convinced that everything was okay. Ammar was somewhere in the house and I just couldn't find him. When the senses kicked back in, I realized that his door was closed. Ah so he's inside. Not to take any chances, I peered in and yeah he was there reading something. So back to bed I went with a couple of made up explanations (hehe) on the front door. Couldn't be bothered to close it. Hey I was on high spirit lah don't blame me.

I didn't go to sleep immediately so I decided to watch Shrek 2. And Last Samurai followed with Ammar joining in. Abah's message came in from Penang to wish me happy birthday, to which I was beaming with joy. But he's not the first wish though but that doesn't matter really. Anyway, I told Ammar we were going to catch a movie so at 12 noon we were off to Bukit Raja. While queuing for the tickets, snapped a pic to send to Otel...hahahaha... just to make him feel like he was there, sort of... I'm a kejam sister hahahaha. When we were dining in at Nando's a pic again was snapped and sent. Saje je ngusik. That's the way we are but that doesn't mean we do that to hurt anyone's feelings. The best thing is we always know what exactly we mean even with a subtle body language. I mean it's like you have your own way to communicate with your brothers, especially when you want to keep something from the parental unit..... hehehe.... Siblings do that don't we all?

And after the movie, which was lousy (I was half asleep most of the time), I went shopping (fuyoo that sounds like I got a lot of money....hahaha... well for a moment here let's just pretend la haaa... it was my birthday). It seems so unreal to me since the last time I got myself a nice piece of clothing was months ago. And I got myself a new purse. Current one is too battered to keep everything together. I should get myself a handbag but my senses worked me out of it. A new pair of shoes but my head stopped me.

Spent the rest of the afternoon picking t-shirts for the boys, abah's included. Baju raya la kiranya, 2 pieces per person. They're not that branded or anything. I picked the ones that I like to look at and thought they would feel comfortable in it. I couldn't afford this previously so this really makes me feel like I'm responsible, well in a way that is. Like I mean something and do my part as family.

Mak je belum beli pape lagi. But she's mentioned a pair of Modernmom shoes... hmmm... mahal wehh... tapi I've never bought her anything that expensive yet so I'm smiling right now. I can make my family happy at the very least, that's what important. I know I can't spend this much often (I can't live like that to be honest) but it feels good.

Back home, we stuff ourselves with McD. Tak larat la nak masak. Too tired. So Ammar and I makan-makan and talked and joked while me sorting out the goodies. Afterwards Ammar went to his pc routine. I stayed glued on tv.

This is probably the most meaningful birthday I've ever had. Thanks for the warm wishes people. I really appreciate it.

I love arabic language

I've left out one more radio station - Ikim.fm! Not a big nasyid lover but I grew up listening to them and knew every song there was. They were not too big then but I believe it's them who had the most influence on me and shape me, in a way, the way that I am today. Even now if I listen to any nasyid song, I would recognize it instantly if it's an old song. And I always find that they sound better with real percusion, not with all these modern days musical instruments. You know how people love to make the old song sounds new to blend in the now or so they say.

The one thing that I love the most about Ikim is they speak arabic in some of their shows. Although I don't understand them most of the time but I can still get what they're trying to say. It's the arabic classes I had for 9 years! You don't forget the language that easily especially when you were good at it. I'm not saying that I was soooo good at it and soooo fluent I could pass as an arabic native, but I was good for at least at a high school level where the standard bar is set. It's not that high I can assure you. You know how language class is like in high schools.....

Yeah I love it that they use arabic as a medium on the radio. My arabic is as rusty as a bad bad rusted iron can be but what the hell right.... it's for my listening pleasure.

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You know when I was younger (macamlah skang ni tua sangat pon...heh!), I used to listen to Hitz.fm and thought Mix fm was for the adults and Light & Easy was for the elders.... I thought I'd stick with Hitz.

But when I started working, I listened to Mix on my way to work. Somehow I found Hitz was to childish to my liking. And recently I've started to listen to L&E on my way back home. Hmmm... I am an elder then, considering my categories that is.

The thing is I like listening to Kevin Francis's voice over the radio. I noticed that he read news or weather report or something that was played on across english speaking radio stations. The other guy I noticed is Faisal Merican. He read news, still does. But he's not a radio announcer I guess. I don't know. Maybe he is but I don't listen to his radio... lalala...

