Tuesday, December 26, 2006


X: How long will it take to complete Bantuan?
Me: Ummmm.... 2 weeks.
X: 2 weeks??? Lamanya! AJS pon dah siap masa tu. Pranikah pon dah siap by that time agaknya.
Me: *...right.... lalalalala*

Looking at his face when I said 2 weeks was priceless. He doesn't get the hidden message I think. Men. They have to be told exactly what we're thinking. But let's not get into that because right now I'm in a giving mood.

Will be home on the 28th. Will not be going to office till we're moved to the new building. Hurrah!

Ala the thought of coming back here just crushed my dream of living like a normal person again. Sad sad sad.

Fell asleep at 7 waiting for Siti to finish up 'tumpang'ing my notebook for printing. I was actually intending to catch up my reading but fell asleep nonetheless. I was thinking of doing some last minute checks on the system and go through the UAT script when she finished. Well you can do nothing much if you're laying in bed comfortably in such a perfect weather with tired mind and body. But I managed a few pages from the book though so there's progress. Now I'm fully awake and trying to get some sleep. But instead I can't help worrying what's going to happen tommorrow.

The fact is I'm really spent here. I mean I know life is much at slower pace in Brunei and I'm telling you it's much more demanding in life and work back at home and I should be happy not being in constant workaholic mode but I'm a victim here nevertheless. What an employee has got to do in a crooked position and being asked to return in January when it's well known we'll only be here up till December. I don't like being in a position where I know I'm not going to be satisfied at what I'll accomplish. Everything is so out of context. The situation is really bad they don't really care about the quality and service anymore. I don't feel like I'm giving something out to the people here. I mean the module I'm responsible of, it can be sooo much better and I can see where it can go and how it can be implemented but I'm just being cut off. It's just simply taken out of my hands. The worse part is I have to play along. What can be worse when you're forced to be part of something you really avoid of doing the rest of your life. You have principals and integrity you swore your life you'll live by it. Now you're looking at yourself doing the exact opposite thing. How does that happen??
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows
And did it my way

Seriously. I'm having a midlife crisis right now, right in my 20's.

Umm... I better drink my tea while it's warm.

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