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Si Nisah ajak main futsal la plakk... dahla tak reti main. Kalau takat sepak menyepak tu leh la. Senang je tu... ahaha

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Dear diary,
I haven't been completely honest with you. Even how much I have been trying to tell myself that I'm over Bad or convince you that I am, the truth is I'm not. Can you forgive me? Something has happened, and it made me really think about it real hard. I have been pushing people away and use him as an excuse when he's no longer there. Well, is he? It's been almost a year and I've been holding on. Do I still stand a chance? Will we ever be together again? I had to know.

You see, what I feel for him is true and strong. I understand that 2 years is not much compared to 7 or 10 years like some people have. But I do understand too that time is not what counts when it comes to measuring how deep your love is to someone. I have made a promise last time and I believe I've told you about it, that I won't mess it up next time I'm in a relationship. I'm going to throw in everything. I'm going to build my world around him. I'm going to get crazy about it. If it has to be someone, I want it to be Bad. I wanted him to know that and I wasn't sure what would he say.

Something has happened, so I mustered all my strength to press that dial button last night.

Dear diary,
I explained everything to him. I made it clear that I didn't want sympathy. I offered him everything (well not everything, you know what I mean diary). I was willing to wait, should he say yes to us. I would tolerate everything, I would give him the world. I would make him happy, I would be the one behind him to cheer him on towards his success, I would be the one to catch him when he falls. I would be the stars around him when he smiles, I would be his tears when he crumbles and cries. I would live on every breath he takes and I would cherish every moment. All these and more, should he say yes. I would work everything out, should he say yes. I presented all that I am to him, but diary,... he turned me down.

My dear diary,
What's a girl got to do? Willing to give everything only not to be accepted. It felt like piercing blunt stabs right at my heart. Although I was prepared for this, I wasn't expecting it to be so painful. But now I know my life as I know it is not going to be the same anymore. Looks like I'm not going to build my world around Bad after all. To be honest, I don't blame him. I can't force him to say things he doesn't want to say. That's not what you do to someone you love, right diary?

My trusted diary,
I would love to be happy and whole again. He will always have a place in my heart. I believe a day will come when I can look back on it and smile. It's rather weird what I'm feeling, I'm happy that he leads a happy life now while I'm still at lost without him in mine. What do you think of this diary? Do you think this is enough? Or should I have done more?

Dear diary,
My heart is broken and his decision has destroyed me to pieces. That man doesn't know how much he means to me. Yet I am going to accept this as a sign that I'm stronger than I ever thought I would ever be. I have been through a year, why can't I do another?

Dear diary,
I'm tired. I'm going to retire now. I'm going to close you and start a new one. Who knows what's in store for me in the future? You have been great and for that I say thank you. Goodbye, dearest diary.

Love,
Nuhaa

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I think I've lost my digicam. Hmm... curious curious. I've never lost a valuable thing before. In my own house it dissappeared. I have a couple of suspects but who would've thought they would be? Isk tak baik plak buruk sangka. Tapi sape lagi yang penah masuk umah tuh???

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We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
There's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
But every time I ask you out
We never move pass friendly
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

You are my very first thought in the morning
And my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious
So finally I'll sing it
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see
Since you never seem to see, so I'll say it in this love song

Alamak inai kat tangan dah abis! Weekend ni kena giling la plakkkk....

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Impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
'Cause who's to know
Which one you've let go
Would've made you complete

I'm going after my dream. I'm working on it.

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Baru abis tapis resume2 org utk ICT, untuk development unit je lah.... melambak2 tak hengat. Punyelah susah nak pilih. Tapi resume cousin yang dia antar ari tuh dah letak 1st priority, interview konfem. Jawatan dia tak byk yang qualify, so cerah sket peluang tuh harapnyer.

Pehtu ade post manager plak. Sonot plak pilih boss sendirik.

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Kak Izan perasan aku nangis ari tuh! arrkkkk!!! Habis satu depatmen tau le plakkk... isk... Cam malu jer rasa, nyusahkan orang. Ari tu sejam lebih dia luangkan masa utk aku. Dalam hati dah risau pasal deadline tapi dia cool jek. Dia risau tgk kalau aku tak perform. Dia kata nanti senang nak propose staf dia utk naik pangkat ke, naik gaji ke, sebab performance konsisten & improving. Kak Izan siap nak ikut skali kalu jumpa GM HR, tanya keadaan sebenar pasal abah. Kalu bleh ajak Liza skali sebab dia jaga sistem gaji. Pehtu dia ex-JBAS, cam abah. Sebenarnya mmg nak jumpa GM tu pon tapi kena tunggu redakan perasaan sket, calm down a little bit more. I don't want to turn up crying. Takde masalah jumpa dia sensorang, lagipon ni masalah family.

Bukan nak membesar2kan sesiapa, but Kak Izan memang bos yang best. Amik berat pasal staf dia, pasal keje & life. Dia pon sedar life & keje saling berkait. Terharu lah dpt bos gini. Mintak2 la dia leh naik jadik manager. Memang bagus kalau dia lead unit skang ni, dah ada experience. Depatmen ni mmg best! Cuma sib tak baik btol bekerja skali ngan HR depatmen yang hampeh kat atas tuh.

Arrgghhh!!! Keje keje keje...