Back to L&E, I love the songs playing there. They're calming and easy to listen to. I switch to Hitz and Mix once in awhile, especially during the morning drives. Yeah it's got to be those crazy crews or cynical but very malaysian Richard & Syazmin. You know the game they have, where you have to let the other person say the word you're not allowed to say but only describe it? L&E has it too but I find it too skema ok. Siap ada timing lagi. Kalau abis 15sec then it's over. Alahai skema the very. Where's the fun la pepel.

And another they have is a game where you answer a question and you get RM50. Then if you decide to proceed and answer the next question correctly then the prize is doubled - RM100. If you still choose to proceed the same thing happens up until RM400 (I think) - that's 4 questions. The catch is if you get it wrong then the money is all gone. You get the idea lah. The only thing that I don't like the most about it is the questions. RM50 question can be like 'Who sings the song: put-any-60s-or-70s-song's-title-you've-never-heard-for-the-life-of-you-here?' Or 'What was the name of some jet that landed on the moon in some-odd-year-here?' and believe me when the caller guessed Apollo he was wrong. So very skema and unfun the Light Breakfast. I like the Light Meltdown! Kevin and the soft songs.... feels good when you're driving alone at night.

On another note, I saw baby Ain last Sunday. Her uncle had a small wedding reception held at his family's house and I got to see Ain!!!! A long overdue meeting I must say. The other I'm so anxious to see is baby Naufal. Saw the pic and he looks so much like his mom.... alaa comey comey kuit miut gitu.... Ain looks like her mom. And Am nampak kurus plak. Pakai jamu ape la nie.....

I should be getting back to work. Look at the hour! I should be on my bed dreaming about eating kfc by now. Alas.

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The other day I went to former workplace to pick up some things. So at this hour where I can't think of better words to say after a hard day squeezing juice out of my brain, I'm just thinking of immortalizing them in my blog. So in no particular order:

Linda
Greatest mentor in whole world, a dependable + caring person. Hold the bucket when I threw up once in the pantry - prior to being admitted to Pantai the minutes after.

Nisa
Cleopatra eyes and bee stung lips. Friendly. Was with me on the way to Pantai. And stayed there till my mom arrived.

Husna
A people person, resourceful + damn helpful you wouldn't believe it. Helped mom figure out menu while I was half concious from the morphine.

Kak Izan
Good and considerate leader. Never has a problem with sharing her knowledge on stuff. Real easy to work with.

En. Suhaimi
I have no words for this man. All his advice and guidance are PRICELESS. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone that measures up to him. Great boss. He's the first person who found me unconcious and the one who managed my admission to Pantai.

Ok I'm sleepy.

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I got back home around 1.30am last night. All due to work of course. And I was home starving. Malik and I were working at the client's place since Monday. On the first day we had pizza ordered in for us. But on the second and the third, we got only lunch and no dinner. I don't know about Malik but I think he was okay with no dinner. But maybe unlike him, I need food constantly. *sigh*

So back to last night's story. I reached home at 1.30 right. And I could've gone to bed straight away but Malik said Ganee was ok if we turn up late in the morning. So I decided to cook and eat something and turn up late for work. So to all my neighbours, sori la kalau bunyi kelentang kelentung dan bau-bauan enak di tengah2 kesunyian dinihari. Sesungguhnya aku amatla lapar. It was a quick affair since I didn't make anything complicated. By 2 I was in front of tv. I put Cold Mountain on and started my feast. Ok now since I was feeling like I could eat the whole cow, it took me an hour to finish my meal. Just imagine the amount of food yea. But since I am a slow eater so maybe not that eye popping amount but alot more than I usually have lah.

I took my comforter out and arranged the pillows on the carpet in front of the tv. Fell asleep right then and there, couldn't be bothered to get to my room.

I did turn up late today at work. But surprisingly I was so damn sleepy still. Boleh terlelap plak 4, 5 kali. I'm sure people were noticing. Haiya, not a good impression no? I couldn't help it really. Don't know why it happened. Malik sure punyer report je kat Ganee. Hallamak. Best buddies tuuuu.... ntah aper dia dah repot kat Ganee tu pon tak tau la.

Haiya. Bad publicity.

