I am tired

I don't understand the hype surrounding sending a malaysian to outer space. Well, maybe I do but I was less ecstatic when I heard their plan a year ago, to be honest with you.

Ask any children in the US about who they want to be when they grow up. Most of them would answer an astronaut or a waitress (I don't know why they like waitresses) or a millionaire. Ask a malaysian children, standard answer should be doctor, teacher, lawyer, accountant or an architect. When asked you don't want to be an astronaut?? Astro-what? They would fire you back. Now suddenly everyone wants to be an astronaut.

That's actually good, I have nothing againts it. What bugs me is the kesedaran masyarakat itself about the existence and the possibility of such height is actually achievable. Why now? Why not 10 years ago? When all the hype and the glamour hits you then suddenly you want to be it. See the typical malaysian attitude here? Sudah terjatuh baru tergadah or something like that.

While I'm proud to see a malaysian flag on the astronaut uniform, I'm so dissapointed at the role we play in the arena. I'd like to see a qualified malaysian flight engineer or a qualified malaysian scientist up there in the space. Not just some people doing experiments on behalf of other people just because other people can't go but he can.

I believe he is a smart man. He's a doctor for pete's sake. He's the chosen one among thousand others. Of course he went through that rigorous selection process. So that shows he deserves to go. Maybe this is a good first step towards space exploration for Malaysia.

But I already heard there's a plan of sending a second malaysian to go next time. And the amount of money they're going to spend - RM100mil ok. That much for one person. He better be an engineer or scientist, qualified by a known reputable institution. Meaning he takes all the test and passes, so baru la betul berdiri sama tinggi, duduk sama rendah. Bila other qualified astronauts saying things behind our back, then kita boleh back up. Ini sibuk dok compare dengan negara yang less developed, or negara yang tak penah hantar orang ke space. Seriously speaking lah kan, if you want to do a comparison, compare yourself with a better one so you will strive better. Kalau compare dengan orang yang lagi kurang, sampai sudah tak abes-abes megah sorang-sorang ye tak.

Just now visited someone in HTAR Klang. The condition there ya rabbiiiiiiiiii... punya la padat sampai tempat untuk one bed boleh share for four! Haaa RM100mil tu kalau diguna untuk expand hospital bagus jugak. Upgrade sikit part toilet untuk visitors tuh. Tak pun bagi better pay for the medical practitioners so takde la muka diorang asik masam jek sebab kena keja on weekend. Tak pun kalau nak guna jugak untuk alam maya space tu, start sponsoring bright students to study at NASA boleh? I think they didn't sponsor students to study aerospace before because the lack of job opportunities here. So if they sponsor still, the students won't come back and work here so that's considered a waste of money... so they opt for medics instead. Betul tak teori ni?

Oh mannn... I'm so tired and really need to go to bed. I'm feeling so malas to buat keje and sooooo penat (just got back from Pahang) but have to force myself switch on this notebook and in the effort of not switching it off back, I've been cursing dalam diam and lamenting so loudly so everyone in the house can hear me and know how malas and tired I am right now and they all advise me to just to go sleep - work can start tomorrow but against my own will my hands and my eyes have been awaken by a dose of caffeine. What can I do? Everything should be ready by tomorrow for testing. I have only 2 hands and can be at one place at a time. It is well known that I might not sleep at all tonight getting the job done. It should've been completed if it's not because of cuti raya and raya party at the office and this stupid *tooooot* keep on and on and on weighing myself down.

Oh well. I'm feeling sleepy.

Ooohh I love how a cake batter smells. That's how a home should smell like.

Somebody tried to break into our house

This morning, around 4am, when I was about to go to sleep, I heard something or someone at my window. I'm sure it's not cat because I waited for a while to make sure of it. The thing at my window was trying to open it. I quickly ran to get abah n mak. I could've waited and see who it was behind the curtain but since spontaneity and quick thinking are not one of my favorable traits, I was quickly overwhelmed with fear. The break entry just only happened 2 weeks ago! And here it was trying to get in again, at my window! When I was alone in the room!

The window has iron grills for extra protection. I could've have just waited a little longer and waited for the hand to come in and slashed it with whatever thing I could find. Instead I just sat there and I was just too terrified if whatever it was outside my window trying whatever it was trying to do, looked at me. I didn't want to know who or what it was either. To be honest, I was shaking so bad. I couldn't form a straight line when I told abah about it, I just pointed him to my window in my room. Abah and Muaz went out of the house to check. Muaz ended up sleeping in the living room watching out for me and mak came in to share my small bed with me until subuh.

