Tuesday, August 31, 2004


I'm not in the mood for merdeka actually. I'm proud to be malaysian but today I'm feeling down.

Oh yes, a kind friend was being very kind yesterday...heheh... Thank you Is! Wait for another list lah then you'll see they're not all jiwang.

I'm at my workplace now actually. Just taking a little time to say I'm not feeling well. Done some readings just now and I'm going to do some more.

I'm out.


Saturday, August 28, 2004

Happy Thoughts

I feel so blessed - having great feamily and great friends. Mother got me a new pair of cloths. Ammar gave me little cactus - not good for feng shui (heh!) but I appreciate it nonetheless (he's my brother). Otel is going to get me a thumbdrive!!! I can't stop smiling...

Kak Iti's first ever nephew was born on my birthday at 5.30pm! So now she's officially an aunt... ngeeeeeee....

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Forbidden Love by Norma Khouri

Look at what I've just discovered! I read a post in a BookCrossing forum the other day about this non-fiction book was in fact a fiction, resulting her book withdrawn from sale. The publisher recommends bookstores to do the same and has refused to publish the sequel. I read in local newspaper yesterday saying the same thing. Norma lived in Chicago when she was 3! Not in Jordan!! And there was no Dalia.

From back cover:

"Author Norma Khouri and her friend Dalia were like sisters. Since the age of three they were inseparable, sharing in all the childhood joys that a modern, middle-class life in Amman, Jordan, had to offer. By all appearances, they seemed very much alike: Like most Arabs daughters they lived under the jurisdiction of their male brethren, and each was expected to enter a marriage based on family honor - not love. But Norma's family was Christian, Dalia's was Muslim, and each of the girls was bound to age-old religious customs and traditions that would someday tear them apart.

Dalia is twenty-five when she falls in love with Michael, a Catholic. Their relationship is more than just a crime in the name of Islam: It is grounds for an "honor killing", a practice that remains legal in Jordan today. Still, Dalia would have sacrificed everything - her relations, her beliefs, even her homeland - to be with Michael... until Dalia's family finds out about her haraam, or forbiden love.

NORMA KHOURI is a poet and author of short fiction. As a result of the events recounted in Honor Lost, she was forced to leave Jordan. She lives in Australia."

I have the book here with me actually - part of a bookring by fellow bookcrosser, but haven't read it yet. I'm a non-fiction lover. It's frustrating to learn this new discovery done by an Australian press. It was made public like a month ago. AARRGGGHHHH!!!

I've read some articles on this. Her lawyer said that she's compiled crucial evidence to prove she did live in Jordan between 1973 and 2000. But everyone is somehow conviced that she didn't based on 18-month investigation by the press.

I'm going to just quote from here:

The following comment comes from a young, Jordanian Christian woman, so I hope it will be regarded as useful insight.

I have not personally read Khouri's book, I know people who have (Jordanian women) and who were shocked by the exaggeration it holds. Anyhow, the author can write whatever she wants to, as long as she does not attempt to convince people of a lie. The lie is not about "crimes of honour" which do exist not only in Jordan but sadly in a lot of countries. The lie is that Khouri only lived in Jordan until she was three, that is when she emigrated with her family to the USA. The whole story is a fabrication, and this was revealed by the Australian Sydney Morning Herald, in collaboration with a Jordanian NGO, which by the way is fighting against the so-called crimes of honour. Please take some time to know the full truth, check the Jordan Times newspaper online, or the Sydney Morning Herald.

Things are not perfect in Jordan, nor anywhere, but I am proud to be a Jordanian woman, conservative but not oppressed. If Khouri's aim is to advocate women's rights, it would not have been through a scandalous and profit-oriented manner, but rather through political and social activism.

Tania Haddad

Amman - Jordan

I agree with Tania.

-some links for info-

Random House Australia | Middle East Information Center | The Daily Star | ABC Online | Absolute Write | Religion News Blog

** The book is also sold under the title Honor Lost

Little Online Birthday Bash - heh!


Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to me

Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Happy birthday to me!


Not planning on major celebrations or anything though... Time for self-reflection. Hmmmm... do I blog too often??

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Nak makan KFC!!!

Ntah dari mana gian datang tetiba nih. Ngabihkan duit jer pasni! Aper kena ntah. Member nak belanja. Ok gak...save duit... hahahahahahaa...

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Taking a break from work

Visited Friendster just now. I'm just so amazed at the number of friends some people have. Memory lane visited as well. Couldn't help smiling reading everyone's testimonials on each other.