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I've got something to say about my new boss - either he's sangat kejam or just test-test power jek. In 2 weeks I've already got 3 things to do. It's insane. A presentation on css is one of them, it came out of the blue while we were having lunch! Aiya how I regret saying about tables to Ika within their hearing distance. Got to prepare slides some more!!! What la. Never again will I talk anything so carelessly in front of him. Hah!

Ever since I got in here, there have been a number of creeeeepily suspicious exchange of looks between these people. Hmmm.... they got something up their sleeve ler. They got this hall of fame - people who has left. Ika told me every girl there has cried at least once, thanks to denied leaves and continuous late hours. But she said it with a smile, not with hatred or anything. They sometimes asked me how I feel about this and that... do I know anything on this or this... and everything along that line. I got warier when the boss told them not to say anything, again with a smile.

I don't know what they expect of me lah. Ape sebenarnyer yang sedang berlaku ni. From where I'm sitting, he's only testing my attitude and patience. If there's udang sebalik batu then I'm yet to find out.

Being the new girl is tough. The other day bos tanya do you like to travel? Tak pasal2 tanya padahal orang lain pon ada keliling meja. Mesti diorang ada pape ni, saje sorok.

Week 2

Ever since I left my glasses on my dressing table all alone, I've had people noticing my eyes - my eyelashes in particular. Feels good when changes work in your favor. Thank goodness I've made the right decisions so far. Not that I'm bragging or anything, it's just that I had been quite on an emotional ride for the past year - be it work or personal. I could feel my body giving up on me sometimes. And my mind would just not work when I needed it the most. A little change is all I need.

Anyway, no more tuition classes from this week on. I figured I wouldn't be able to take the extra load that comes with the new job. I think the kids will be alright, they're a bunch of smart and hardworking young people. I'm not that worried. They'll be alright. I'm gonna miss teaching and being amused at their innocent way of reasoning.

It's sad to leave something that I enjoyed doing but to tell you the truth, I am happier. I feel more confident, I am more sensitive to my needs, I am livelier than I've ever been and also I feel a leeeeettle bit sexier. You'll never know what a career can do to a woman. I've never imagined to be at where I am now. Still I have so much plan for myself I don't think I can do it all. There's so much I want to do but then again, one can only plan. What a short life span we humans have!

At this stage of my life, I'm thankful for the person that I am, for the family that I have, for the friends (I have a small circle of them) who care, for the miraculous helps that seems like coming out of nowhere and for this blog, for without it I'd be like a lost puppy. Now I really wish I had a boyfriend so I could mention about him here but looks like that's not going to happen soon. Hmmm.... well that's a start.

Off topic, this is the song Keith Urban serenaded his wife at their wedding...

. The lyrics made me smile the first time I heard it over the radio.

Making Memories of Us

I'm gonna be here for you baby, I'll be a man of my word
Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard
I want to sleep with you forever, and I want to die in your arms
In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I want to honor your mother, and I want to learn from your pa
And I want to steal your attention like a bad outlaw
And I want to stand out in a crowd for you, a man among men
I want to make your world better than it's ever been

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

We'll follow the rainbow
Wherever the four winds blow
And there'll be a new day
Comin' your way

I'm gonna be here for you from now on, this you'll know somehow
You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now
And I'm gonna make you this promise
If there's life after this
I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm wet kiss

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you
And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I really love his lyrics. Here's another one - just a snippet.

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
Be the hand that lifts your veil
Be the moon that moves your tides
The sun comin' up in your eyes
Be the wheel that never rusts
Be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreamin' of and more
I wanna be your everything

And another.

We all have our days when nothing goes as planned
Not a soul in the world seems to understand
And for someone to talk to, you'd give anything
Well go on and cry out loud 'cause someone's listenin'

Call it an angel
Call it a muse
And call it karma that you've got comin' to you
What's the difference
What's it in a name
What matters most is never ever losin' faith
'Cause it's gonna be alright
You're not alone tonight

The Dictionary's latest definations

Got this from Husna. I couldn't resist... made up my otherwise would be dull Friday afternoon....

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accident all falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

And my personal favorite -
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

I'm amazed at how true these are....hahaha!

First week

Well it's not a complete week yet but I find myself liking this place. The desks are not too neat, not too miserable so I guess I can take it.

The only concern here is the parking tickets....aiyak! It costs me RM100++ per month. That much money on small piece of paper just to get a piece of mind! On my first day I got another ticket from the majlis people - RM30 fine for not paying the fee.... isk!

