Monday, February 8, 2010

No title for this one.

Had a very good sleep (the meds the doctor prescribed me knocked me out for a good 12 hours, twice). Fever is gone, headache's gone. I woke up fresh and relaxed. Thanks Dr., I like your clinic btw.

In the light of recent event, I admit that I've wronged my housemates. For that there's nothing I can say except I'm sorry. For the curious, sorry dear friends, I'd like to keep this to myself please. I have been selfish and inconsiderate, that I only realized recently. I will keep my self invisible as much as possible around the house for the time being. That's the only thing that I can think of at the moment that I can do to say I'm sorry.

Let me tell you about my housemates. I've never blogged about them, haven't I? Not once. Well I've been staying with them for 2 years now. Kak Yatie messaged me on the phone on the availability of the room. I quickly came over to have a look at the house. Physically she's tall, fair skinned, and she always has smiles on her face whenever she's talking to me. She's a neat and organized person, and such a gentle human being. The way she rearranges stuff in the fridge always made me smile. She come across as a very quiet person at first but after a while, I found out that heyyy... she's quite a talker. Sometimes, I overheard her talking on the phone in her northern accents, just remineds me of home. There's a high chance she's good with the kids too since I often saw she brought her nieces over for a visit. Siti came and joined us right after I settled in. As opposed to Kak Yatie, Siti has a strong character. Fair skinned and is of chinese descendant, she's one emotional person, and opiniated one at that too. She cracks jokes most of the time, sometimes even without her realizing it. She's honest and she can be the light of a party. Both of them like to have a good laugh, make fun of tv shows, share the same interests. That's how I'd describe them. We're not that close but yes they are good people.

Anyway, while I'm sad at the way things have happened, I can't help myself getting upset too. You know when people get angry and the say all this hurtful things to you? It is bound to happen no matter what and in my case there's no exception. That's why I prefer a more calmer, diplomatic way of approaching issues. I know that if I break out I'll say all those things I'll regret later. People are going to get hurt.

As wrong as I may be to you, it doesn't give you the right to judge me, who I am or who I am going to be. More importantly, it certainly doesn't give you the right to insult my friends. You have no idea to what length these people has gone for me. Insulting them is like insulting me.

A private person that I am, I only share minor details randomly with people. Somehow, people manage to connect the dots. While it may be true, it also may be wrong. When it's wrong it hurts.

Did I deserve to be yelled and shouted at? Yes, because I made a mistake. Talking bad about my friends? No.

I understand all is said while in anger, but I'm a human nevertheless. After all is done, I only believe in a more calmer approach to all of world problems. It may not solve the problem, but it won't create new ones unnecessarily.

I have been thinking to sit with them and talk this through. But I'm having second thought. After weighing the options, maybe not.

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