Ooh! Will be going out with a friend this evening. Will keep it casual and fun for both of us.

Managed to spend the entire morning in Kak Izan's room discussing GIS setup. The more I get to it and understand it, the more I find it interesting. Open GIS is not that common here in the Malaysia but I'd like it to be. Cuts down the cost and is effective at the same time. Wonder the GM would agree to the company's proposal that was presented yesterday?? Microsoft is already rich so why add up some more to their already full bank vaults?

Back to work. I'm out.

Monday, August 23, 2004

And again I wish it was Sunday I woke up to

Went to bed really late last night. Had to have this important conversation with a good friend. In short I only slept for 2 hours. I feel like my eyes are going to pop out already. Thought I'd be late for work but arrived just in time (it's a wonder). Very light traffic, truly I don't know how that happened.

Last Saturday night was a good night for me. My former classmate had a wedding and quite a number of former classmates turned up there. I hadn't seen those people like in 5 years, how different they were then. The bride for example looked georgous herself. Almost everyone couldn't believe their eyes when the pair walked into the hall. Some of the guys even talked about how regretful they were not realizing the beauty sooner and making effort to win her heart when they had the chance (haha!) - too late guys. The handsome doctor has snatched her first!

There were some good friends of mine there as well. Learned so much of their lives and what's-going-on. Most of them have just started working or are going to finish studies by the end of the year. Listened to a shocking confession as well from a very good friend on the way home. I believe everything happens for a reason. To this person, I believe your time will come and then you'll see everything will fall into places. Life is full of simple pleasure. I think someday your happiness will present itself at the time you least expected. You're such a wonderful person lah, life should treat you good! Best wishes.

I got back home at nearly 2am that night and mother was worried sick... heheh... didn't mean that to happen. I thought Ammar had told her I was still with friends. Oh well, things happen.

During the wedding also, there were questions like "Ko bila lagi?" and the like bombarded to each other. And everyone would say "Lama lagiiiii...". At this age, marriage's when's and who's (is that english?) come out quite often. And there were these certain people kept asking me whether I have a boyfriend of not. I'd simply say no but they wouldn't believe me. It's quite complicated. Technically I have a boyfriend but when it comes to feelings, I don't know where I stand. I don't feel wanted. I don't feel desired. I don't feel appreciated. I've been feeling like this since early of the year. The distance and busy work schedules really taking its toll on us.

I am tired. This is sad. Why didn't I tell him it's over?? Like I said - it's complicated. Don't ask.

Friday, August 20, 2004

friday morning

Have some thoughts on my mind about something that need to be expressed but I think I'll do it later/tomorrow/next week/etc. At the moment I'm feeling a little bit guilty and a little bit upset. Also a little bit hopeless. And a whole of stressed out. Never mind. Wanna have a look at my desktop??

When it's dreaming I'm taking it back home with me:

...with a bin full of trash....

During the World War III:

When they look at it, colleagues ask me questions like "Is it Linux??" etc - hmmm.... is it Linux??? muaahahahahahaa

I love my WinAmp skin.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

pics are up

Didn't take so much effort. So it was a quick process.

Am so full. Pizzas on Kak Izan (tenkiuuuuuuu...).

pics scanned - finally!

Only the recent convo pics. The scanner quality must be way below average. Luckily I'm patient enough to not to be too grumpy about it.

p/s: don't look, I haven't uploaded them yet! eheh!

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Operation SandStorm aka Clean-Up-The-Office-and-Get-Organized-People!

Today should be a gotong-royong day, said boss. Came to office wearing my comfy casual pants and a shirt. What a perfect office attire! Spent the rest of the time reading (managed to finish 4 Letters of Love - finally!) and have already started Fairy Tale of New York.

"Cornelius Christian, an expatriate New Yorker, is returning to his native land when his wife dies aboards ship. As he re-enters New York he encounters a funeral director with whom he reluctantly takes a job to pay for the burial of his wife. He quickly meets a beautiful grieving widow, Mrs Fanny Sourpuss, and plunges into a wild affair with her, followed by another with a gentle girl from the Bronx who had been his childhood sweetheart, and another with the wife of his boss."


Okay, just visited a gay blog. I think he's a malay. Or is he chinese? It was inspiring in spite of the blogs were mostly about flirting and getting laid preferably with straight men! haha! I was amused and the fact that he wrote personal stuff like that is very brave and blunt. Outspoken. I admire that, not his constant sexual activity. A blog has served its purpose.