All in all, I'm currently happy at where I am.

My muffins adventure

Made these for the farewell party, each for everyone. It's blackcurrent. Glad that they all liked it.

The finished product actually had fancy and colorful icing on top but I didn't take the pic as I was in a hurry.

I breathe in smoke every day here. Apparently there's some fire going on in the woods and I hate it when this happens. Some irresponsible people just burn everything to make way for their plantation and now look what has happened! When it gets dark it gets worse. I have headache practically every hour.... The authority hasn't done anything. Or maybe they have but the outcome has yet to be seen. Help! We're choking to death here.....

And the haze oh my. It's just too bad.

I'm going to close all the window, switch on the air cond, bury myself under the duvet and have a good night sleep!

Tagged

Tenkiu Am for providing me an excuse to not being productive today. Gotta love you for that...muah muaahhhh!

1. What color are your kitchen plates?
Off white. They're not mine, more like my mom's. All of them.

2. What book are you reading now?
The Bourne Identity - Robert Ludlum.

3. What's on your mouse pad?
The Mouse.

4. What is your favorite board game?
Sayyidina.

5. Favorite magazine?
Cleo - not really a favorite but I can't find anything to let my eyes feast on.

6. Favorite smell?
KFC from afar when I'm hugry. Oh my goodness!

7. Least favorite smell?
Smoke.

8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up this morning?
"Nak pakai baju aper ni.... Baju aper yang tak payah iron ekkkkk...."

9. Favorite color?
Don't really have any.

10. Least favorite color?
Black.

11. How many rings before you answer the phone?
5.

12. Future child's name?
Adam.

13. What is most important in life?
Experience.

14. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla definitely!

15. Do you like to drive fast?
No.

16. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
No.

17. Storm, cool or scary?
Storm.

18. What type was your first car?
It's one of those locally assembled.

19. If you could meet one person dead or alive?
Nabi.

20. Favorite Alcoholic Drink?
Sorry I don't drink.

21. What's your sign and birthday?
Virgo, August 26th.

22. Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Of course!

23. If you could have any job, what would it be?
Brilliant and highly paid web application developer.

24. If you could have any color hair, what would it be?
Dark chocolate brown.

25. Have you ever been in love?
Yes.

26. Is the glass half full or half empty?
Half full.

27. Favorite movie?
Walk The Line.

28. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
Yes.

29. What's under your bed?
Dust. Soon will form into a very fluffy rabbit lookalike.

30. What's your favorite number?
9.

31. Favorite sport to watch?
I don't watch sport.

32. What is your biggest single fear?
Losing my job.

33. Say one nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Is a very very welcoming person.

34. Current favorite track?
Michael Buble's Home.

35. Current addiction?
KFC.

Untitled

I'm counting the days.

It's so unnerving. I have no idea what the boss and the colleagues will be like. I don't think the people here is going to approve my leave application. Isk! I find them to be more pushing as I'm nearing the last day here. I'm so worried if I don't have enough time to prepare myself for the new job. They sure won't let me go easy here. I've been asked to build 2 new modules, produce reports and complete the documentation. Do you think another week is enough to do all that? Documentation only will take more than 1 week. I had planned to document it all but I'm told that the priority is the modules and reports. Riiiight... If there is no documentation then how in the world the new staff coming in will take over the system? No one else know the system procedures and flows as well as I do.

Yesterday, I was asked to redo the flowcharts - one of the most important thing. Thank goodness that they've realized it now.

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You know this may sound insignificant to you, but I had spent my weekend without doing any office work at home! I stayed up late but all for the cause of reliving my VCD heaven wee hours back in uni. I'm a movie mania, back then I knew everything there was about any movie. Not anymore lah, now that clear pictures don't come in RM5 anymore and the fact that I'm broke every other month...bla bla... I can't afford Speedy's. Get me a rich husband and I'll buy you all one. Ha ha.

Anywayzzz, Muaz is back home bercuti-cuti malaysia. And Otel is going back. I haven't taken pictures lately. I'm so malas these days... my productivity is tumbling down the cliff at work. Hey don't blame me, I'm not the only one.... *cough* I shouldn't say this but... *cough* *cough*.... the HR has apparently overlooked our salary range *cough*..... and the GM seems to have just realized it (what??!!) and is preparing the proposal of an increment (and how long exactly would that take?).... yea ermmm *cough*.... okay you don't hear this from me.