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Abah is one of the prominent figure in water industry in Selangor. Well probably he already was now, now that profits come first before manners and budi bicara. As someone who has contributed so much to the industry, please at least treat him with respect. Siapa yang tolong solve krisis air kat Selangor dulu? He got a medal for that, itu pon sebab org paksa dia terima. Then he got another medal for his contribution to the state. Abah was one of the people yang bentang paper kat Majlis Jurutera-jurutera Malaysia (or something of that nature, but all jurutera from all over the country attended that seminar), resulting in the termination of the paip asbestos yang digunakan sebelum tu. Abah did a research on that and proved paip jenis tu memang bahaya. Now tell me how many malay jurutera had done that?

Tu kampung2 kat Banting nun, dulu sumber air diorang kat perigi. Daripada takde air sampai ader paip salur terus kat rumah. Who was responsible for that?

He was the first malay engineer to be posted in Klang/Shah Alam, responsible for the whole area, dealing with all the samseng yang jenis tak reti bahasa. Tell me if you can handle 20 or more people, trampling into your office bypassing all procedures, just to throw tantrum and needed someone to throw it at to. All your staff could only watch from afar. Ye lah, samseng siap ngan parang. And that happened not once, but a few times. And abah handled it so well, settle abis problem down to the root.

He was offered a post as Timbalan Pengarah kat Perak but then Dato' Che Mat tak kasik abah kuar dari Selangor. Punyelah sayang and valuable abah to the state. Then he was offered again for the same post kat Pahang. Abah refused, nak berkhidmat kat Selangor.

And now SYABAS, this is how you treat him? You have a valuable asset at your disposal. Of course now he is not that valuable anymore to you isn't it? You want to terminate his service, fine. Do it with respect and dignity. You don't know my father, do not even for a second pretend you do. Shit man, you're distroying a man's reputation when he has not done anything wrong.

I was so shocked, one of my colleague here knew it all along. Just a couple of cubicle away. She didn't even has the guts and decency to tell me on what was going on. I don't blame her, she was probably in dilemma herself. On the other hand I AM FURIOUS with the HR department. What's wrong with sending a notification??

I cried my eyes out for over an hour in surau. Macam tu skali diorang treat abah. If it wasn't for work, I'd still be there. I have deadlines coming in 10 days.

Shit. To hell with work!

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I forgot what I had been doing before the raya break!!

One week off really kills one's imagination.....

I'm still blogging from Penang!

So I heard the traffic was very bad today since everyone's going back home after a week of raya (as I expected). I'm not going back to work, not now, not until Tuesday. I believe the journey will be smooth tomorrow as we head back home.

An honest and sincere apology

On my way back from Bukak Pose SMKAKS 2005 (last Saturday), an alien had expressed its interest on examining my car. They had just landed on a piece of helicopter pad not too far from my home. So I had to stop before they turned any meaner. They had some slime going on under their nose so that freaked me out. Well, I was already too spent, had already too many activities going on for that day. I had hoped to get back home early, settle some things, start reading new book, go to bed with a piece of mind, etc... but things happenedso there went my brilliant plan...

So I got held up and was a little pissed off. Reached home a little late than expected. The frog by the pool kept asking me to find his princess! Aiyak! Being a nice person that I was, I complied. Not after they turned to the alien for another near impossible task, I was released to get back to my car. But just when I put the key into the ignition....

The frog: Oih sini jap
Me: *blurred face* .... *sick and tired but walked towards them anyway*
The frog princess: Sorila... mintak tolong sket eh. Tolong anta umah boleh?
Me: Eh naik ufo lagi laju lah. Malas ah

The ufo suddenly flew away. Me feeling very unorganized and lost what was the alien real intention admiring my car.
Me: Oy!! *screaming towards its direction with the tensenest feeling ever* Aku tensen!

After a few weird moment with lots of kicking pebbles and whining (mostly done by me)....
Me: Mehla. Jangan kasik kete aku melekit sudah
The happy frog couple: *muka sememeh* ...
Me: Jomlah! Aku nak balik cepat! *sick and tired even more*
The frog finally managed to say again: *cough cough* .... *muka sememeh lagi*

After a few bumpy roads and misleading sigboards... (Directions from the frogs didn't help either since they didn't even know what a map is)
The frog princess: OOooohhh what's this? *holding my digital camera*
Me: Put that damn thing down!
The frog princess: Hey alright.. alright... No harm done
The frog: What's wrong with you lah? *obviosly addressing me*
Me: *drives on*

Finally we arrived at their place (ehem... his place. I didn't care where the frog princess lived. I'd turned off my being nice mode since the ufo flew... hah!)

I got back home, checking my camera and guess what. It's melekit all over.

--The end--

Lost aren't you??

Well so was I. It's a lame blog entry I know. It's a risk you took visiting my blog so deal with it.... eheheheh.... I'm blogging for the first time ever from Penang. My grandma's has broadband installed can you believe it.

Actually what I'm trying to say is sori lah kengkawan. Gamba-gambar & interprem-interprem malam tuh ilang ler... Mencik! Arrghh!!! Alah, takpelah ekk. Buleh soh Natrah aplot dianyer gambar.

Sorry again you had to go through all that rubbish before getting the point.... ahahaha.... you lovely lovely people has definitely my dull day here. Mmmmuuaaaahhhhh!!!