I've mentioned before how I hate this neighborhood. One of the reason is this lah.

I can't imagine what would've happened if I was asleep at that time. I'm not a light sleeper, you know. I was watching movies the whole night because I had enough sleep already in the car getting back from Penang. So I thought okay let's do some movies and stay up late. Who would've thought that the thief would be so desperate last night? He obviously knew there were people in the house.

I woke up this morning feeling disorganized and a little bit intimidated. Now I feel a little disturbed at being alone in my room. I'm going to have to get that scissors under my pillow...

Buka puasa @ Hyatt Saujana

We went off to buka puasa session last Monday. It was a blast.

For some reason I like this pic. Maybe it's because it's the only one that have all the boys smiling. Suka ati la tu perut kenyanggggggg.....

Selamat Raya everyone!!

UPDATE: aaaa kena buli kat opis!!!! nak balik awal ari kamis, tak kira!

yeyeh!!

I got books to read! 2 of them! yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyea

Didn't expect them to arrive today but what a surprise... I'm so happy ngeeeeeeee

Thank you so much! Best aaa blek. Hmmm... anyway... 2 books! I'm so so so happy tralalalala.... that I giggled. Nothing wrong with that just that I have my own giggle. I think Adda would know how it sounds. Sort of let it out accidentally at office one time when I was deeply amused at one sms and immediately got remarks the likes of 'eiii nyampah aku dengar ko gelak camtu' or something like that hahaha.

And you know what the best part is. Getting this very foreign feeling over blek's handwriting on the envelope. Weird.... hehehe.... Seeing something real from you is just weird. Ye lah, I usually see words on screen, blog, email etc.

Speaking of handwriting, I have received a wedding invitation card from Adli. You know how you have this tiny little memories you can relate to people you know, regardless of how close or estranged you are. Ah this guy, I got a story about him... the memory just stuck there eventhough it's just a small one. Am reminiscing. Am amused. Am smiling. Well another time lah story story.

Need to reconjure caffeine practice. So much work but so little time. I find myself feeling drowsy as early as 9pm these days. What la.

i have so much of insecurities

Hazelnuts in Vanilla. Sinful.

Among all cookies cutters we have, despite my determination not to fall for heart shaped ones, I couldn't resist.

Spent the weekend downloading movies and watching them all. Was supposed to stand by at 12pm on Saturday but I overslept. Urghhh... was embarassed to be online 1 1/2 hour late and naturally, being someone who thinks too much, I forgot to apologize. Aiyak. Nice.

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed

Something about watching Jude Law's movies.... warms my heart all over. I'm starting to think I'm desperate. Erk. What did I just say??? Oh god.

But then again, maybe not. Oh I don't know.

Change of subject. I have just realized recently I have never talked in real life to some people I chat with. Not just some people, but people I considered friends or people I've known their existence of for a long time. People like kacap, what's going on with that??? Sometimes we meet, right kacap? On gatherings and meetups and whatnot. We wave hands to acknowledge each other's presence. But we never talk to each other. What's up with that? haha. Strange life this is. People like blek... Well given you're so far berkelana di Europe and I doubt that we ever going to meet in person but if we ever did, I think it's going to be just as the same. This is really amusing to me for some reason and I couldn't really think of a reason as to why it happens though. Maybe despite the appearances, we are all practically very shy and quiet. We're just too afraid to make our first moves. Too self concious if we're going to get rejected or ignored. Or maybe we reason why make so much of an effort to say hi when we know we're going to see the same face again at another gatherings. A little hi can wait.

Hehehehe... must admit, this is worth a thought. I don't mind at all the way they choose to be, I'm just thinking out loud here. Kepada kacap and blek, rencana ini ditulis berdasarkan pemikiran hamba semata-mata. I'm sure you'll have your reasons. Anyway I have another example: me. I sometimes skip saying hi to people I know when I meet them and just smile and nod from afar. It's okay if you're not close but if you were best friends before, for instance, you should at least extend your warm hands and give them a hug shouldn't you? I fail in that department sometimes. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it. Such a sad story.

Well, got to go. It's raining. Should be nice lying on bed with pillows and comforter with the fan spinning on max with air cond blaring. Ah bliss bliss.

Can I just end this post with this little snippet from a song. I'm so high... the emotional hormone is not at its normal level tonight. I'm feeling needy all of the sudden. Talk about perks of being a woman....haha.

No matter what I say or do, the message isn't getting through,
And you're listening to the sound of my breaking heart.
I really want you.