On another note, how would you feel if your ex wants to get back to you? In my case, I can't even see him let alone getting back together. I mean are you nuts? It took me like a year or so to get my life back on track. Why would I be with someone who doesn't keep his promises? Who left me alone to deal everything with my family? Who didn't give me a chance to make things better? Why would I? Tell me. Why would I put myself in a likely position just to get hurt again in the end? It's a suicide don't you think? Well, unless he's changed but that's not my business really.

I think he's broken up with someone recently, this is just a wild guess from his words. I don't know. We don't talk that often, just messaging, on a very rare occasions. It's a way of me forgiving people so I don't have that hatred feelings towards him. What he wants to do with his life is his choice alone and I don't want to be any part of it. Maybe I can be "friends" with him (like he has suggested), maybe not. I try to but it's been difficult. I guess it depends on how you see it. For me, personally, getting hurt that bad, I don't think we could ever be on best friends terms again, no matter how close we were last time. Me and Bad are now more like acquaintances. Don't get me wrong, I'll offer him help if he needs any and I won't expect anything in return. It's like we acknowledge each other's existence but not more than that, well from my point of view at least. Sad, isn't it? When we were so in love once. Maybe we had something together but that's something in the past now. It could've been better but he gave up on me. Too bad.

On a happier note, I woke up this morning feeling like a whole new person. I'm going to start a new job soon. I'm ditching my glasses for contact lenses after 15 years hiding behind it. This is truly a life turning point for me. The glass is half full. I'm going to pursue my dreams. Now if only there's someone to share this with..... Berangan beb jangan tak berangan... heh!

At the moment I'm so lucky to have this and a whole lot from this. Hehehhehehe... Oi buat keje oiii!

Good lyrics have done it again. Have obviously never noticed it before. So what if Boyzone sings it. I'm so mellowed, that's what matters here... lalalala....

I like the feel of your name on my lips
And I like the sound of your sweet gentle kiss
The way that your fingers run through my hair
And how your scent lingers even when you're not there

And I like the way your eyes dance when you laugh
And how you enjoy your two-hour bath
And how you've convinced me to dance in the rain
With everyone watching like we were insane

But I love the way you love me
Strong and wild, slow and easy
Heart and soul so completely
I love the way you love me

And I like the sound of old R&B
And you roll your eyes when I'm slightly off key
And I like the innocent way that you cry
At sappy old movies you've seen thousands of times

And I could list a million things
I love to like about you
But they could all come down to one reason
I could never live without you

Untitled

Ok so I've submitted my resignation letter today to the HR with one month notice. I've got 13 days worth of leaves and I don't think I could use them all. Keje banyak. So maybe a 9 will do but still they're still not sure. Have to wait till the big boss comes back from UK to decide.

Anyways, I've been forwarding emails to friends. Hehehehe... bukan sikit. Those are the ones I received from as early as January - from one man. I don't forward virus so don't worry aaa people. Those are all checked to be pure forwards and email yang berisi... and safe, if I could put it that way. Heh. I've been forwarding since 2.30pm and I'm still halfway through. That's alot of forwards people.....

And I only forward them to people who I consider okay with it. Not to discriminate, because I'm not, but I find people react differently on this matter. So, only the heavy internet users gets my vote. And the people who I know okay with forwards. And only those with yahoo or gmail account. Hotmail is soooooo not cool.

Resigning Dilemma

I didn't know resigning would create such a stir here. Thought they would just let me go. But the opposite is happening here. Aku pening. According to plan, I'd submit the letter today but they purposely talk their sweet way into my already made up mind. The unthinkable has happened: I'm having second thought.

Kesian plak kat big boss sampai kata to give him a chance to correct things. But the period is too long lah 3 months. 2nd boss plak kata the place I'm going is not right for me. Membara gak bila dia kata camtu sebab he just came in like in February. Doesn't know me that well yet don't you think? Kak Izan satu lagi. Tu la orang kata lembut seorang wanita tu tak bererti lemah. Lembut2 pon power alahai aku pon terlentok, kepala pon bertambah pening. Pikir banyak2 aku tido terus.

Camana ni haa? You know one thing good with this is that big boss is now suddenly aware of the issues that has been forever in talks among us. It's just that nobody has really come up to him and said: "Boss, we're having this and this issue. Please look into the matter immediately coz you're losing some of your quality staff." Or maybe someone has but he was waiting for the right time to act on it. Unfortunately the job offer came sooner than his plans so....

