Sunday, December 31, 2006

Happy New Year!!

Home again finally. But with lots of work waiting to be done. With the router had to be returned (again) due to service incompetency of Aztech people or they probably do that on purpose of warranted items.... can't figure out which one. The point is I have to tarik the cable and replug everything somewhere else. I have to drag myself and notebook out of my room to get connected. This, ladies and gentlemen, is just so uncivilized. What's the point of having a notebook if you can't be mobile and be at ease connecting from wherever you are. Blech. No matter. I have somehow tricked my mind of believing that doing some work not in my room could actually be more productive. How so? Well I've wasted enough time to perform the witchcraft on my mind just now and truth be told I don't give a damn to how's and why's of things anymore. Thank you very much.

Thank goodness I don't have to come to the office for work for a week. Lots of self adjustments waiting in line. Time to wake up and get dressed for instance. And I have to be mentally prepared again to be working late hours in the office. There's insane pressure to face.

This is true. No matter how bad Brunei is, it's still very laid back kind of work environment we had there. While I was here prior to Brunei, I was given task this and that to complete. I remember I was more like a living skeleton than a human being. So you know how deflated I am at the thought of starting over. But then again, it's my choice from the beginning. I just have to get on with it. Afterall, what are we if not choices we made in life.

Okay. I'm actually fighting my heavy lids right now. Oh I was just thinking of something when I'm writing this. You know, if a doctor says he's busy and doesn't have a life, you can relate and understand why. But when a developer says he's busy and doesn't have a life, you get all sceptical and critical. Why is that? While a doctor saves lives, a developer makes life so much easier. Sometimes they even saves lives too. In different context of course but who can deny it if I am to mean it literally.


Anyway, I'm just perplexing my brain tissues. Lots of things to get over with. Tea please! Black. Extra sugar. On the double!

Tuesday, December 26, 2006


X: How long will it take to complete Bantuan?
Me: Ummmm.... 2 weeks.
X: 2 weeks??? Lamanya! AJS pon dah siap masa tu. Pranikah pon dah siap by that time agaknya.
Me: *...right.... lalalalala*

Looking at his face when I said 2 weeks was priceless. He doesn't get the hidden message I think. Men. They have to be told exactly what we're thinking. But let's not get into that because right now I'm in a giving mood.

Will be home on the 28th. Will not be going to office till we're moved to the new building. Hurrah!

Ala the thought of coming back here just crushed my dream of living like a normal person again. Sad sad sad.

Fell asleep at 7 waiting for Siti to finish up 'tumpang'ing my notebook for printing. I was actually intending to catch up my reading but fell asleep nonetheless. I was thinking of doing some last minute checks on the system and go through the UAT script when she finished. Well you can do nothing much if you're laying in bed comfortably in such a perfect weather with tired mind and body. But I managed a few pages from the book though so there's progress. Now I'm fully awake and trying to get some sleep. But instead I can't help worrying what's going to happen tommorrow.

The fact is I'm really spent here. I mean I know life is much at slower pace in Brunei and I'm telling you it's much more demanding in life and work back at home and I should be happy not being in constant workaholic mode but I'm a victim here nevertheless. What an employee has got to do in a crooked position and being asked to return in January when it's well known we'll only be here up till December. I don't like being in a position where I know I'm not going to be satisfied at what I'll accomplish. Everything is so out of context. The situation is really bad they don't really care about the quality and service anymore. I don't feel like I'm giving something out to the people here. I mean the module I'm responsible of, it can be sooo much better and I can see where it can go and how it can be implemented but I'm just being cut off. It's just simply taken out of my hands. The worse part is I have to play along. What can be worse when you're forced to be part of something you really avoid of doing the rest of your life. You have principals and integrity you swore your life you'll live by it. Now you're looking at yourself doing the exact opposite thing. How does that happen??
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Seriously. I'm having a midlife crisis right now, right in my 20's.

Umm... I better drink my tea while it's warm.

Sunday, December 17, 2006


The girls on their best behaviour.


Oh my. Nothing can beat this.


Saturday, December 16, 2006


I woke up this morning feeling numb because my sense of smell was not working! I couldn't smell my soap, my shampoo, my cleanser. Haiiiiiiii macam-macam orang tak sihat nih. But the thing is when I put on my lotion this morning I realized that it smelled different, and I liked it.

