Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Funerals have different effects on different people

Funerals. I've been to some. I don't usually stay long if I go to any that's not family. It's the grieving family members, because I can't bear looking at them. Such sadness and lost. It is so difficult to cope. And it's just discerningly intense. And profoundly reflective.

I don't like seeing dead bodies. They don't move. Have you ever felt like you're trying to catch up with air you're breathing? That's how I feel when I see one. It's not scared, it's something to do with you being not able to help with the situation and desperately need to get out of the scene but unable to. I feel even sicker if the visitors just come and sit and borak with each other, not reciting yaasin. I can't stop thinking if this is how my funeral would be like? With people coming just to fulfill their curiosity and not praying for my afterlife?

I've told you. I have been to funerals. Note the plural. And it's more than 2. I just can't watch any more dead bodies carried in front of me.

If there's one thing I like to be away from when I'm all breathing and healthy, is a place where death will most likely to happen. Or a place where it just happened. But that's not possible in this life isn't it. Sometimes you're bound to do what you feel is right. Even when you feel like you're going to explode and my god it takes the daylight out of you to be calm about it.

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