I've been called in like to 3 sessions, separately, on the resigning issue - not including session with the HR yet. Honestly, I'm impressed. Now I know what my worth is in here.... but sadly I'm not proportionally rewarded. Hence the inevitable.

I'm going to lunch and eat and eat and eat.

Untitled

I had planned to do some work last night. But instead I fell asleep and there went my unfinished work. Isk! I can't even take a nap these days or it'll turn into a whole night slumber. Am I that tired at the end of every day?

We'll be having a UAT tomorrow and now I'm in real trouble.

On a different topic, I've developed some fondness for Kenzo Flower. I've learned my lesson with Lolita Lempicka so I only use it only once in a while, only when I'm out with friends and family. The rest of the days are filled with Burberry Baby Touch. I'm an EDP person and since Baby Touch doesn't come with one so I'm on the look out for another fragrance that goes easy with the notes, like kids fragrances. I'm wondering how Bvlgari Petit Et Mamans smells.... been eyeing that one for such a long time... but alas it doesn't come in EDP. I have to spritz lotsa lotsa spritz every morning to get the intensity one of EDP has.

I spritzed Kenzo once and I instantly liked it. But then I don't want something that most people has already been using. If you want something to be yours, would you want it to be so ubiquitous? Not the way for me.

Song I like

Home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home

May be surrounded by a million people
I still feel all alone
Just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two "I'm fine baby, how are you?"
I would send them but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I got to go home

Let me go home
I'm just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
This was not your dream
But you've always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In either Paris or Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I'm surrounded by a million people
I still feel alone
Let me go home
Oh I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby I'm done
I gotta go home

Let me go home
It'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

Untitled

I've been offered a job. But the workload, I imagine it to be seriously heavy. Mak + abah wouldn't approve, I think. Since I'm a girl and all.

But what an opportunity it is to let it slip from you.

The challenges ahead if I took up the offer:
1. Jauhnyer mak aiiii.... minyak + tol + maintenance + parking tickets + etc = $$$$$..... But then again, it's been like that since we've moved to TPG.
2. Late working hours. Especially during critical project period. And I mean very late. Personally, I don't have any qualms. Parental units la might disagree.
3. Will be working in a male dominated workplace. Yea I saw the place when I went to the interview. I saw only 2 females there. But that's only the occupants on the 1st floor. Dunno about the rest.
4. New colleagues who may or may not turn out to be the best colleagues eva! If it's the former, yay! If it's the later, errggh! Have to deal with them anyway. Intelligently I mean.

Have asked for Husna's assistance in writing resignation letter, just in case. I know crap in that department so a little help is a big help. And the leave things, she's got the experience so she's all I need right now.

Since I've mentioned Husna, I'm telling you she's the most warm and kindhearted person you'll ever meet in this world. I haven't forgotten the role she played when I was admitted to Pantai. I just don't forget that kind of things. It should be made a rule or something, that kindness should not be forgotten. And that it should stay with you forever so that you don't take things for granted, and you appreciate your loved ones more. People should learn to appreciate more of their life. How many times do you say thank you to strangers? I mean like do you say thanks to the toll gate girls who hand out your change? Or pakcik guard yang jaga gate kondo? Or people who hold the doors for you? Or who help to pick up coins for you when you hands are so full with shopping goodies?

I believe if you say thanks to someone, you better mean it or else it would just be a waste of your energy, really.

Membebel plak kat sini...ehehhehheh.... yea well, I'm a person who remember good deeds people do for me. No matter how small. I still remember back in school, there's a boy who helped me to get rid of a crazy dog on my way to musolla. It was like 5.30am, I think. The dog was barking mad at me. I still don't know who that boy is, now obviously has grown to a man. But yah, I remember.

Anyway, I'd like to just be grateful to Ken, even though he doesn't know this blog exists (and I seriously don't wish him to) for making me to take that step. For that, I've landed on this job offer. And may I remind you mischievous-and-quick-to-come-to-conclusion people, there's nothing wrong with being close to the opposite sex by staying friends ok.

Aiya my back is killing me. Gotta to get back to work. I just spent an hour for this post. Heh. How typical.

The job thing, I'm still thinking hard about it. Should I or should I not.