Well that's a good way to start a day.

Another news is hajah nyer kete kena curik kat Miri. More like her van than car. Ape pon, kesian plak. Imagine visiting a foreign place and lost your main transport. Nasib baik dekat je boleh call family mintak tulon amik. Sian meh. Malas plak aku nak ngulas topic yang satu ni.

I'm recovering (although I think I'm going through a hell of a way to do it).

I have just discovered that I love love love vintage clothing! ngeeeeeeee....

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Heavily drugged

It feels like passing out in a minute and being wide awake the next. There's no easy way to put this: I have to take the med or else I wouldn't get better. The catch is that they make you damn sleepy. And I'm on the top of piles of work. I don't know which one to go first.

My voice has changed. The sore throat keeps coming back if I talk in loud voice. Whenever I cough it hurts my stomach so much I have to bend I keep mouthing oh fuck. I don't understand how anyone can stand this every morning. I really wish I was in Malaysia so I can give Pak Tam a visit and have him to fix me up. This is such a nuisance I have to blog it here over and over. Really, if it's not for the pressure here I wouldn't say a thing and would definitely sleep it off. The meds are so strong they can knock me off just like that. I'm so not used with drugs. I don't get sick that easily.

I'm half awake as I'm writing this. This is so bad. I can't differentiate my a and my z. Fever is gone, only now I'm battling with flu. I'm just afraid it'll get to my head and totally flatten me out. That is what I'm really worried about.

It's been a week. The thing is I don't really want to burden anyone. Things have been really slow and whether or not they've noticed it, I'm really really sad. It's just not my thing showing my emotions around. I'm always seen laughing or chuckling it out.

I just figured out my left eye can't see clearly. Great. Gotta have that fixed too. I make it sound mechanical now don't I. Whatever. I'm going to.. yea... whatever.

Monday, December 11, 2006

"apakah fungsi panadol. they don't have an effect on me."

Astonishing the amount of people reacting to my online status a few days back. Haha.

Wasn't expecting it at all. I was feeling so weak. It felt terrible. Hence, the not so subtle online status. Downed some panadol but all they do was cooling me off only for a while. The next morning the temperature was rising high again like it was on a ride or something. And fever being infectious as it is, the whole house has it now. The damp weather is not helping either (baju basuh tak kering... arrrgghhhh!!).

Now I'm gulping water like never before. Tomorrow have to go to work. Isk. My head doesn't feel light like it was before last Friday. I feel like I'm breathing fire... and I feel like I have Cyclops's eyes...


Am waiting for Adda's drugs completing its work.

Friday, December 8, 2006

Great writer

Seeing this reminds me why I bought his second record without much thinking then. Mind you I'm very selective on buying music. Needless to say it turned out to be a great great great purchase. Not that my opinion should dictate your buying guide but I really like his music.

Especially when I'm so down with fever right now where every muscle is on strike, refusing to work with me. It feels so good to be smiling over a song. And it has been said smiling is a great workout. Hopefully I'll regain my strength tomorrow. Lotsa work to be done.

If he said there's a girl in front of him he's singing to, I'd believe him.


Aran dah selamat. Sorry I couldn't make it but I'm sure it was a beautiful wedding ceremony.

Lagi satu, Labu. So ucapan maaf bebanyak dan doa kebahagian mengiringi kalian berdua.

My tekak feels so sore right now. If it doesn't get better overnight I'm sure I'll have fever tomorrow. Aiyak!

Friday, December 1, 2006

Quick update

Well well what do you know. I'm at the airport waiting for the delaying flight to take off. Besa la Air Asia kalau tak delay dalam sehari tu tak sah.

Just feeling like updating since I've been told that the connection at home is shitty at the moment, so I won't be online for 5 days people. How refreshing. That means no work for me at least. Punya la risau aku takut tak sempat catch up dateline this coming Wednesday. I had only 1/2 hour sleep last night. And I've been feeling like dropping off there and then here since getting here - I'm soooo sleepy. Good that the zombie hours has paid off though. Tiada igauan hajah sepanjang cuti-cuti malaysia.....

Probably will catch some zzz during the flight. Forgot to down up the pills mom bekalkan ari tu. Risau pening wehhhh... tak pasal2 je bleh muntah nanti.