It's Friday the 13th!!

It's my first actually realizing that it's THE day. I never thought about it but I came across a blog that mentioned it today. What an interesting post it was. I don't believe in those bad luck stuff. They're just coincidents, that's all.

Fantasia Barrino's I Believe played on air while I was driving home a few days ago. It was on a chart climbing fast. I love the song! I love the way she sings it. Pure talent she has.

Hmm.. I just noticed Kamal isn't around today. No wonder I feel so unbelievably comfortable at my desk! And I don't have to be aware of his whereabouts constantly..heheh.... He's a nuisance. Specially born to reduce my very work effeciency...just like the mad copy machine (hasn't been replaced, only repaired). Suka tarik kusi org ke blakang!!! Nyampah wehhhh...uwaaa!!!


Oh yes, changed the blog address yet again....*sigh* The same brother had a very keen focused alert pair of eyes yesterday. He returned to my desk about 5 and he managed to take a peek. hhhmmppphhhhfffff!!! Never mind all is well. No more peeking.

Red is the theme today. I feel red... heh! Never mind.

Am listening to Come What May - tragic love song, just because it's on Moulin Rouge. Is there really such powerful true love? I wonder... I have a boyfriend and he's a good person mind you. But I don't feel like he's a bf of mine.

I'm out.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

sudden move!

aiyoh... my dear brother has taken a look at this blog!!! AAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is not meant to be read by family members, that's the point of having a blog.

penat weh pindah mindah nih! kena buat balik....well, almost. All the comments are lost... except 1 for testing purpose....

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Some late add-ons

Took me almost 2 hours to add the comment + archive links. Well, it should have been easy if I knew CSS. Had to understand it first and how Blogger works before I could make any changes... Now that they're working there nicely I don't want to think about it anymore, just posting from now on.

My eyes are tired and my brain already has been relentlessly reminding me of the comfort of home.. aiyah! such nuisance is everywhere.

A guy friend just asked to meet up. What a bad timing. nak balik!

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Convo v1.0

Just got back yesterday from convocation week. I wasn't really up to it, I thought I wouldn't enjoy it. How wrong I was, how wrong I was indeed. It was my first version of convo ceremony and I hope there'll be a few more in store for me. I'm not much of a writer but I'll write anyway. It's my blog...

I refused mother to buy new clothes. I didn't tell people about it unless they asked me. I didn't know what to say if they did. I wasn't up to convo last week. I took 2 days off just for this and on Friday morning my family and I were off to Penang - my grandma's hometown and where my former campus is located where I spent almost 5 years of my life, USM.

We went to Mak Njang's first for the robe and other convo stuff. Abang Izwan was very kind to collect those for me. There were a couple of invitation cards, official books and receipts apart from the robe and the mortar board. Mother was the one who was making sure everything was there, not me. I wasn't interested. I was still trying to reason my convocation. I didn't excel in studies - just on the average bar. What the celebration should be about?

Ammar was going through the book I didn't know what he was looking for. It wasn't until he showed me my name in the book that I suddenly saw myself sitting in the hall and walking on the stage and receiving my honors degree. I could only imagine how many people could only wish to be in my place.

Upon arriving at grandma's we were welcome by Tok and Cik Dah. We had to rest because of the tiring 4 hour journey we just had. I took the time to watch a movie on VCD to shake convo off my mind. I didn't want to think about it. I had to go to the rehearsal at 8 pm and I was too clueless to go alone so I rang my friend. Good news! She also had her rehearsal at 8! So arrangement of when and where were made and I was off to shower.

When I was in the hall they were showing the places around USM on 2 big screens. And it hit me again.Those were the places I frequented during the 5 years. I knew every road, every path, every tree, the hills and the lakes. I recognized them in my heart. This was the place where I gained knowledge. The place where by far I've experienced life the most. And I was going to leave it and it'd become a memory of the past if it hadn't been for the convocation, a chance for me to say thank you, my utmost gratitude.

On Sunday, 2.30 pm, I was already in the hall. Sitting on my right was my former classmate. As I looked around and when my eyes were fixed on the stage, "Finally!.." I said to her. I meant to say finally I was in the hall despite all the earlier usual commotion (the robe, last minute preparation, etc). She said back to me, "Yes, after years of studying, we're finally here. Worth every struggle." Shortly after a little chinese lady came and took her seat on my left. She was excited and all smiles to the end. We talked a little, she was friendly and helpful with my robe. I realized how important that day must have been to all the graduates. Why didn't I feel it as important? I must've had missed something big.

When the ceremony started, then I understood as the Pro-Chancellor walked towards his seat escorted by the senates and the deans. I was amazed by their achievements, all shown by their robes. These VVIPs only attend VVIP's functions, I thought. It showed me how grand the ceremony was with their presence.

I was so happy and thankful when I was on the stage. I was fortunate to have realized what was it all about before it was too late. I even look good in the pictures.

The speeches afterwards were uplifting, inspiring and touching at the same time especially the one made by the Tan Sri ("I welcome you all to the fellowship of educated men and women.") It had reawaken the burning passion of learning I've always had and to continuously better myself, the achievement to be proud of. Some people measure success materially but I wasn't raised that way.

Some of my relatives came afterward to congratulate me. I received 4 bouquets of flowers + 1 stalk of pink carnation from little cousin.


I felt blessed, truly I do still.

Thursday, August 5, 2004


I had fun chat with a new friend online this morning. Not that I didn't do my work but it was enlightening to know that a person could be that polite and bright and alive and gentle. Okay I'm way overboard here but I've never had the pleasure to have a good chat like I had for a long time.


Also, I heard that they are going to get us a new copy machine!! Now THAT is what I call a good news. I hate the one which we have right now. I don't know why we couldn't have a better one before. I could die just to wait for the current machine to work.... It's that torturing....


Wednesday, August 4, 2004

Malas nak ke konvo

I'm supposed to be going to my convocation day but I'm abit reluctant. There's not much to celebrate anyway. I won't accept flowers on that day. This is depressing to talk about.

Had an alive meeting with GeoPlanning today...oh well. They had given us the wrong set of data! Like my boss said, we're running in a circle with no apparent destination. The destination is there but it's unreacheable at this point due to this careless mistake. That leaves me with no actual work to do (la..la..la...takyah buat keje nih). It's going to affect my very effeciency! cheeewaaaaaah! hmmm.... (Am I too focused on work?) Delay hurts. *sigh* (Did I just sigh because there'll be definitly less work???? Do I like the stress that comes with it???!? Am I normal?) Yeah well I love being busy, keeps my mind off miserable things.

I have a complicated life.

Tuesday, August 3, 2004

Tech Support for Husband software

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable Programs such as football 5.0, NBA 3.0. and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried Running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?




Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Please enter the command: "http:I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, Pub 7.2 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the SnoringLoudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your systemsources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,


* Got this from alumni's mailing list (best lak baca). I'm NOT married.

Monday, August 2, 2004

not so typical monday this time

Every beginning of the week really gets me I don't know what to do about it. The boss is on 2-day leave, all the better..heheheheh.... I was planning to test the database with MapServer remotely but apparently the server is having some problems. Capet said the hardisk is corrupted?? How did THAT happen??? It hasn't been used properly fo the net, only for testing and I haven't touched anything unless mounting some harmless files like a week ago.... Luckily he's here to fix the problem. Aiyah..the thing needs reformatting. Serious problems must be. Well, let him, the linux master do the work. I'll do the rest after it gets fixed. That means delay in production... oh wutteva.. like I care at the moment (heh!). I'm supposed to be on my way home right now. But being a good employee and all, I'll stay until 7 to do some work. Hey, I love working.. say what ever you want to say.....

Oh yes, I redid my room over the weekend. It was fun and tiring at the same time. I got an almost satisfying result. At least the furniture aren't at the same place as before. I wish I could paint the wall in red! Imagine what drastic and bold effect would that be... hmmm.. okay I'll think of a softer color. Any color other than white which the room has already had since forever. Am afraid that red would've made my room look like a Taj Mahal's sultan's waiting room.

For the record, I'm not angry anymore. Not that I've accepted it all but I don't want my brain to explode for not so intelligent reason. Might as well read a book and pass them around - that's what happiness and real satisfaction mean to me. I feel quite perky today, don't know where that came from. But having a good day is valuable to me and I'd like to think I've spent the day well.

Oh yes, I got a mysterious phone call just now. Claimed that he got the number from me. Huh??! Hello??!! I haven't been giving out my numbers to anyone recently. What a lame thing to say that we met recently in KLCC. It's been like a year and a half I last stepped my foot there! Whoever that was... I kindly ask you to leave me alone. Got another call. What's with this guy?? Simply go away please. Leave me the birds and the trees... eh teramik lirik lagu lak...eheh!